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stupid stupid stupid

Old 12-20-2011, 03:52 PM
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stupid stupid stupid

Last night my AH bought a 6 pack of beer and started working his way through them. Only a 6 pack but he always ends his short periods of sobriety like this and I know where he is heading. I ended up drinking one of his beers to minimise how much he was drinking (stupid I know) and it all just made me so sad. AH asked me if I was sad and I denied it, but eventually I told him I was sad and I told him why. I haven't spoken to him since then, I went straight to sleep and he was at work before I got up.

So today I went to an al anon meeting but stupid stupid me I sat in the car outside and watched people go in but I couldn't go in. I would just have burst into tears and I don't want to sit in a room crying in front of a bunch of strangers today. Please don't have a go at me for not going in, I know it was stupid.
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Old 12-20-2011, 03:55 PM
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Oh (((Meggy)))....if you only knew how many of us have sat in our cars outside countless Al-Anon meetings until we could fix the courage to go in. You are not alone in that, and you certainly are not stupid!

If you only knew, too, how many here have gone into their first several Al-Anon meetings and done nothing but listen and cry the whole time.

You are not alone, we are with you.
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Old 12-20-2011, 03:59 PM
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Meggy, probably most of us have either opted not to go into a meeting, or, balled our eyes out at one....or...two.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and set your direction to go to the next meeting.

You are not stupid...you are human.
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Old 12-20-2011, 05:07 PM
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I've done both. A lot. It's ok! Take good care of yourself.
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Old 12-20-2011, 05:33 PM
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You did what you could do at the time. And, you damn near went in. It's a step.

Take care,

Cyranoak

P.s. They have tissues at most meetings, and everybody there is used to people crying. Meetings are the safest place I know to cry, and for a dude that means something (sexist, I know).
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Old 12-20-2011, 06:12 PM
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Oh yes, you did good!

Even sitting in the car, you removed yourself from the chaos and found yourself a few moments of peace.

My first meeting, I couldn't speak. I knew I would burst into tears if I tried to say anything more than my name.

It is okay to cry at meetings in front of strangers. It may be a roomful of strangers, but those strangers can finish your sentence for you. They have been exactly where you are today. You are always among folks that understand and accept you exactly as you are while at Al anon.

(((hugs)))
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Old 12-20-2011, 06:24 PM
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That was not stupid ~~ that was taking a step in the right direction!

And know that, those strangers in those rooms understand what you're going through because they've likely been there too....hugs.
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Old 12-20-2011, 06:57 PM
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Thank you guys. I had a big cry when I got home and I feel a lot better now after all your kind words. Maybe next time I will get inside the building.
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Old 12-20-2011, 07:29 PM
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Meggy, you can do it and you will get through this. The people in the meeting are or have been where you are at one point in time. They have been really good to me, and they don't even really know me. Go for it.
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Old 12-20-2011, 07:46 PM
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I don't have much to add but to tell you that I went to my first Al Anon meeting last Friday night. I got to the parking lot early and debated with myself about going in. I ignored all my fears and went. What I found was a room full of caring sharing loving people. I spoke up twice and both times cried through the whole thing. At the end I got hugs and left feeling so much lighter. I have a new place to be on Friday nights and am really looking forward to going back.
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Old 12-20-2011, 09:35 PM
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You can do it

I made it my 5th meeting last night. I did cry. You can see in the others eyes they understand. I feels good to let stuff out. At my first meeting I almost taled myself out of going in. I am so glad I took that step. Im even thinking of finding another group for another night a week. I feel at peace when I go there. I really hope you make it in next time.
Take care
M
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Old 12-21-2011, 02:38 AM
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Newcomers are welcome....it helps the oldtimers remember where they were and how far they have come....and you are the most important person in the room. They were all there once. I filled the rooms up with tears many times. Spill it. That is how it works. Lois Wilson realized even after Bill got sober she was miserable. She started Alanon in her kitchen to learn how to help herself get over anger, sadness, resentments, powerlessness, etc.....12th step is service.....You are the most important person in the room and they remember when they were in your seat and how people were there with experience, strenght, and HOPE to help them. Go. You will find a family of friends and your recovery will start whether his does or not. We are all ONE/ not alone.
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Old 12-21-2011, 04:51 AM
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Normal, normal, normal

I think most of us go through this when we are working up the courage to go to a meeting. You did great. Just take it one step at a time.
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Old 12-21-2011, 07:39 AM
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The first meeting I ever went (in) to the lady running the show said to me "it's so great you came in. My first meeting 20 years ago I had to be dragged in with a friend"

It's perfectly normal. I sat in my car in the parking lot several times before actually going inside. Once I did go in though, I was so glad I did. I don't attend regularly anymore, my group disbanded and I don't care too much for the other group, but boy did it save my life at the time.

No one inside is going to judge you. They have all been there. It's a comfort to talk to people who know what you are going through and understand. Just do the best you can and keep trying.
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Old 12-21-2011, 08:14 AM
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I am 57 years old, 6' 1" weigh 250 lbs, ex Marine and trains martial arts and I sat and cried like a baby at my first meeting. I also felt a lot better afterwords.

Al-Anon is a place where the people there understand because they have been there also. Please don't be afraid. I owe my life to Al-Anon and SR.

Your friend,
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Old 12-21-2011, 09:07 AM
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Peace and Serenity Lives in that building...

...so remember that when you are feeling scared of going in what you are feeling scared of is the possibility of finding some of that peace and serenity for yourself.

Please don't be afraid of feeling better. You deserve to be happy. We all do.

Cyranoak


Originally Posted by Meggy View Post
Thank you guys. I had a big cry when I got home and I feel a lot better now after all your kind words. Maybe next time I will get inside the building.
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Old 12-21-2011, 11:38 AM
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You did the right thing! Well done you!
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Old 12-21-2011, 01:06 PM
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You are NOT stupid! I've cried alot in Al-Anon meetings, others cry, there are tissue boxes there ... many newcomers cry and don't talk for a long time, we give everyone comfort and you might find others are very loving and supportive. The meeting is a place of peace and safety. I too sat in my car a few times before I went into the building - I got out of my car 2-1/2 years ago, went in and never looked back. A life saver, once I calmed down and started focusing on my program. Be patient with yourself, you just discovered you need help - it's a process, go easy on yourself too...

God bless and good luck!!
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Old 12-21-2011, 01:16 PM
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If it weren't for two ladies who saw me waiting on a cold, freezing night outside the church where the meeting was held, I would not have gone in. When I was inside, the warmth I felt was not just coming from the radiators in the room-it was from the people who made me feel so welcome.

Took me a while to find my voice, but I shed a whole lot of tears that first night and many times after that. In fact, three years on and a lot of changes in my life, the tears still come. Going in to that first meeting and all of the meetings after have become a big, wonderful part of my life, one I cherish and one that will be with me for the rest of my life.

No, you're not stupid, it shows a lot of courage to make it to the parking lot as you got away from the insanity......
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Old 12-21-2011, 01:17 PM
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If it weren't for two ladies who saw me waiting on a cold, freezing night outside the church where the meeting was held, I would not have gone in. When I was inside, the warmth I felt was not just coming from the radiators in the room-it was from the people who made me feel so welcome.

Took me a while to find my voice, but I shed a whole lot of tears that first night and many times after that. In fact, three years on and a lot of changes in my life, the tears still come. Going in to that first meeting and all of the meetings after have become a big, wonderful part of my life, one I cherish and one that will be with me for the rest of my life.

No, you're not stupid, it shows a lot of courage to make it to the parking lot as you got away from the insanity......
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