'moderating' drinking - advice please

Old 12-20-2011, 05:48 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
 
Hopeworks's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
As long as he is not in true recovery this will be your reality and clearly he has zero interest in recovery at this time.

I believe in interventions but many times the alcoholic is coerced into treatment and they simply are not interested or ready to embarq on the difficult journey to sobriety. They must want it more than they want a drink and be willing to do ANYTHING to beat the alcohol.

Life is a series of choices and as a poster shared above all of the sudden a lightbulb came on for her and illuminated the "truth" of her true situation. She then made a choice ... albeit a difficult one but a wise one and now wonders how she remained in such denial for so long.

That is the POWER of this forum... others shine a light with their ESH on our own lives that have mirrored where you are now and you get the benefit of our years of trying what you are contemplating ... hoping against hope for a miracle that your husband has no interest in currently!

I believe in hope... it gives us strength... but not wishful thinking. If wishes were horses we'd all be riding and our husbands would have gotten sober with a wave of wishful thinking wand. Love is not enough... sigh.

Like Alice at the crossroads who asked the Cheshire Cat "what way shall I go?" and the cat replied "It depends a great deal on where you wish to go to". Alice told the cat that it "didn't matter" and the wise cat replied "Then it doesn't matter what road you take if you walk long enough you will arrive somewhere"...

and so it is with us... we need to set goals and take the path that has a chance to get us WHERE we reallyh want to go! They can be small at first and can get more ambitious as we gain our own strength and confidence but we have to clearly see where we want to go.

For many of us who are now happy it was on the road that was alcohol free even if meant leaving our mate behind who chose to stay in an alcoholic state.

For myself I took a LOT of the wrong roads first ... all the signs except the hardest one which was the toughest choice! .... denial...denial ... denial.. until the pain got to be too much ... and the anger ...then the light comes on and illuminates the road before us.
Hopeworks is offline  
Old 12-20-2011, 06:06 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
 
choublak's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
If you go check out the Newcomers to Recovery and Alcoholism forums, you will see a lot of threads where a newcomer asks if there is any possible way to moderate their drinking. The veterans all respond with, "there is no possible way to moderate your drinking, trust me, I tried and searched for years".
choublak is offline  
Old 12-20-2011, 06:14 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
To thine own self be true.
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
As GingerM points out, it can be years between "events" in an alcoholic's life. One does not normally just realize they are alcoholic and decide to quit for good. It's a lifelong struggle. The nightmare does not just go away. If someone had relied on me to quit and quit for good when I first started to get sober, I'm afraid they'd be very disappointed.
Learn2Live is offline  
Old 12-20-2011, 12:41 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 21
I understand this completely! My bf thinks that because he's not drinking himself to oblivion every day anymore that he is fine and doesn't have a problem. He buys a six pack a day, even with me repeating calmly every day I don't want him to drink today. Or if he starts feeling sick, and he doesn't buy any for a few days to a week, he thinks that proves he doesn't have a problem. He also thinks that when he buys two 24 oz beers instead of 6 12 oz beers that is somehow him drinking less.... Basically I'm supposed to be happy that he is drinking "moderately" rather than "heavily". I too feel sick and disgusted whenever I see him with a beer in his hand. It's a horrible reminder of what he can become when he drinks, and the fact that no matter how much I want him to quit, he won't.
seekerofsanity is offline  
Old 12-20-2011, 07:04 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 146
Maybe they're out there somewhere but I don't recall ever seeing an alcoholic being able to 'moderate' their drinking long term. It always escalated into full blown progressive drinking after trying to 'moderate' it. All it would take would be some kind of stressor to start the ball rolling again.
tabatha is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:52 AM.