PixieGirl

So I couldn't spend another minute in that house, I packed mine and the little guy's stuff in bags and I'm at my mom's. Haven't communicated with AH since then. I know we'll have to sort out things to do with the house, our joint account, bills, daycare etc etc. I feel too overwhelmed right now. I'd like to never have to see him again! I know that I did the right thing, but I just feel sad and depressed about letting go of the fantasy family I wanted so bad. And I'm struggling with the guilt of leaving him, even though I know I didn't earn that guilt. Codependant No More has been a great comfort, and I'm going to a nearby alanon group tomorrow. I just feel like and emotional train wreck. Thoughts and emotions are all over the place, sometimes I can barely concentrate on anything. Anyway, just wanted to say that's where it's at. Oh and of course I feel all this guilt because it's Christmas and there's all these expectations. Any comments and kind words are so much appreciated!!

LostinBA

Sorry to hear you had to leave. But congratulations. There will be another man someday to give you that fantasy family and you will no what to look for. Take care of yourself and your little one.

dollydo

IMHO you did exactly the right thing. Be kind to yourself, allow yourself to grieve and then move forward, one day at a time, heading towards a peaceful, productive life for you and your son.

Sending hugs and support your way....Dolly

Learn2Live

You can, and should, REFUSE to feel the guilt. We can all write nice posts and stories about why you should not FEEL guilty, but you already KNOW it is not your fault, you are not to blame, that you did not Cause it, you cannot Cure it, and you cannot Control it; Don't you? So, you RECOGNIZE the guilt, etc, now all you have to do is Accept these things. The way to Acceptance is through your THOUGHTS. Many people find new Thoughts to help with Acceptance in a Higher Power, in 12-Step meetings, at a place of worship, etc.

Also what helped me was to finally Accept that the fantasy family and all those other Expectations were what I thought I would get in exchange for my hard work and dedication, what I thought I DESERVED, what I thought SHOULD BE. I had to Learn and Accept that there are no guarantees in life, there is only Life. And it is a Journey. That I was and am not Entitled to ANYTHING. That there are so many people with less than me, truly suffering, and that there is Peace in being Grateful. Lastly, I now know that what I THINK other people, other couples, and other families have, is just an illusion. There is no Perfect Family, and no perfect spouse. We are all of us struggling in some form or another.

(((hugs))) You did good.

Willybluedog

Please remember you are doing this for your childs benefit as well as your own, you are doing great, be strong.

Many of us have taken the same heartbroken, painful steps you are taking now. It is a hard road, but, you will not walk alone, I promise if you need someone to talk to, a hug, need to rant or vent or just need propping up I will be here for you as I am sure will be many others.

You have joined a family, I can only speak for me but I can tell you I am one of the hurt, the damaged, the occasionally frail and weak, but I will not quit, I will not let the people who hurt me win, and I hope you won't either.

Many here have given me a shoulder, carried me when I could not walk, dried my tears and made me laugh, I hope you will give me the chance to be there for you.

Best of luck to you, you and your child will be in my thoughts.

Bill

nodaybut2day

Pixiegirl...you did what you HAD to do, to protect your child. That is something to be proud of. I know the rollercoaster ride of emotion you are on right now; I've been there too. Remember to take care of the basic needs of HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) and spend lots of time hugging your little one. You can and WILL get through this.

PixieGirl

Thank you so much everyone! I'm reading your posts and the stickies over and over again, feeling a little bit stronger at this moment. I'll just try to work on one day at a time. *deep breath*

theuncertainty

Big, big bear hug, Pixie. :ghug3

You're a courageous lady and an amazing mom! Please remember to give yourself time to sit with your sadness. It'll crest and you'll be OK; you already are OK.

Nope, the guilt is not yours to hold. What helped me let go of mine over leaving XAH was going over the reasons I left, and truly recognizing that they were / are very valid reasons.

Sending hugs for you and your little guy.

PixieGirl

Thank you so much Theuncertainty!! It's great to hear, even if it doesn't feel that way right now. I think I do need to make a list as was suggested to me before of all the good reasons I left, and just keep reminding myself. My mind keeps wanting to figure everything out all at once, so I'm trying to keep telling myself to just take one baby step at a time. Well, this was a pretty big step! But I felt it had finally reached that point where I just couldn't and wouldn't take it anymore. It helped to read back over my journal from the past few years to see that I had been going through the SAME merry-go-round many times before!

Carol Star

Alanon has a pamphlet about the merry-go-round......so nice to get off of it......I am 4 yrs. post divorce and am in so much gratitude. I now have healthy boundaries, take care of me, stand up for myself, have new recovery family, and face each day positive and trust my HP to show me the way and reach out to others. Quite lovely way to live.

Cyranoak

What an incredible expression of love for your child and yourself. Congratulations on doing the hard, but right, thing and congratulations on the first day of the rest of your life.

Take care,

Cyranoak

lillamy

I will tell you what my counselor told me (and I've said it many, many times here): Not only do you have the RIGHT, you have the RESPONSIBILITY to remove yourself and your child from a dysfunctional situation.

I waited 20 years. I have three children with post-traumatic stress disorder and God knows how many years of treatment/counseling ahead of them. I wish I had left earlier, but I left when I could.

Good choice, girl. Really good choice.