Pelican

Hello Friends and Family!

I have been re-reading some of the wisdom in the stickies at the top. I have also noticed some new names posting in the forum. Welcome to SR!

In the stickies (older, permanent posts) there is a lot of wisdom and experience to draw strength from. As my life journey continues, I find myself needing new insights and refreshers on prior lessons learned.

One issue I continue to work on is codependency. It is a term used frequently in this forum. If you wonder what it looks like and feels like, we have an excellent link that shares that information. Here is an excerpt:

''What is Codependency?

These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self evaluation. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers as they begin to understand codependency and may aid those who have been in recovery a while determining what traits still need attention and transformation.

Denial Patterns:

* I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
* I minimize, alter, or deny how I truly feel.
* I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.

Low Self Esteem Patterns:

* I have difficulty making decisions.
* I judge everything I think, say, or do harshly, as never "good enough."
* I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
* I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
* I value other's approval of my thinking, feelings, and behaviors over my own.
* I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.

Compliance Patterns:

* I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.
* I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
* I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
* I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am often afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
* I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
* I accept sex when I want love.

Control Patterns:

* I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
* I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel.
* I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
* I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
* I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
* I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
* I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others. ''

If you want to learn more......
here is the link to the entire post:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-1-a.html

Wishing you a peaceful journey!

NYCDoglvr

Thanks so much for posting this... What I've seen in myself is that it's much easier to put the focus on someone else than deal with my own issues. I'd rather shift blame than take responsibility for changing my life. It's a process and, if I'm willing, I can do the hard work I need to do. I can't do it alone however, I need the support and encouragement of other people who have been in my shoes.