Mystelystyle

TO make it as short as possible, i have a brother that has been addicted to cocaine in the last 6 months, he's in brazil, and i'm in the USA, my family's there, and my mom is cryin all the time and deeply depressed, complaining of heartaches and overstressin because of my brother. She just found that he's going out with a major drugdealer's wife, the drugdealer's in jail though. And to make it worse he owes $350 of coke to some drugdealer, i know that he's either gonna be killed by the girl's man, or cuz of money. My mom asked me to llend her money so she can pay it, but i refused cuz i know he's gonna end up using more and more, what should i do?

Tunie

Hi Mystelystyle.

This sounds like a very stressful situation. I would imagine that you want your mom to stop stressing, who wants your brother to stop using... ect.

You probably feel that enabling your brother isn't the right choice. Your mother is probably at her wits end trying to figure how to help her son and probably feels that the best solution right now would be to help him with his debt.

You should do what feels right and true to yourself. It can hurt to have a family pulling in different directions concerning an addicted family member.

It's rather frightening that you say he's going to be killed for one reason or another. I really hope that it doesn't come to that conclusion. And I certainly hope that your mother is safe and doesn't get herself too involved in his illicit activity.

Make sure your mother is safe. If you don't feel that participating in your brother's drug activity is the right choice, then don't do it.

Good luck, Mystelystyle.

Mystelystyle

Thank you guys, i really appreciate it, im considering $350 is what he owes because drugs are cheaper down there, and im not exaggerating saying that hes gonna get killed either way because things in my neighborhood down in Brazil are really scary, drugdealers dont play down there, and im thinkin of callin the cops on him so maybe theyll get him with a large amount of drugs so they can arrest him , and thanks for the advice of keepin my mom safe, i never thought of that, i think she might be gettin too into his problems. God bless you all

Tunie

If you think that calling the cops on him will keep him safe by throwing him in jail, it could be a good idea.

BUT, what would happen in he didn't get thrown in jail? Would the involvement of police increase his danger of being killed/getting in trouble with drug dealers?

Try to make it clear to your mother that by helping him get out of his drug trouble isn't helping her son, it's helping the drug addict within her son.

LexieCat

My guess is that jail isn't a whole lot safer than being on the streets. Giving your brother the money won't prevent this little scenario from playing out again. And again and again and again. That's pretty much the nature of addiction.

I think praying for him would probably do you both more good. That, and Nar-Anon (group for families of drug addicts).

Hugs, sorry you are dealing with this scary situation.

Mystelystyle

Guys sadly i dont have many option and i cant do much, jail cells in Brazil are really in terrible condition and they give rotten foods to the prisoners, and he could easily be killed in there, so i cant throw him in jail, and ive found out that its just a matter of time for him to be murdered, im gonna call my mom and tell her that she has to be mentally prepared and expecting the tragedy cuz the chances of that happening are really high. I'm gonna try to keep her strong, she's my main concern overall, i don't want to see her lose desire in life, the only i think might work would be encarcerating him home in a small bedroom, tie his hands and legs in a safe chair , feed him and babysit him...i hope she agrees to do that, i know it's gonna be hard though, we have no support, and nobody really cares about him besides my mother and i. Do any of you have any idea on how home encarcerating would work?

Pelican

ummm, that sounds like kidnapping. Don't care what country you live in, holding someone captive against their will is illegal.

If your brother is using drugs, forcing him to be sober may kill him. His withdrawals may cause siezures or heart failure. Detox is best left to professionals.

Your brother is an adult.
These are his choices. The consequences are his also.

The three C's of addiction:

You did not Cause it
You can not Control it
You will not Cure it

I'm sorry about the heartache your family is experiencing. I hope you will reach out to Alanon or Nar anon meetings in your community for support. Maybe your mom can find some meetings in her community as well.

Mystelystyle

Thanks man, but i mean, he probably dont have many months left, all his friends died already, most of them under 21, and my friends died too, most teens over there snors coke, they prefer coke over weed. Weed is weak, so i wouldnt even mind if he smoked weed. But now he has two people that wanna kill him, and hes not protected at all, hes gonna die, a major drugdealer would never let another guy **** his girl and gets away with it just like that, givin him to the cops aint an option, theyd still kill him, penitentiary there sucks really bad. And if he dies, my mom will probably develop serious health problems, which will lead to her death, and that cannot happen.

Hanna

Are certain any of this info is fact? How are you finding these things out?
It sounds to me like you are super stressed and making dire predictions based on the worst case scenario. He's trying to get money from your mother. Any chance you can just bring her to stay with you for a visit, to get her out of the situation?
I don't advocate parents paying off their child's drug debts - more only follow and what you have in the end is not just a sibling addict, but a sibling addict and a broke enabling parent. I know, trust me.