I feel pathetic
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Green Bay, WI
Posts: 2
I feel pathetic
I know I am supposed to be happy today, but dang, timing sucks.
I am graduating tonight from a college program and have no one to invite. I have 5 invites sitting on my table but there they sit. My AB is using again and I am not even calling him to come (or remind him I should say). My 3 children are with their dad (a closet cocaine user) 50 miles away, because I was in clinicals early every morning and didn't want them alone, plus he has a much better school district and they are happy. I miss them terribly but we are very close and enjoy every weekend together.
I was a SAHM for 14 years and after putting up with his abuse/lying/cheating was faced with starting over with nothing. We owned a business, a home and 3 vehicles and I got a 10 yr old suv and half his credit card debt - yay. Great attorney I had.
Anyway, that is another story.....my AB is really my only support system. I gradually have isolated myself over the past 15 years and don't even reach out to my family. My own fault, I know. My AB has just relapsed after rehab and I do not want to be around him. For one thing, he treats me like dirt when he's using and I just have had enough drama to last a lifetime with him. My choice.
So here I sit staring at my graduation gown feeling pathetic.
Life is so fun.
I am graduating tonight from a college program and have no one to invite. I have 5 invites sitting on my table but there they sit. My AB is using again and I am not even calling him to come (or remind him I should say). My 3 children are with their dad (a closet cocaine user) 50 miles away, because I was in clinicals early every morning and didn't want them alone, plus he has a much better school district and they are happy. I miss them terribly but we are very close and enjoy every weekend together.
I was a SAHM for 14 years and after putting up with his abuse/lying/cheating was faced with starting over with nothing. We owned a business, a home and 3 vehicles and I got a 10 yr old suv and half his credit card debt - yay. Great attorney I had.
Anyway, that is another story.....my AB is really my only support system. I gradually have isolated myself over the past 15 years and don't even reach out to my family. My own fault, I know. My AB has just relapsed after rehab and I do not want to be around him. For one thing, he treats me like dirt when he's using and I just have had enough drama to last a lifetime with him. My choice.
So here I sit staring at my graduation gown feeling pathetic.
Life is so fun.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 218
Congratulations on graduation.. Enjoy this for yourself, it's the start of something new. When you get to the graduation, look for a table with someone you know and sit with them and celebrate your moving forward. Then take the next step and move on from your AB support system. Is it really support just to have someone there?? You succeeded in graduating, now what's stopping you from succeeding else where? Probably the same person that has stopped me (myself). Celebrate tonight! Have fun and keep venting here. You will get a lot better advice than I can give some really good people.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Green Bay, WI
Posts: 2
Thank you LBA for the words of encouragment. You are right about me being my own worst enemy. It took everything I had left -which wasn't much, to go back to school but I did it. I should try and be proud of that.
God works in mysterious ways. My 11 yr old son just called out of the blue and I told him about tonight. (I had already asked the ex but he forgets everything) He told dad he wanted to come and with some finaggling on his end he's bringing my two youngest. He's a lying/cheatin/user, but he knows my kids are everything to me. I have to appreciate that about him.
So, I'm thrilled they are coming and I better run get the iron!
Thank you!
God works in mysterious ways. My 11 yr old son just called out of the blue and I told him about tonight. (I had already asked the ex but he forgets everything) He told dad he wanted to come and with some finaggling on his end he's bringing my two youngest. He's a lying/cheatin/user, but he knows my kids are everything to me. I have to appreciate that about him.
So, I'm thrilled they are coming and I better run get the iron!
Thank you!
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
You are SO NOT PATHETIC StartingToStop!!!! You are finishing this college program and that makes you AWESOME! 
I know exactly how you feel and I was in the same position when I finished a college program. No family to come to my graduation. They did not even go to my high school graduation, and I have a BIG family; someONE could have come.
AT LEAST YOU ARE GOING!!! That is AWESOME too! I didn't even go to mine!
We are with you there in spirit. We are proud of you and Congratulate you for finishing that program! You are doing the right thing, have finished what you started, and have worked diligently to do so! Way to go!
Pretend this banner says Congratulations! instead of Happy Birthday on it. (I just love all the little people; those are all of us from SR F&F; so I wanted to use that smilie in particular).
:day
I know exactly how you feel and I was in the same position when I finished a college program. No family to come to my graduation. They did not even go to my high school graduation, and I have a BIG family; someONE could have come.
AT LEAST YOU ARE GOING!!! That is AWESOME too! I didn't even go to mine!
We are with you there in spirit. We are proud of you and Congratulate you for finishing that program! You are doing the right thing, have finished what you started, and have worked diligently to do so! Way to go!
Pretend this banner says Congratulations! instead of Happy Birthday on it. (I just love all the little people; those are all of us from SR F&F; so I wanted to use that smilie in particular).
:day
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Congratulation on your big achievement. I'm very sorry about the rest of it, but sometimes it takes a big wallop to see our mistakes and begin the process of changing. You've certainly worked very hard to earn a degree and deserve a terrific life.
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
you are not pathetic. This is your acheivement, it is only important that you are there to receive the acknowledgement of your hard work: CONGRATULATIONS 
.
I've had 3 graduations: the first I invited my parents and brother, my parents had divorced c. 1 year before and were not on speaking terms. despite their best efforts it was filled with tension and I spent the whoe time worrying about them. The second, I thought: stuff that for a game of soldiers and invited my then boyfriend. He missed the ceremony, staying in the pub until the end of it. The third: I was completely disallusioned by then and didn't want a fuss, but xAH came and his parents gave me a lovely celebration afterwards which was very kind of them, however, since we have divorced they none of them think well of me (understatement), so frankly it is my acheivement that is important to me, not who came or didn't to the ceremonies.
Of course you want someone to share that great acheivement and celebrate with, but not having someone doesn't mean you are pathetic or the acheivement is any less. perhaps though it highlights that right now that there is no adult worthy of that privalege in your life, and maybe now college is over you can devote some time to getting yourself some great people in your life who value you, because you deserve that, and those people will be enriched by having you in theirs
. I've had 3 graduations: the first I invited my parents and brother, my parents had divorced c. 1 year before and were not on speaking terms. despite their best efforts it was filled with tension and I spent the whoe time worrying about them. The second, I thought: stuff that for a game of soldiers and invited my then boyfriend. He missed the ceremony, staying in the pub until the end of it. The third: I was completely disallusioned by then and didn't want a fuss, but xAH came and his parents gave me a lovely celebration afterwards which was very kind of them, however, since we have divorced they none of them think well of me (understatement), so frankly it is my acheivement that is important to me, not who came or didn't to the ceremonies.
Of course you want someone to share that great acheivement and celebrate with, but not having someone doesn't mean you are pathetic or the acheivement is any less. perhaps though it highlights that right now that there is no adult worthy of that privalege in your life, and maybe now college is over you can devote some time to getting yourself some great people in your life who value you, because you deserve that, and those people will be enriched by having you in theirs
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
I got my bachelor's and master's degrees from the same college.
For the bachelor's degree, I invited my parents. They came and took pictures and left shortly after the ceremony was over. The ceremony itself was a joke; the people graduating wandered into the football stadium to sit in uncomfortable metal chairs, while a "guest speaker" went on to speak about her achievements in life which basically amounted to bragging about herself and over-speaking her allotted time slot by a half hour while those of us graduating threw paper airplanes at each other and those with cell phones called random people (while those who didn't borrowed phones from those who did to complete the same task). They didn't even announce us by major; my name was misspelled in the graduation booklet.
At least the private little "hooding ceremony" for my specific branch of the college was nice.
When I got my master's degree, I decided why even sit through that torture chamber? I skipped the ceremony altogether, and simply went out to a very expensive Italian restaurant with my then-boyfriend (XABF, but before his drinking problem became apparent to me, so I had a great time - ignorance is bliss, I suppose).
That degree helped me get a job where I didn't really meet the required qualifications, but I knew I'd be good at it. (The job I have now, as a matter of fact, which I love). (It also helped me get a giant discount when purchasing the car I currently drive - they were having a special promotion). That said, I still refer to it as "the piece of paper that tells me I'm officially allowed to be smart."
It's the accomplishment, and nothing else, that truly matters. Do things the way you want to do them, and celebrate the way you want to celebrate - it's up to you!
Congratulations on your degree!
For the bachelor's degree, I invited my parents. They came and took pictures and left shortly after the ceremony was over. The ceremony itself was a joke; the people graduating wandered into the football stadium to sit in uncomfortable metal chairs, while a "guest speaker" went on to speak about her achievements in life which basically amounted to bragging about herself and over-speaking her allotted time slot by a half hour while those of us graduating threw paper airplanes at each other and those with cell phones called random people (while those who didn't borrowed phones from those who did to complete the same task). They didn't even announce us by major; my name was misspelled in the graduation booklet.
At least the private little "hooding ceremony" for my specific branch of the college was nice.
When I got my master's degree, I decided why even sit through that torture chamber? I skipped the ceremony altogether, and simply went out to a very expensive Italian restaurant with my then-boyfriend (XABF, but before his drinking problem became apparent to me, so I had a great time - ignorance is bliss, I suppose).
That degree helped me get a job where I didn't really meet the required qualifications, but I knew I'd be good at it. (The job I have now, as a matter of fact, which I love). (It also helped me get a giant discount when purchasing the car I currently drive - they were having a special promotion). That said, I still refer to it as "the piece of paper that tells me I'm officially allowed to be smart."
It's the accomplishment, and nothing else, that truly matters. Do things the way you want to do them, and celebrate the way you want to celebrate - it's up to you!
Congratulations on your degree!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
You know, you sound a bit like Eeyore in this post:
"It took everything I had left -which wasn't much, to go back to school but I did it. I should try and be proud of that."
You shouldn't "try and be proud"...You should be proud. It didn't take what you had left...it might have taken your all, but that didn't leave you with less than you started with, it just showed what you've got! And "it wasn't much"? No, it was ALOT! But you did it.
I hope you consider looking at yourself and your abilities differently. If the language you use here is any indication, you aren't giving yourself nearly enough credit.
Congratulations on your graduation. You deserve a huge pat on the back!
"It took everything I had left -which wasn't much, to go back to school but I did it. I should try and be proud of that."
You shouldn't "try and be proud"...You should be proud. It didn't take what you had left...it might have taken your all, but that didn't leave you with less than you started with, it just showed what you've got! And "it wasn't much"? No, it was ALOT! But you did it.
I hope you consider looking at yourself and your abilities differently. If the language you use here is any indication, you aren't giving yourself nearly enough credit.
Congratulations on your graduation. You deserve a huge pat on the back!
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