ashally3

im new to this whole thing. well, not really "new"... ive been affected by an alcoholic for the past few years and im just now trying to reach out i guess. my dad is my alcoholic. hes a wonderful man. the best man ive ever known. he and my mother had a great marriage and he never abused us physically. he never abused us emotionally until now. i guess its emotional abuse... all i can do is cry and pray. he is currently in treatment and while im so relieved hes getting help, it still breaks my heart and i just miss him more than ive ever missed another human being. im an emotional wreck. ive been married for 7yrs and i have 3 small children and i stay home with them while my husband works. my dad and my husband get along great. we havent been able to spend much time with my parents in the last few years because of my dads drinking. he and my husband would drink together. i fear that my husband is a functioning alcoholic. he never really gets drunk but he drinks every single day. he drinks vodka which is also what my dad liked to drink. when dad entered treatment, i asked my husband to stop with the vodka. im terrified of the stuff now. he said he would but has continued to drink it behind my back. i know that i cant make him stop, but im worried if i dont do something he will end up in the same boat as my dad. its like i can see this nightmare coming a mile away and there isnt a thing i can do about it. if he continues and i just try to ignore it, i feel like im enabling him. i know this whole thing is making me crazy. we have been fighting a lot about it. i know i need to go to al-anon but with my 3 small children and a husband who works in the oil field, its hard to find the time. i cant leave them with my inlaws because they are alcoholics too and i have to put my babies first. i just really need some guidance. i feel like my life is spinning out of control.

choublak

Hello! Welcome to SR.

It helps to learn and remember the 3 C's:

You didn't cause it
You can't control it
You can't cure it

More help will be along shortly.

ashally3

i will try harder to remember the 3 c's. i guess what makes me so mad about it is seeing what my parents are going through. my husband sees what this is doing to all of us and still continues to drink. i dont want that for us and i dont want our children to go through what im going through with my dad. its like i have to sit back and watch it happen.

however, i do already feel a little bit better just from talking about it finally!

Willybluedog

Ashally3,

Welcome to the SR family, so sorry for all you are going through, you will find a lot of support here, please read the stickies at the top, and go over to the Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) Forum and read the stickies and posts over there.

I believe if you go to the al-anon website you can find an online meeting to attend that will work with your schedule.

If you want to vent, talk, need propping up or a hug I will be here for you.

My mom has been an alcoholic for over 40 years (I am 49) and it has affected not only me but my children who are 11 & 13, so I know where you are coming from.

Take care, best of luck to you.

Bill

ashally3

Bill, thank you for your kind words. I'm so glad to finally meet people who know exactly how I feel. Up until now I haven't really had anyone. All of my friends drink. It's hard for me to pour my heart out to them when I know they don't get it. Just yesterday I was asking one of my closest friends what I should get my dad for Christmas. Her reply was "well, I guess rum cake is out of the question." and then proceeded to laugh. I know I'm extremely sensitive right now and I'm sure one day I will be able to joke about it. But right now it just hurts.

chronsweet

Yeah, I don't think I would have been laughing at the rum cake joke either. Seems rather insensitive for a friend to say something like that when a person is hurting. I know the feeling of living with an Alcoholic, it just really sucks to put it lightly. My abf's mom comes to town 10-12 times a year and EVERY SINGLE time she and my abf drink together. I think it reinforces for him that it is normal and okay to want to drink for every single event including football games, holidays, breakfast or dinner out on the town or inside the house for that matter. It gets rather overwhelming being the only sober parent to a 2 year old on my part. I always have to drive everywhere, and have to keep my son safe from a parent who WOULD drink and drive with him if I weren't protecting him like a hawk. It sucks not being able to rely on the other parent to help out in terms of standard care that is needed. It sucks knowing we could be saving money for a house (while houses are cheap and interest rates low) BUT, alas, one of the people in the relationship choose to drink every dime away in their pocket, literally.

I have decided I want MORE out of a relationship than being another grown adult's keeper. I have decided I want to be able to actually communicate with another grown adult in the household. I actually had my bro stay with me for a month a couple months ago with him and two of his kids and I was happy to have people to talk to. Very sad

Tunie

In my area, there are one or two Al-Anon meetings that have childcare. Go to Al-Anon's website and look for their phone number, and see if you can ask about any meetings with childcare in your area.

You're obviously a wonderful mother that has deep compassion for her children and family. Make sure that you have compassion for yourself as well, because you're doing the best you can with the situation you've been given.