wonderwall2

i feel as if drinking has taken away my best friend. Being with an alcoholic isn't easy. But then again, i'm pretty strong and still manage to take care of myself, house and work. Somedays are hard, and some days are great. I have always stood by his side in the good and the bad. Never cared about what my family thought or anyone else for that matter. I view security, not by money but as little things, the hugs, cuddling, kisses things like that. I feel as if drinking has taken those things away from me, as it has taken loved ones away also. Sometimes I even wonder with the sobriety, is this person going to give me a chance. See me for me, know that I will be content with anything as long as we are together. When we aren't together it feels as if the whole world has just more or less crashed. I keep thinking to myself "no good deed goes undone" and maybe i will get that. Or maybe its just me and the holidays are hard. I wonder if he doesn't come home, is that because of me, i know that I am not the greatest person to be around all the time, but I do miss my friend, the comfort that I have when its just me and him. Maybe its just me and being paranoid. So word of advice to those who have someone and/or recovering, No matter how bad you may feel, the ones who love you and have been there, don't shove them out of your life. They will always be the ones who will be there, and for the ones who weren't there when times were bad, there is a reason why they didn't make it.

jessiec

Hugs. I know some of what you are feeling, as I have an ABF who I dearly love. I'm coming to realize (through therapy and reading Codependent No More, The Language of Letting Go -- great books, please check them out if you haven't) that I cannot stop alcoholism from drowning him. But I can stop it from drowning me.

I am still in love, I still have hope and I still pray we, as a couple, can be a success story. That said, I have set some boundaries (leaving/not talking to him if he drinks), I have taken a few steps backs, I've gotten my head on a bit straighter, I'm focusing more on me (what is it *I* want? Tonight, I decided I needed a night at my house to take care of my business), asserting my needs. I'm feeling a bit stronger.

Learn2Live

Hi wonderwall2, to SR.