Need to stay strong, tomorrow THE TALK
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Maplewood, MN
Posts: 121
Need to stay strong, tomorrow THE TALK
I could really use some encouragement.
I am 3+ years sober, with a alcoholic boyfriend of 5 years. He is functional, and happy-go-lucky, but immature, works only part time, and stuck in the 80's.
He has been diagnosed with Hep C, and they want to do a liver biopsy on him to see if there is any other damage to the liver.
His plan "he will cut down".....He drinks everyday 12 pack plus. He is not emotionally abusive, physically abusive, depressed none of that, but still an alcoholic none the less.
We do not live together. I don't mind being around people that drink at all, doesn't bother me, but being in a relationship with someone I KNOW is an alcoholic does! I have been mentally/emotionally detaching from him for almost a year. In that year, I have let him know that I am growing away from him, that I am not happy, that I need him to get a part time job so he is at least working the same amount of hours I am, and that how much he drinks bothers me. I have told him I feel alone in this relationship, and that I actually feel like the MAN in this relationship. NOTHING changed........(I thought the feeling like the man would do something!!)
Anyway knowing now that he has Hep C, and he still won't say he is going to quit, blows my mind.
We do have a joint account together, and really thats about it, phone bill too. I opened my own individual account about 9 months ago just to feel like I had some control.
So, we are going to have a heart to heart tomorrow. I am going to tell him I want to seperate our accounts, I want to see him support himself and manage his money. This will probably break him.
The second thing I am going to tell him is that I will not stay with him if he continues to drink. I can not sit by and watch someone I love with the knowledge he has do more damage.
Don't know how it will go, but I need get this out. I just don't want to back down. I really do have a hard time hurting or making someone sad!!! But at this point I think I am just plain pissed, it consumes my every thought of my every day!
Any words of wisdom would be appreciated
I am 3+ years sober, with a alcoholic boyfriend of 5 years. He is functional, and happy-go-lucky, but immature, works only part time, and stuck in the 80's.
He has been diagnosed with Hep C, and they want to do a liver biopsy on him to see if there is any other damage to the liver.
His plan "he will cut down".....He drinks everyday 12 pack plus. He is not emotionally abusive, physically abusive, depressed none of that, but still an alcoholic none the less.
We do not live together. I don't mind being around people that drink at all, doesn't bother me, but being in a relationship with someone I KNOW is an alcoholic does! I have been mentally/emotionally detaching from him for almost a year. In that year, I have let him know that I am growing away from him, that I am not happy, that I need him to get a part time job so he is at least working the same amount of hours I am, and that how much he drinks bothers me. I have told him I feel alone in this relationship, and that I actually feel like the MAN in this relationship. NOTHING changed........(I thought the feeling like the man would do something!!)
Anyway knowing now that he has Hep C, and he still won't say he is going to quit, blows my mind.
We do have a joint account together, and really thats about it, phone bill too. I opened my own individual account about 9 months ago just to feel like I had some control.
So, we are going to have a heart to heart tomorrow. I am going to tell him I want to seperate our accounts, I want to see him support himself and manage his money. This will probably break him.
The second thing I am going to tell him is that I will not stay with him if he continues to drink. I can not sit by and watch someone I love with the knowledge he has do more damage.
Don't know how it will go, but I need get this out. I just don't want to back down. I really do have a hard time hurting or making someone sad!!! But at this point I think I am just plain pissed, it consumes my every thought of my every day!
Any words of wisdom would be appreciated
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
Good for you, stay strong, stay calm, stay on track, don't let him derail the conversation with tears or promises, tell him what you need, personally I would set a deadline for things to happen, others here may disagree.
Best of luck to you,
Bill
Best of luck to you,
Bill
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 588
When I have to do an important talk and want to make sure I actually do say what I want to say, I make a little note to have with me, usually just a bullet form list of the main points. Having the note keeps me focused and when I feel the conversation straying I can use it to put me back on track. For some reason I feel stronger; less emotional, that I know I will say what I need to say, unless the person leaves the conversation.
Hope all goes well for you!
Hope all goes well for you!
Journey To Me
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Kyle, Texas
Posts: 395
Sending my support too. I know it is tough to have a conversation such as this one with someone you care about so much. I'm glad you are taking care of yourself and setting those boundaries.
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