Is this her rock bottom?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1
Is this her rock bottom?
I am so happy to find this site. I have a mother who is an alcoholic. For me, I started to notice a drinking problem when I was in high school. I would notice my mother hiding her wine....I thought this was bizarre behavior. She would have a wine glass in her closet in her room, behind a door, etc. When she drank her wine, her personality changed almost immediately. My mother is the most kind hearted, giving wonderful woman-but when she drinks, that goes out the window. Its hard to explain but when she does drink, she doesnt necessarily slur, stumble etc- but her personality changes and she starts repeating things, just acts odd. I know her signs.
There have been countless events and situations where her drinking has really ruined things. I remember a lot when I was younger- she would yell a lot...start fights etc. Sometimes, she would even have her wine in colored plastic cups, thinking we wouldnt know and think it was her "water"- we (my brother and I) knew better.
We have tried to confront her about it for YEARS- and she always said she would stop, etc. Empty promises. From the outside, we were the perfect family...some would call her a "functioning" alchoholic. Her job was never effected- in fact, no one really knows. Her siblings are all alcoholics and all are the same way- they hide their alcohol.
About a year and a half ago, my mother started going to AA (after yet again a situation where my brother and I said enough is enough). She was doing so well. I could see the change in her, she seemed happy and she really enjoyed going. She met friends and would meet them for coffee before and after meetings- it was so great to see. I o not live cloe to my parents, so I am not there all the time to ensure she is doing well and staying off the wine....but I need to trust her. I always told her if she had the urge to stop at a liquor store or pour a glass, call me.....I never received that call.
I am now 36 with a daughter of my own. She is my mothers worls and joy---my mothers world revolves around her. She is only 6 months and I have always said she will never experience or see what I have when it comes to alcohol. I am in protective mode. So, my parents came out this weekend for a visit and for my daughters baptism. This was to be a beautiful time and a joy to celebrate....or so I thought. They arrived on Saturday and that evening my hhusbnd and I had a Christmas party to attend. I thought what great timing, my parents can babysit. When we got home from the party, which was early...I came downstairs to fin my mother watching TV and she was acting odd...like I said before, I know immediately when she has had drinks....and I knew in my gut....she drank. In my house watching my child! I was furious....I did not confront her that night (I know better) but did the next day. The next day in the afternoon she again was acting strange so I point blank asked her if she got into something the night before. She denied it and denied it...swearing on everyones soul she would never do that.....only to hear 40 minutes later after my persistance, she admitted she took wine from my wine rack and opened a bottle. She was a mess, emotional, needless to say I flew off the handle and my father and husband came upstairs and we had a non planned intervention. My father was shocked--as he was in the house and didnt know she did this...While watching my child!! I was (and still am) sick to my stomach and my husband and I decided to postpone the baptism and my parents flew back yesterday and cut their stay short. I just did not have it in me to pretend all was ok when it is not. I know that this is a disease...but I draw the line with her drinking and babysitting my baby. I dont care if my daughter was asleep for the night when she supposedly did this...when you have a drinking problem, this is big deal! She made an appointment with her therpist for today when she was home--
I'm still in shock and of course, go back and forth on whether i made the right decision to cancel everything. I feel guilty and hurt. Part of me feels that we have swept this under the rug too long...she needs to know there are consequences to her actions. I am so sad and hurt because I know she is hurting- I told her that we are all here as we always have been to support her in what she needs.....but she needs to get to the root of this problem once and for all.
I would welcome any advice, thoughts and opinions. I am so sad of what has occured this week...I am just at a loss and feeling very guilty.
Thanks for listening.
There have been countless events and situations where her drinking has really ruined things. I remember a lot when I was younger- she would yell a lot...start fights etc. Sometimes, she would even have her wine in colored plastic cups, thinking we wouldnt know and think it was her "water"- we (my brother and I) knew better.
We have tried to confront her about it for YEARS- and she always said she would stop, etc. Empty promises. From the outside, we were the perfect family...some would call her a "functioning" alchoholic. Her job was never effected- in fact, no one really knows. Her siblings are all alcoholics and all are the same way- they hide their alcohol.
About a year and a half ago, my mother started going to AA (after yet again a situation where my brother and I said enough is enough). She was doing so well. I could see the change in her, she seemed happy and she really enjoyed going. She met friends and would meet them for coffee before and after meetings- it was so great to see. I o not live cloe to my parents, so I am not there all the time to ensure she is doing well and staying off the wine....but I need to trust her. I always told her if she had the urge to stop at a liquor store or pour a glass, call me.....I never received that call.
I am now 36 with a daughter of my own. She is my mothers worls and joy---my mothers world revolves around her. She is only 6 months and I have always said she will never experience or see what I have when it comes to alcohol. I am in protective mode. So, my parents came out this weekend for a visit and for my daughters baptism. This was to be a beautiful time and a joy to celebrate....or so I thought. They arrived on Saturday and that evening my hhusbnd and I had a Christmas party to attend. I thought what great timing, my parents can babysit. When we got home from the party, which was early...I came downstairs to fin my mother watching TV and she was acting odd...like I said before, I know immediately when she has had drinks....and I knew in my gut....she drank. In my house watching my child! I was furious....I did not confront her that night (I know better) but did the next day. The next day in the afternoon she again was acting strange so I point blank asked her if she got into something the night before. She denied it and denied it...swearing on everyones soul she would never do that.....only to hear 40 minutes later after my persistance, she admitted she took wine from my wine rack and opened a bottle. She was a mess, emotional, needless to say I flew off the handle and my father and husband came upstairs and we had a non planned intervention. My father was shocked--as he was in the house and didnt know she did this...While watching my child!! I was (and still am) sick to my stomach and my husband and I decided to postpone the baptism and my parents flew back yesterday and cut their stay short. I just did not have it in me to pretend all was ok when it is not. I know that this is a disease...but I draw the line with her drinking and babysitting my baby. I dont care if my daughter was asleep for the night when she supposedly did this...when you have a drinking problem, this is big deal! She made an appointment with her therpist for today when she was home--
I'm still in shock and of course, go back and forth on whether i made the right decision to cancel everything. I feel guilty and hurt. Part of me feels that we have swept this under the rug too long...she needs to know there are consequences to her actions. I am so sad and hurt because I know she is hurting- I told her that we are all here as we always have been to support her in what she needs.....but she needs to get to the root of this problem once and for all.
I would welcome any advice, thoughts and opinions. I am so sad of what has occured this week...I am just at a loss and feeling very guilty.
Thanks for listening.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
Please make yourself at home by reading the posts and stickies (older permanent posts at the top) and by posting as much as needed. You will find information, support and wisdom from caring individuals. Glad you found us!
I don't know if this is your mom's rock bottom. Time will tell.
I think you are a good mom! You need to be able to trust the people around your child, and that trust was broken by your mom's addiction.
You stated that your mom will follow-up with a therapist and your mother has attended AA. What steps are you taking for yourself? Have you attended Al anon meetings? Is your community large enough to offer ACOA meetings?
These support groups will offer you face-to-face support and information as you continue to recover from living with a loved ones addiction.
Wishing you a peaceful journey and blessings on your new family member!
Please make yourself at home by reading the posts and stickies (older permanent posts at the top) and by posting as much as needed. You will find information, support and wisdom from caring individuals. Glad you found us!
I don't know if this is your mom's rock bottom. Time will tell.
I think you are a good mom! You need to be able to trust the people around your child, and that trust was broken by your mom's addiction.
You stated that your mom will follow-up with a therapist and your mother has attended AA. What steps are you taking for yourself? Have you attended Al anon meetings? Is your community large enough to offer ACOA meetings?
These support groups will offer you face-to-face support and information as you continue to recover from living with a loved ones addiction.
Wishing you a peaceful journey and blessings on your new family member!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 602
I just did not have it in me to pretend all was ok when it is not.
Well done you. I think you did great and thankfully your husband backed you up 100%.
We like to hope that this will be the wake-up call for your mother, but it's also possible that she'll chose alcohol over a relationship with her grand-daughter, and it might help you if you got some support to prepare you for the hurt of that.
Well done you. I think you did great and thankfully your husband backed you up 100%.
We like to hope that this will be the wake-up call for your mother, but it's also possible that she'll chose alcohol over a relationship with her grand-daughter, and it might help you if you got some support to prepare you for the hurt of that.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Earth... mostly
Posts: 43
You are doing a good job of setting boundaries. Now that your Mom knows your expectations she needs to live by them when she is near your daughter. Your girl needs your protection. You know how you want your child to grow up and how and when to learn things and seeing grandma drinking is not your choice. That's fair. Stay strong.
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 386
Welcome. I'm sorry that happened, and that a happy occasion was ruined in the process. Here's hoping your mother deals with her disease and that there are many happy occasions to come. I think you did the right thing -- protecting your daughter and being honest.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
You did the right thing. It's been said that often the right thing is the hardest and/or most painful thing - no wonder you feel confused now. Don't. It was the right thing to do.
Welcome and keep reading. The best thing we can offer to the A's in our lives is some educated compassion.
Welcome and keep reading. The best thing we can offer to the A's in our lives is some educated compassion.
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