All that I have done wrong today...lol..or ugh
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 11
All that I have done wrong today...lol..or ugh
It seems I can't do anything right in my husbands eyes. Today, I left his bedroom door shut, and apparantly it should have been open. I gave the wrong cans of food to the food drive. He made me a list of the things I need to replace promptly. I won't be doing that. I let our daughter play outside with the wrong gloves on. I warmed up my car too early this morning. And thats just today.
What is he trying to do to me? It's just getting beyond absurd. I just chuckle and move on, and my self esteem is, luckily, very good...Otherwise I would be a mess. He isn't even one bit nice when he is sober, unless he needs me to run an errand for him or something. I need another month to save enough money to move. He knows I am leaving..Says he will be better off without me. And he probably will be..He seemed fine with that, but he won't stop picking. I think he is trying to make me mad or make me cry. I will never cry another tear for this man. It seems like everything just all of a sudden clicked one day, and I just thought of what a disaster this whole mess is. I've been a good wife. I don't get thank you for doing his share of parenting while hes out drinking. Not that I need a thank you for parenting my child, but just I'm so bad in his eyes. Seems to be no logic there. You guys are so wonderful here. Just needed to vent...
What is he trying to do to me? It's just getting beyond absurd. I just chuckle and move on, and my self esteem is, luckily, very good...Otherwise I would be a mess. He isn't even one bit nice when he is sober, unless he needs me to run an errand for him or something. I need another month to save enough money to move. He knows I am leaving..Says he will be better off without me. And he probably will be..He seemed fine with that, but he won't stop picking. I think he is trying to make me mad or make me cry. I will never cry another tear for this man. It seems like everything just all of a sudden clicked one day, and I just thought of what a disaster this whole mess is. I've been a good wife. I don't get thank you for doing his share of parenting while hes out drinking. Not that I need a thank you for parenting my child, but just I'm so bad in his eyes. Seems to be no logic there. You guys are so wonderful here. Just needed to vent...
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
I'm sorry you have to deal with that crap. He is a miserable person and you know what they say...misery loves company. Glad he's not able to make you miserable though. Stay strong and keep your eye on the prize. Physical freedom will be yours soon, but it sounds like you are already emotionally free. 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
It's kinda funny sometimes, the things that come out of their mouths. I had to just laugh about it at times. I remember going to my ex's therapist with him with a list of 135 things that he found wrong with me. I gave the list to his therapist, who was just amazed. She asked him, if he really said all those things, and if he meant them. He told her yes. She told him that she didn't see why he wasted his money coming to see her, then she turned to me, and told me that she would continue to see me during the divorce proceedings.
Pls. vent all you want.
I'm glad that you can laugh about these things, you do need to have a good sense of humor to put up with this stuff.
Another time, my ex told me that he was not sexually attracted to me, and he wanted a divorce. We owned a home, I told him to put the house up for sale, and that we could just have a platonic relationship till it was sold. He said OK, then 5 minutes later, he asked me if that meant no sex? huh????? I replied no, he then told me that he would find himself a girlfriend. I told him to go right ahead and do that. He went back to therapy instead. Gotta have a sense of humor.
Pls. vent all you want.
I'm glad that you can laugh about these things, you do need to have a good sense of humor to put up with this stuff.
Another time, my ex told me that he was not sexually attracted to me, and he wanted a divorce. We owned a home, I told him to put the house up for sale, and that we could just have a platonic relationship till it was sold. He said OK, then 5 minutes later, he asked me if that meant no sex? huh????? I replied no, he then told me that he would find himself a girlfriend. I told him to go right ahead and do that. He went back to therapy instead. Gotta have a sense of humor.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 11
Thank you Suki. Yes, misery loves company.I spent enough time being miserable, doing all the things to try and change him. Should have left many years ago, but I know this time will be permanent.
Wow Amy. He actually took a list of things that were wrong with you to the therapist? That is hilarious. amazing.
The whole sex thing. I haven't slept within 30 feet of my husband since Aug. He said to me a couple of weeks ago that he would not be having sex with me anymore because I had abandoned him by sleeping in the spare room. I hung my head a bit and told him how I would really miss that wonderful smell of alcohol. It only took him a couple of months to notice we werent having sex anymore. duh!!!!It honestly did not occur to him that I will never ever have sex with him again.
Thanks for the laugh...
Wow Amy. He actually took a list of things that were wrong with you to the therapist? That is hilarious. amazing.
The whole sex thing. I haven't slept within 30 feet of my husband since Aug. He said to me a couple of weeks ago that he would not be having sex with me anymore because I had abandoned him by sleeping in the spare room. I hung my head a bit and told him how I would really miss that wonderful smell of alcohol. It only took him a couple of months to notice we werent having sex anymore. duh!!!!It honestly did not occur to him that I will never ever have sex with him again.
Thanks for the laugh...
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
Oh, and you are right about something just all of a sudden clicking. That is the magic moment. Until that happens, we can waiver and convince ourselves that we might be rushing things or making a wrong decision because...they could always change. Once that switch clicks though, it really doesn't matter what they do. Quit drinking, go to counseling, join AA, whatever. It just doesn't matter anymore because we are done.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I just loved that line that you would really miss that wonderful smell of alcohol. !!!!!!!!
Until you get out, just keep laughing. All he is doing is trying to push your buttons.
I remember once when he kept trying to push my buttons, I kept replying to his comments with, "I see". Then he starting singing to me --- Jose, can you see by the stars shining bright"
And to let you know, mine was not nice sober either.
Until you get out, just keep laughing. All he is doing is trying to push your buttons.
I remember once when he kept trying to push my buttons, I kept replying to his comments with, "I see". Then he starting singing to me --- Jose, can you see by the stars shining bright"
And to let you know, mine was not nice sober either.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 11
Oh and what a wonderful magic moment that is. I'm as codependent as anyone can get. I spent so many years trying to change this man. yelled, cried, begged, threatened to kick him out, threaten to move, kicked him out, moved out myself, took him back. I've done it all. I believe when I got my self respect and self esteem back, that's when it happened for me. He could quit today, and my decision would not change. Not that I haven't heard it a hundred times before though. I want peace from life. This isn't good enough for my wonderful child or myself.
All of us will be much happier.
All of us will be much happier.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Hey Lacy,
I did the same thing. And yes, he could quit today, but you know what, the abuse is a different thing. He won't quit that, mine never did. I'm now divorced one year. Until you get out, just remember, it isn't you.
I did the same thing. And yes, he could quit today, but you know what, the abuse is a different thing. He won't quit that, mine never did. I'm now divorced one year. Until you get out, just remember, it isn't you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
Lacy,
So proud of you for moving forward through all this with grace, style, and humor.
You are setting a great example for your daughter.
So glad you will be escaping Mr. Personality in 30 days, please let us know when you make your escape, I would like to through you a little party.
The banner will read, "Good for me I'm ass-hat free"
Best of luck to you,
Bill
So proud of you for moving forward through all this with grace, style, and humor.
You are setting a great example for your daughter.
So glad you will be escaping Mr. Personality in 30 days, please let us know when you make your escape, I would like to through you a little party.
The banner will read, "Good for me I'm ass-hat free"
Best of luck to you,
Bill
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 17
I feel your frustration LacyM, I'm in much of the same situation with my significant other. It seems when I do one thing it's wrong but if I'd done the other it would have been wrong as well. Hang in there, and I wish the best of luck to you and your recovery (:
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 11
Amy, I can't wait to say I've been divorced for a year.
Willy, Mr. Personality is the perfect term. Love it. Love your banner.....Good for me, I'm ass-hat free" It even rhymes. I've never heard that term before. Nobody has ever thrown me a party before. lol
Kay, I've had the conversation before about what my options were, and what I should have done, and you are right ANY choice would be wrong. There is simply no way to even begin to argue with that. I try to think things through and make the best decisions that I possibly can. This man who makes the choice to stay out drinking most of the night is not in a position to judge my choices. Hang in there.
Everyone have a wonderful day...
Lacy
Willy, Mr. Personality is the perfect term. Love it. Love your banner.....Good for me, I'm ass-hat free" It even rhymes. I've never heard that term before. Nobody has ever thrown me a party before. lol
Kay, I've had the conversation before about what my options were, and what I should have done, and you are right ANY choice would be wrong. There is simply no way to even begin to argue with that. I try to think things through and make the best decisions that I possibly can. This man who makes the choice to stay out drinking most of the night is not in a position to judge my choices. Hang in there.
Everyone have a wonderful day...
Lacy
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
Originally Posted by suki44883 
Oh, and you are right about something just all of a sudden clicking. That is the magic moment. Until that happens, we can waiver and convince ourselves that we might be rushing things or making a wrong decision because...they could always change. Once that switch clicks though, it really doesn't matter what they do. Quit drinking, go to counseling, join AA, whatever. It just doesn't matter anymore because we are done.
Your friend,
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
