chronsweet

WOW. So I found this on my computer this morning. Apparently I wrote this back on June 29, 2011. I was mad then and setting boundaries for myself after visiting this forum the first time around. It made me realize I have grown more peaceful about what my own expectations are and that although I didn't rush right in and set those boundaries up in an instant, that I have been slowly working on me. I have finally said no more to so much insanity that was going on in my life and I am beginning to feel some kind of internal peace though my external world does get a little screwy sometimes. I did tell my ABF last night that I accepted his disease and though the talk was a little heated it ended with me stating my boundaries and letting him know that I am going to leave in May if he can't come to grips with this disease. Anyhow this is what I wrote back on June 29 of this year.

Boundaries
I will not live with an alcoholic or addict. I will not let someone else’s lifestyle determine mine.
I do not want a relationship with a person’s parent. I do not need to feel like I am forced to be with someone because of the pleas of a person’s parent.
I will be treated with respect and dignity in any relationship I am in. I will not be made to feel guilty for not doing something else that someone can do themselves. Examples: Cleaning the house, cooking, shopping, laundry, paying more than my share of the bills.
I will not be made to feel inferior. If someone can’t walk “WITH” me and be “WITH” me in public places, then I don’t want to be with that person. If someone is not conscious, or is, of the fact that they are making me feel inferior by walking in front of or behind me and doesn’t care, I don’t want to be with that person. I will not be insulted and called names like sloth, fat, stupid, crazy, useless ever again in a relationship. I am none of those things. I am beautiful, caring, giving, so much so that it has been to my detriment and I will never be put in that situation again. If someone feels the need to control me by breaking me down, I do not and will not be in a relationship with that person.
I have the right to change my mind. If I initially say I will do something, think about it and decide not to, that is my right. I do not and will not be guilted into doing something against my will.
I will not try to control people. I will not ask someone to stop doing something for me. I just know what I will and won’t accept. If a person chooses to drink heavily every day, then that is his/her choice. That does not mean that I have to accept a relationship with that person. We all have free will to do as we please. I will do as I please by not accepting that kind of a situation and living happily free from an environment that makes me uncomfortable.
These are my boundaries, you can accept them or not.


Thanks to all my SR friends who have continued to support me through these difficult times.

TakingCharge999

Thank you so much for posting this!! Great job!! It is a daily practice....

Willybluedog

Excellent job!

I think this list needs to go on the front of my refirgerator where I can see it everyday.

chronsweet

Thanks TC and Dog !! You know it is pretty eye opening to read something you wrote 6 months ago and the emotions are still the same. HECK, if I could find something I wrote back when I first met ABF, my emotions were all over the place. I never really knew where I stood in his life. I got so many conflicting messages from him and his FOG. Of course, his mom and brother and dad and every person in his family thought I was great, fantastic, etc. etc. etc. His mom would tell me how much he loved me, would buy me gifts and say they were from him and take me on trips, etc. I never realized how much I was being manipulated and ALLOWING this for myself.

I have come a long way. I have let go a lot of family trauma that I had prior to meeting ABF and now that I think about it, I had no right to try to get into a relationship during that point in my life. I had a lot of hurt built up. I had just separated and was in the process of divorce when I met ABF, had lost my dad, and granny and had my entire family turn against my mom for money in my granny's will. So I was pretty beat up emotionally. I am still healing and think once I can do what is right for me, that I will be single for a bit!!! I really just want some time alone after this relationship I am in. It feels like I had a spotlight when my ABF and his family found me that said, "TARGET - TARGET". LOL. And I actually feel pretty guilty to my SELF for allowing this to happen to me. Slowly, I heal.

Thank you for your kind words, even if few, I really appreciate the support and acceptance I feel here.