What should I say about how I feel?

Old 12-09-2011, 07:09 AM
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What should I say about how I feel?

I need advice. An alcoholic family member is not in recovery, and I have decided that discussing "the issue" doesn't help anything. It has been talked about once, and that was enough.

Here's my problem: I'm overwhelmed with a feeling of sadness when I see her, which is only occasionally, and this sensitive alcoholic sees that and asks what's wrong. What should I say? I can't seem to act normal.

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Old 12-10-2011, 07:17 AM
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Wow, LMP... I don't know how to respond here... I first gut reaction is what difference does it make if you are honest and explain why you are sad? Will that change anything? Will it make things better for you?

I am sorry you find yourself in this uncomfortable situation...
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Old 12-10-2011, 08:56 AM
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Hhmmm...without trying to sound harsh or judgmental here...seems as if instead of directly communicating with her, your feelings are coming out sideways in a more passive-aggressive way. I would suggest taking some time with yourself to work on letting those feelings go. Detach from the situation. Don't let your mind go there anymore. When it does, bring yourself back to the present.

We can't control others, but we can control ourselves and our own emotions and reactions to situations.
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Old 12-10-2011, 09:02 AM
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I have a lot of feelings right now about a lot of my immediate family and my ex-husband who struggled with alcohol use.

I am divorced and am no contact with him. I am finding though that I still have to deal with MY feelings. My therapist has been really helpful about it. In a perfect world I would have a healthy person on the other end to talk to about my feelings, but I won't have that in this case....

For me this is the next best thing. I am working them through with her. Sometimes that means writing him a letter and never sending it, listing all the things I am mad about and burning it etc.

It is tough when it feels unresolved, but that more talking about it will just leave it even more unresolved.
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