Back again
 

So I am back again after a long break. This time it's new alcoholic in my life that brings me here for support. A good friend of mine is lying in a hospital bed as I type this. He started drinking again and really did a number on himself.

The docs say he may not make it. He really messed up all the major systems within his body. I am so sad, but am also angry! This guy married my best friend 1 month ago today.... and now this. We all knew something wasn't right, but he adamantly denied it.

Why do some stay sober and others drink ...Could you some support. Thanks

(((Imallright))) - so sorry about your friend. I can't really tell you why some people keep drinking, others find recovery. Alcohol wasn't my thing, crack was. I found recovery, my exbf did not and died a few years after we split up. My first exbf is still drinking, 30 years later, as far as I know.

Hugs and prayers to you, him, and all who love him,

Amy

And so it goes
 

My friend who was in the hospital passed away this morning. I am so full of emotions right now. I am sad, I am angry, I am confused, I feel guilty. I introduced this guy to my best friend. They were married a month ago and now he is dead.

She is here at my house and is simply devasted. It is so surreal. How could he have loved her like he professed and done this to her. This morning as I stood at his bedside and watched him die I couldn't help but feel such anger, shame, pain and relief all at once.

I don't understand how someone can have so much to live for, so many friends who would have done anything to help him could do this. I know alcoholism is a disease, but it's also a choice to reach out or reach for the bottle.

I went to an al-anon meeting last night...helped, but just doesn't make any sense.

I'm so sorry. My condolences to you and your friend. Such a sad situation.

So sorry for your loss.
 

I am so sorry, I will say a prayer for you and your friend, I hope with time you both can get through this, please don't feel guilty, this is not your fault.

May God bless you and keep you safe,

Bill

My thoughts are with you, your friend, and his family.

It's a shame, isn't it?

All I can say is that I am sorry for your loss and your friends as well. HUGS and prayers to you on this sad, sad day.

Thank you all. So hard to think about the wonderful man I thought I knew and know that he fought demons and had a horrible secret. Saw some of our mutual friends tonight. Was thinking we might be able to comfort each other... we are all going such a myriad of feelings that we couldn't seem to connect for each other.... the anger and then the guilt, followed by words that I didn't want to hear and more anger mixed in with love and loss... how could he do this to all of us??

You know some people just cannot share what is wrong, they eat all their pain, afraid that the world will find out what a fraud they are, I was that way for many years, you may never know what your friends burden was, he might have been riddled with shame and guilt, please forgive him, I am sure he did not intend to cause you this pain.

I had a really bad spell a few weeks ago, the Penn State scandal, the jusge beating his daughter, one of my abusers moving back to MO turned into the perfect storm, I completely lost control.

My therapist tells me that men are coming out of the woodwork, men who have never ever spoken of their sexual abuse, they could not cope anymore, they believed like I did that people would blame them, they have no support, they are worried about being labeled, laughed at, reviled.

So please forgive him, please remember the things that made him your friend.

Best of luck to you,

Bill

I am so sorry for your loss. Your feelings are all completely normal. I remember feeling the same way when a man I loved with all my heart killed himself while drinking and driving. Just try to remember that an alcoholic is someone that has lost control. He didn't do this to you all, alcoholism did.

Prayers going out to you and his other loved ones.

Your post made my heart hurt. I'm so sorry for you and for your friend. God bless you all.

I am so sorry for your loss of your friend. I recently lost an XABF to death from alcoholism and am still struggling with the different emotions it has caused in me. It stirs up different kinds of emotions when drugs or alcohol are involved. I felt sad and angry at the same time. Sad for realizing how horrible of a struggle it must of been for him to try and stay sober, and angry that he couldn't do it.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I have to agree with what was said above - he didn't do this to you and your friends intentionally. I had a dear friend commit suicide, years ago - had nothing to do with drugs/alcohol, but everything to do with his inability to reach out for help. It hurts, and anger is one of the feelings we go through. My friend had a young daughter, and I kept asking "how could he DO this to her?!?" In time, I remembered how much he adored her and though it's still sad, the anger is gone.

It takes time, but please know we are all here for you.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

I am very sorry for your loss. May you and your friends find some peace in the midst of such a terrible loss.

Today we went to my friend's house to "winterize" it... his kids and family showed up.... everyone is so devastated. The kids mom was there and my heart broke for her as she tried to help these kids and had to once again go thru the pain that this man caused. Ok, maybe he didn't maybe his alcoholism did...but I am very angry with him. He hurt us all. The kids, their mom, by best friend (his new wife)... the man I love who was his close friend.

I know that the world is good and there are many wonderful people... but I thought he was wonderful and look what he did...wow! so much pain

For me this is one of the hardest parts of the disease. How wonderful a person is, but that it gets all consumed and wrapped up in the disease.

I had a different type of loss, and while none of it is easy, knowing that anger is part of the grief cycle for me really helped me to be easier on myself.

Kind thoughts to all involved.

You have my deepest sympathies on the loss of your friend. Your grief and anger are only natural, and I hope that you and all who loved this man will be able to find comfort in supporting one another.

So... today we buried my friend. so young and so sick. He was married to my best friend and was the best friend of the man I have been seeing for quite sometime. It is all so unnecessary and the pain his death has caused is incredible.

I am so struggling with was he a great guy or was he nobody I really knew? Some would say it doesn't matter, but I just can't imagine how anyone could do what he did to all left behind. Suppose he couldn't help himself and suppose that would not have wanted life to be this way... but why?

How do I stop being mad at him? Maybe it is only with time......

I have a very good friend whose father died a few weeks ago. Although alcoholism wasn't directly his cause of death, all of the horrible physical ailments he had were definitely exacerbated by it.

The way he lived his life was horribly painful for his wife and daughter. In the end, they had to watch him waste away and care for him constantly. After the funeral was over and they had to really face what was left of his life...the feelings of abandonment, the financial disasters that had to be addressed, the anger and hurt...it was horribly difficult for my friend to grieve.

Two days after the funeral, she found herself screaming at the urn on her table that held his ashes. Screaming and crying...getting out all the anger that she couldn't express at her sick father over the past six months. It didn't make all of the lingering problems and frustrations disappear but it did help her take a little step in the grieving process.

Anger is a natural part of the grieving process. It's also a completely healthy way to feel when people make bad choices that affect us adversely. Don't be too hard on yourself for how you feel. As long as you don't get swallowed up in anger, it can be a very beneficial step in helping you move forward.

My condolences to you, your friends and his family. So very sad.

Thank you vujade.... this is exactly what I was trying to express. He has left such a mess and so much pain. I know it's part of it to be angry... and I have to let it out. Just a very tough time for all. I need support. thanks for giving it!! PS... I spoke with another with similar thoughts.... so mad at father for drinking self to death. Took the urn and shook the be jeepers out of it, yelling and carrying on... felt so much better.