How Do You Stay out of Fear About Stuff you Can"t Control and the Future
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It's my grandchild and some of the resentment has to do with all of the moral and lifestyle educating I tried to provide - gave him all the books, spiritual tools, talked to him . . .he had lots of good influences (and some negative ones but I don't want to discount the good ones). I honestly did more than most because I was a surrogate parent . . .I might have done some things differently but I was trying to nurture and make up for some of what he was not getting - but I honestly did the best I could every day and had the best intentions). He has had so many tools and resources - but they were not respected . . .I thought they would be cumulative and that it was a maturity problem - which maybe partially it is - I have no idea at this point.
My work is to see him in a positive light when I think of him and I have trouble doing that right now, but I am really working on it - did an art project yesterday that helps me visualize him in positive ways.
I don't downplay the subconscious influences - I had a disturbing dream about him which I cannot remember - so it is not all about conscious thinking influencing you.
And I also disagree with the AA "special" thing to a degree . . . every spirit is divine, no doubt about that and we are all sparks of the divine (my belief). However, in this life, some of us have gifts and skills that others of us do not have. I am not an athlete, for instance, but others are. I am empathic and others are not . . .I don't think I am "special" for being empathic, but it is a gift or skill that I have in this life. (I also believe in reincarnation, so I think that some of the gifts or skills come from lifetimes where the attributes may have been perfected - don't really know).
My work is to see him in a positive light when I think of him and I have trouble doing that right now, but I am really working on it - did an art project yesterday that helps me visualize him in positive ways.
I don't downplay the subconscious influences - I had a disturbing dream about him which I cannot remember - so it is not all about conscious thinking influencing you.
And I also disagree with the AA "special" thing to a degree . . . every spirit is divine, no doubt about that and we are all sparks of the divine (my belief). However, in this life, some of us have gifts and skills that others of us do not have. I am not an athlete, for instance, but others are. I am empathic and others are not . . .I don't think I am "special" for being empathic, but it is a gift or skill that I have in this life. (I also believe in reincarnation, so I think that some of the gifts or skills come from lifetimes where the attributes may have been perfected - don't really know).
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I understand what you are saying AND I think that people who hurt other people while doing their thing are not "ok just as they are." I don't think individuals have rights to f-up other people at their whims . . .sorry, just my pov. I could be wrong!
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I find it weird that you disagree with me about my own exPlanation of my own self, my own life, and my own feelings about, and my own understanding of, me,'my thoughts, and my own life. At a certain point, I had to accept that I am not the center of the universe; that other people have lives, feelings and thoughts of their own that warrant respect.
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Originally Posted by Learn2Live 
I find it weird that you disagree with me about my own exPlanation of my own self, my own life, and my own feelings about, and my own understanding of, me,'my thoughts, and my own life. At a certain point, I had to accept that I am not the center of the universe; that other people have lives, feelings and thoughts of their own that warrant respect.
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Originally Posted by anvilhead
it's not ABOUT entitlement, it's about the way stuff just goes sometimes. nobody is perfect, everybody hurts somebody else sometime, whether intentional or not, we're all caught in the cross fire of somebody else's life, decisions and actions.....
it's not about THEM. it's about US. see today? what other people do or do not do can't GET me, cuz i have a nice healthy perimeter set up around me, and BS and toxicity are not allowed thru the gates. i have a lot of family, actually anyone that is still living in my family of origin that i do not have contact with. for good reason. i have former friends that are former, for good reason. the world is full of crazyazz crap, i just work at carving out my own little sanctuary and sending out as much good juju as i can.
it's not about THEM. it's about US. see today? what other people do or do not do can't GET me, cuz i have a nice healthy perimeter set up around me, and BS and toxicity are not allowed thru the gates. i have a lot of family, actually anyone that is still living in my family of origin that i do not have contact with. for good reason. i have former friends that are former, for good reason. the world is full of crazyazz crap, i just work at carving out my own little sanctuary and sending out as much good juju as i can.
This person was very important to me so I have some serious feelings about the situation - other people, I would not care as much and would not be as bothered. I do thank you for sharing.
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OMG. Duh. My "problem" is not rational . . . it is about FEELINGS. I know worrying and obsessing is counterproductive . . .do you think I enjoy FEELING like crap? My problem is not having trust that "everything is as it should be." I have a spiritual practice - actually practices that I am working . . . that doesn't prevent me from having bad dreams about my grandson or wondering if he has food or is warm.
It's pretty basic - when you care about someone you don't want to see them be self-destructive - it's not UNNATURAL to want your loved ones to thrive, as opposed to act out destructively and wreak havoc all over the place.
Thanks for your support!
It's pretty basic - when you care about someone you don't want to see them be self-destructive - it's not UNNATURAL to want your loved ones to thrive, as opposed to act out destructively and wreak havoc all over the place.
Thanks for your support!
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I agree, however, we all follow our own path in life, I do not follow yours and you do not follow mine. Everything you want for your grandson has nothing to do with what will happen, what path he decides to follow.
Fear and worrying can become a habit, ones mind becomes like a continuos loop, this loop is counter productive and can be edited.
Your concious mind (the loop) believes what it is fed by your subconcious mind, feed your subconcious mind a loop altering idea...such as "I will stop worrying and obsessing about XYZ", do it every night B/4 you go to sleep, eventually your concious mind will believe and you will see that your loop has been altered. Then move onto another
positive mind correction.
Your subconcious mind is the controller of both your body and your mind. You wouldn't be breathing if it were not for your subconcious mind.
Fear and worrying can become a habit, ones mind becomes like a continuos loop, this loop is counter productive and can be edited.
Your concious mind (the loop) believes what it is fed by your subconcious mind, feed your subconcious mind a loop altering idea...such as "I will stop worrying and obsessing about XYZ", do it every night B/4 you go to sleep, eventually your concious mind will believe and you will see that your loop has been altered. Then move onto another
positive mind correction.
Your subconcious mind is the controller of both your body and your mind. You wouldn't be breathing if it were not for your subconcious mind.
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Two seperate parts of the post I am responding to.
One thing that helped me when I was worrying but also really angry about the loved one in my life that helped me (not saying it will help you). I realized that my HP is mine, and that my loved one has his own HP, different from mine.
At times I was unable to pray to my HP about my loved one....because it was honestly coming out like a laundry list of what I thought should happen or what his recovery should look like, what his life should be etc. All of my emotions were getting me pretty tripped up.
I could pray to HIS HP though in a very different, more prayer like way. Often it was something along the lines of "I am turning him over to you for safekeeping, because I am not capable of knowing all the pieces etc."
This allowed me to still have my feelings, that I felt FREE to share with my HP, my friends, family and loved ones, but also somehow kept my stuff and his stuff seperate.
The second part is this. I am taking a training in counseling and a lot of the counselor share a similar experience of intuition that you are talking about (I am not a counselor). Many of them refer to it as "kinestetic". In their work (and I am realizing that I live with at least a touch of it too....but that is another story), part of what they have to learn and be careful of is the balance they strike with it, at times it is a service to those they are working with, at times it can be overbearing. One woman describe it as sometimes she imagines sending out the National Guard when a simple check up by the local police would do. It really helped to remind me how important balance in life is.
One thing that helped me when I was worrying but also really angry about the loved one in my life that helped me (not saying it will help you). I realized that my HP is mine, and that my loved one has his own HP, different from mine.
At times I was unable to pray to my HP about my loved one....because it was honestly coming out like a laundry list of what I thought should happen or what his recovery should look like, what his life should be etc. All of my emotions were getting me pretty tripped up.
I could pray to HIS HP though in a very different, more prayer like way. Often it was something along the lines of "I am turning him over to you for safekeeping, because I am not capable of knowing all the pieces etc."
This allowed me to still have my feelings, that I felt FREE to share with my HP, my friends, family and loved ones, but also somehow kept my stuff and his stuff seperate.
The second part is this. I am taking a training in counseling and a lot of the counselor share a similar experience of intuition that you are talking about (I am not a counselor). Many of them refer to it as "kinestetic". In their work (and I am realizing that I live with at least a touch of it too....but that is another story), part of what they have to learn and be careful of is the balance they strike with it, at times it is a service to those they are working with, at times it can be overbearing. One woman describe it as sometimes she imagines sending out the National Guard when a simple check up by the local police would do. It really helped to remind me how important balance in life is.
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Originally Posted by dollydo
I agree, however, we all follow our own path in life, I do not follow yours and you do not follow mine. Everything you want for your grandson has nothing to do with what will happen, what path he decides to follow.
Fear and worrying can become a habit, ones mind becomes like a continuos loop, this loop is counter productive and can be edited.
Your concious mind (the loop) believes what it is fed by your subconcious mind, feed your subconcious mind a loop altering idea...such as "I will stop worrying and obsessing about XYZ", do it every night B/4 you go to sleep, eventually your concious mind will believe and you will see that your loop has been altered. Then move onto another
positive mind correction.
Your subconcious mind is the controller of both your body and your mind. You wouldn't be breathing if it were not for your subconcious mind.
Fear and worrying can become a habit, ones mind becomes like a continuos loop, this loop is counter productive and can be edited.
Your concious mind (the loop) believes what it is fed by your subconcious mind, feed your subconcious mind a loop altering idea...such as "I will stop worrying and obsessing about XYZ", do it every night B/4 you go to sleep, eventually your concious mind will believe and you will see that your loop has been altered. Then move onto another
positive mind correction.
Your subconcious mind is the controller of both your body and your mind. You wouldn't be breathing if it were not for your subconcious mind.
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Originally Posted by LifeRecovery
Two seperate parts of the post I am responding to.
One thing that helped me when I was worrying but also really angry about the loved one in my life that helped me (not saying it will help you). I realized that my HP is mine, and that my loved one has his own HP, different from mine.
At times I was unable to pray to my HP about my loved one....because it was honestly coming out like a laundry list of what I thought should happen or what his recovery should look like, what his life should be etc. All of my emotions were getting me pretty tripped up.
I could pray to HIS HP though in a very different, more prayer like way. Often it was something along the lines of "I am turning him over to you for safekeeping, because I am not capable of knowing all the pieces etc."
This allowed me to still have my feelings, that I felt FREE to share with my HP, my friends, family and loved ones, but also somehow kept my stuff and his stuff seperate.
The second part is this. I am taking a training in counseling and a lot of the counselor share a similar experience of intuition that you are talking about (I am not a counselor). Many of them refer to it as "kinestetic". In their work (and I am realizing that I live with at least a touch of it too....but that is another story), part of what they have to learn and be careful of is the balance they strike with it, at times it is a service to those they are working with, at times it can be overbearing. One woman describe it as sometimes she imagines sending out the National Guard when a simple check up by the local police would do. It really helped to remind me how important balance in life is.
One thing that helped me when I was worrying but also really angry about the loved one in my life that helped me (not saying it will help you). I realized that my HP is mine, and that my loved one has his own HP, different from mine.
At times I was unable to pray to my HP about my loved one....because it was honestly coming out like a laundry list of what I thought should happen or what his recovery should look like, what his life should be etc. All of my emotions were getting me pretty tripped up.
I could pray to HIS HP though in a very different, more prayer like way. Often it was something along the lines of "I am turning him over to you for safekeeping, because I am not capable of knowing all the pieces etc."
This allowed me to still have my feelings, that I felt FREE to share with my HP, my friends, family and loved ones, but also somehow kept my stuff and his stuff seperate.
The second part is this. I am taking a training in counseling and a lot of the counselor share a similar experience of intuition that you are talking about (I am not a counselor). Many of them refer to it as "kinestetic". In their work (and I am realizing that I live with at least a touch of it too....but that is another story), part of what they have to learn and be careful of is the balance they strike with it, at times it is a service to those they are working with, at times it can be overbearing. One woman describe it as sometimes she imagines sending out the National Guard when a simple check up by the local police would do. It really helped to remind me how important balance in life is.
Yes, I have had a lot of psychological training and you are highlighting a very real problem . . . I wish I knew how to balance this and I am open to learning more. Thank you.
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