What to do....
 

Hello....been posting for a few days and things are just getting worse by the day. Was going to go out of town tomorrow and let my husband know. He was angry I am going with someone he doesn't like. He came home sober angry packed some clothes said Do not contact me. He started calling many times over and over text messaging me and wanting to argue I told him I am going to bed we will talk later then he came home. Followed me room to room so then I locked myself into a bedroom And he was banging on the door saying open or I will break it......finally was going to leave the house with my kids and he stopped but still peiodically come in and say you horrible decieving fake bi%*$ were done were done, hang out with your friend who ruined our marriage. I really think I am going to have to leave. So sad to see him this way!! I keep thinking maybe things will get better but I do not want to endure another night like this. He is gettng worse fast and I a scared of a huband who once was kind and gentle!!

I am a mother of four too it is starting to effect my oldest daughter right now. The conflict has waken her up many times....and last night she saw it more than ever a more aggressive version I had beend dealing with for months. He has not addmitted he is an alcoholic right now I am to blame for everything....He has been extreemly insecure as well.

That is abuse, once he started pounding on the door I would have called the police. To me, he is a loose cannon and next time he may start pounding on you.

Getting out of town for a few days maybe a good idea.

I agree with Dolly. He is clearly out of control. Please be careful.

It's hard because I am being pushed in a dirrection I don't want to be in. I want to be married I love him but I cannot tolerate this behavior. I do not deserve this and neither do my kids!! I need some prayer!! Please pray for us!!

Marriage takes two.

Not one (only you).

Not three (you, him, the bottle)

Work with reality, and put your kids and your safety first.

CLMI

Yes, my boyfriend did that once. Pounded on the door and followed me around the house harrassing me. I had never felt scared of him before, but that definitely put me on edge. He disrupted the entire household including my then 18 month old son. I am sure it was for different reasons but the end result, was the same.

It is hard to see someone in this kind of a state, and it is hard to accept what they have become. Though, in my reality, it is not hard to actually SEE him in this light as this IS who he has become. He is no longer the mellow, fun, cavalier guy I met, but someone I'd rather not know.

It is good you are coming here to vent and get it out. There are so many that have great, solid advice. The words you read on here will start to silently guide your train of thought. It took a long time to get where you are and it does take time to slowly dig out the 'real' you again. This is the case for me anyways.

Go out, go shopping and have fun. In the future, my recommendation, is don't give him any ammunition to torture you with by telling him you are going to do something with your friend. Just go when it is time and don't make a big thing about it. That is the way I have been handling things in my own life. Gosh, does it take patience and practice, but I am finally starting to get it.

I am saying prayers for you and your children to find peace in this situation. Please keep reading and posting and really reflecting on the advice given, it has been a literal life saver for me.

Peace & Love
A.

When I moved out, there were two busted bedroom doors, there were nights when I would get followed and harassed, it's no fun. I started leaving every time this happened, especially if the kids were gone. I remember the panic he went through to replace the busted door when he knew his parents were coming. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. There is life on the other side.

In the very end I had some nights like that. Hours and hours and hours of drunk ranting and emotional abuse. No locks but I would literally not say one word. Not even look at him and he would go on and on and on. One time he left - to go get more beer probably - and I went to the window and watched him leave and started crying. I was so broken hearted. This was a pivotal moment for me because in a flash I realized something. Despite hours and hours of vicious emotionally abusive rants night after night.....I was crying for him. Y heart hurt not for me but because he felt unloved and there was an actual physical feeling in my body, a desperate urgency to fix that. I had no emotions or feelings for myself. It was like a glass of water on my face and it was then that I knew that there was something wrong with me. That I was very lost. I came back to SR, reread books, and started with a counselor to help me through. You deserve a sanctuary, a place of rest and safety.

In hindsight I regret allowing that month of ranting more then any other thing in my life. It did more damage to at least one of my kids then all the rest combined.

Think of your safety and your children first..don't feel sorry for his choice to drink and abuse you and emotionally damage your children! Get some support and make yourself happy...his first love is the booze..and he will fight to keep it going. Until he is ready to change and mean it..you can't control him or his drinking. But, you can decide what you want for your future. Do not tolerate him harrassing you like that..call the police..we are the choices we make..if he made that choice he needs to suffer the consquences of his actions! Best of luck to you ..God Bless:)

Your children must come first, they should not be raised in a home with an alcoholic, let alone one who is an abuser.

They have already inherited the gene which predisposes them to addiction, and, being exposed to this toxic enviorment only heaps more on them. They have 50% chance of either becomming an addict or marrying one, not good odds.

You are their voice, they hear and see everything, although most internalize their distress.

Read all the stickies on this and the Substance Abuser forum, the advice is interchangable.

It is no longer about you loving him, it's about loving yourself and your children first. Set a good example for your children, do the right thing for them.

I made the decision to leave today.....I need to focus on myself and my children. I am choosing to move forward. Things will not get better unless he gets better. I can't make him better. I put my foot down set boundaries for myself as well as my children. I will no longer taking the abuse. I will not return back into that living environment!! I am making a better life for myself......

Me too! We are here to support you, anytime, lean on us if you need to.

Good for you!!! You will be fine and find happiness like you haven't known is so long. God bless! big hugs...we are here to support u through all this :)

So proud of you mm, you are doing the right thing for you and your kids.

Best of luck to you!

Bill

Doing well a little anxious but gotta live in reality and not by emotions!! I have stopped comminications while drinking and did not even look at my phone until the morning....He came over last night at 930 my friend told him we were sleeping and Thank God he walked away. He is loosing his self control!! It is soo sad to see this!! I am to blame for everything right now.....I really hope he will realize he has a problem. He is not handling his phone calls with the kids well trying to put all this on me which is soooo sad. I am standing firm....

I also realize how sick I have been I was thinking oh no I am talking to this person he is gonna get mad, oh I am doing this he is gonna be mad.....The last two months I had let him control me. It is sooo hard because this is not who he was....Alcohol has the ability to do so much damage to the person as well as the famly!!

I really struggle with this to. I love the saying "Say what you mean, and mean what you say, but don't say it mean." That is my responsibility, how some one reacts to that is theirs.

I know this is hard, but I think you are doing great.

I think God is truly guiding me through this!! I feel good how I am staying calm and responding to the kids. I know this is hard especially for my middle daughter she is old enough to feel the changes but has not seen his bad behavior......so she doesnt understand :( I prayed to God to give me something to do to make her feel better and I started singing!! She was laughing and fel better!! He is giving them a guilt trip and I said this is my choice to better my family and we are going to bed and not going to the house tonight....sad but this is what I gotta do right now!!