Mental illness or alcoholism-chicken or the egg
 

Now that ex is "trying" not to drink I have made an observation that I didnt see before. I always blamed his paranoia, anger, a.d.d. Like and obsessive qualities on alcoholism. When the alcohol is gone for 2 or 3 weeks, that's all still there. It's like the alcohol was masking the mental illness. Or maybe years of alcohol binging has caused the mental illness. Its like what came first, the chicken or the egg?

I'm doing very good with detachment right now, as I am almost at no contact, text only and if I'm busy I don't respond. He sometimes cranks up the manipulation with things like "please call me...very important" and even "call me. I think my mom has cancer". Which turned out to be untrue. I had a feeling in my gut that he had gone back to drinking a little, and that was verified by his thanksgiving binge.

I don't let my mind wander into a fantasy where there is a happy ending for us. I'm ready to make my own happy ending. Tonight is my daughters birthday sleepover. There were 8 girls here at the hotel a few hours ago, we are down to 4 now, and they are having a blast. Life is good.

Hi X!

It seems to me, after reading these boards for some time....there are many folks with what is known as "Dual Diagnosis". In other words, they suffer from addiction but also something else like depression, anxiety..... I don't think it is a 100% correlation, though.

I hope your ex will someday get the help he truly needs.

I'm sooooo glad you and your daughter are having such fun! Enjoy the giggles!!
Hugs, HG

I am not sure about a dual diagnosis, but I do know that when the alcohol leaves the system, it doesn't necessarily take all the other emotional crap with it! I've read a lot lately about physical sobriety vs. emotional sobriety, and they are two very different places to live!

Either way - mental illness or just lack of any other kind of coping/life skills - a couple weeks sober is still very early.

Hang in there, 10X!
~T

My husband uses alcohol as his way to cope with being bipolar/ADD/depression...

I don't know. I think sometimes too many things are attributed to the alcoholism (and, dealing with an active A, it can be hard not to), when some people are just not nice people, who happen to be alcoholics.