A lil sad today....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 17
A lil sad today....
I am having a sad day!! It sucks to be in this situation...my AH and I have been in the same argument for months. He is pointing the finger at me and I don't do enough for him....Haven't been a good wife to him....He doesn't know who I am blah blah blah. He has been drinking regularly for years and 3 months ago we go involved with in-laws that had an infidelity problem and now "suspicons" of me because I looked up old guy friends and girl friends on facebook.....releasing a whole lot of insecurities and more drinking....now I am to blame for everything!! His drinking hasn't inpacted me until now....but it seems to be consuming him more and more. just so sad to be losing him to alcohol!!
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 17
I keep hoping things will get better and they will for a minute and then I do or say something he doesn't like then back in the dog house. My friends and family have been under attack by him, he says I don't choose the right kinda friends and my friends have been aweome!! He told me they were talking aout him to other frends and our business got out there and is very paranoid about that!! urrrgggg......just so frustrated. I am ready to detach and lead my life but it is sad!!!
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 17
I am sad because I don't think it will change and it is time to accept that and move on.....I want to wait for him so bad. I want my old husband back...the one who takes charge of his life!! He hasn't ben around for awhile. I keep hinking this is just a phase things might get better!!
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
Dear mm,
Welcome to SR, so sorry for all that you are going through, are you going to al-anon, they can help you repsond to the alcoholic BS that he keeps giving you, also please look at the sticky notes at the top of the forum for additional help.
There are many folks here who have gone through or going through the same thing, reading their posts may give you some guidance.
Does your AH acknowledge he has a problem, is he doing anything that looks like an attempt at sobriety, if not then you probably have your answer to the question of whether to stay or go.
I will be here to listen if you need to vent,
Best of luck to you,
Bill
Welcome to SR, so sorry for all that you are going through, are you going to al-anon, they can help you repsond to the alcoholic BS that he keeps giving you, also please look at the sticky notes at the top of the forum for additional help.
There are many folks here who have gone through or going through the same thing, reading their posts may give you some guidance.
Does your AH acknowledge he has a problem, is he doing anything that looks like an attempt at sobriety, if not then you probably have your answer to the question of whether to stay or go.
I will be here to listen if you need to vent,
Best of luck to you,
Bill
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 17
No he does not aknowledge he has a problem...Right now I am the problem and he does not feel his drinking is a problem. It is just a habit. He just enjoys a few beers after work but it is really impacting his interactions. He is very angry with me not violent but likes to slip lovely comments to me. When I researched alcholism stages it seems he has just entered the second stage if that makes sense. I think he is loosing control.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
MM,
It sounds like he is a long way from hitting bottom, it scares me that he is attacking your friends and family, he may be trying to isolate you to gain more control. Please have a evacuation plan if he slips into violence.
If he is not interested in how his drinking impacts you then that is a huge red flag.
Please try and find an al-anon meeting and let them help you.
I hope you will be ok, if you need someone to talk to I will be here, normally I am around until at least midnight central time.
Please take care of yourself, and know that you have friends here who have been through this.
Bill
It sounds like he is a long way from hitting bottom, it scares me that he is attacking your friends and family, he may be trying to isolate you to gain more control. Please have a evacuation plan if he slips into violence.
If he is not interested in how his drinking impacts you then that is a huge red flag.
Please try and find an al-anon meeting and let them help you.
I hope you will be ok, if you need someone to talk to I will be here, normally I am around until at least midnight central time.
Please take care of yourself, and know that you have friends here who have been through this.
Bill
once in a . . .
Join Date: May 2004
Location: looking in / looking out
Posts: 1,214
just a quick 2 cents here: try the book "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drew - it's full of excellent non-judgemental advice and understanding - it really helped me (+ still does!) - that and Al-anon has been a sanity and life saver - take care of YOU - you are NOT the problem!
Blue
Blue
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 17
Thanks!!! The stop engaging part is what I need!!! I had a bad night and this morning woke up to a new start.....I am going to focus on myself and make myself stronger. I am a very independent hardworking woman and am not going to let him or his words hold me down!! He is entitled to his opinion but I know the truth and need to stand firm in it!! I a going back to Alanon and back to geting support from my friends and family. Life doesn't need to be secret. I looked up Alcoholism and although he doesn't have the full blown problem it will get there I also looked up addictive personality disoder and it explains soo much more....he use to be into gambling big time until we moved so he just changed addctions. Thanks so much and any additional info please give it to me!!
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