MsGrace

My AH walked out, never looking back, from the moment I told him he would have to find a path to recovery if he wanted to be with me. The speed at which he took option B has been the most devastating, shocking, horrifying experience. I sunk into a true "Pit of Despair", but all the while knowing I did the right thing to have a boundary. I've learned we can find the strength to take care of ourselves and our own needs...but doing so does NOT make the pain any less severe. I still think about him every day...is he eating? Is he finding his way or just hopelessly lost?

We have some common friends...and I never really stopped to think how they all felt about everything that was happening. Everyone was horribly shocked at our abrupt transition from happily married to divorce court in the blink of an eye. One other thing I've learned...that these friends want to remain friends with us...they don't need or want to be dragged into the trauma of my sadness, although they have compassion. I am learning that I need to take my misery to my sponsor, my strength and hope to a meeting...and leave my friends out of the conversation. I messed this up in the beginning...shared too much and saw them become as overwhelmed as I was. I need these friends, and don't want to wear them out with the trauma of this...I'd like them to be standing there when I get better, as well as through the process. I'm learning not to invade them with my emotional unsteadiness. I see this as a notch up on the personal responsibility scale.

What I've learned most of all is that Al Anon works, it is a blessing of the highest magnitude, and even though I didn't see myself as a "meeting" sort of a gal...boy am I glad I challenged myself on that one. I still cry through almost every meeting...but I am accepted and loved there...and I see a day when I'll be better...

And I'm learning...

Learn2Live

Keep up the good work! It gets easier as time goes on. One day, you will look back with amazement at where you were and how far you've come!

chronsweet

All I can do is give you a virtual HUG!!

Hugs and best wishes to you. You will get through this!

Seren

I, too, relied a little too much on my friends early in my divorce process.

And I also learned to "take it elsewhere".....as time went on, I would sometimes call my friends and just ask them to talk about what was going on in their world. It was a nice way to keep my mind away from my own sorrow for a while, and I did not weigh them down with my grief.

I know that this hurts right now....and I'm so very sorry. But I can tell you that it does get better.