Help.

Old 11-28-2011, 04:41 PM
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Help.

Hello-
I am new to this site, and I have subscribed for one reason and one reason only. My mother is an alcoholic. I am 17 years old and I have a younger brother (13) and an older sister (22). We have been dealing with her alcoholic issues for as long as I can remember, and I myself have often confronted her with terrible anger which I realize is just not the right approach. My father has also attempted to get involved, and more poised that I, he did his best to convey his feelings toward her clear and evident problem. All attempts failed. This is why I'm here.
I feel as if someone- anyone- can help me. My family and I want to confront her for the first time on Thursday, so I am sort of after a quick response which I am hoping is possible. We plan to each write a piece to say to her about how her alcohol addiction has affected us. We are going to be careful not to pass judgement/be degrading, for we do not wish to stir up any unnecessary drama or hard feelings. We just want her to stop. This has truly gone on for too long. She quite often attends events in our lives (such as family occasions), drives drunk, and recently she has had some serious new symptoms such as bleeding from the nose excessively. I am afraid that she will soon die, and that is the honest and terrifying truth.
I do not want any apologies (I read some other blogs) I just want an answer- how do we approach her? We need to do this once and we need to do it very correctly.
I hope someone is willing to help me. I don't even know how to correctly operate this site. Thank you for anyone who may reply. We need you.
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Old 11-28-2011, 04:58 PM
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You got it. Put it in writing, how her drinking affects you, and then distance yourself the best you can. Give her time to let it sink in.
I ruined thanksgiving for my children, ages 13, 19 and 21 and the older two still are not talking to me. I am devastated to say the least. Alienating my children was the "rock bottom" I needed to hit.
Just know that she may drink even more as a response, if she has no other resources to cope with the pain it will cause her. Maybe have a phone number to AA for her in case she doesn't have it. She can call the number and they will put her in touch with a recovered female AA member to help her and they are usually on call 24/7. You can also call the number first yourself and talk to them, let them know your plan to give your mom the number. They'll be a good resource for you. Thats how AA works, by working with those still suffering, helping them get sober.
Good luck and know that you are not alone!
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Old 11-28-2011, 05:11 PM
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Glad you are here. Try reading the stickies for more information.

What you are intending to do is tough on everyone. Having said that, it is best to be clear about how her alcoholism has affected you - the use of clear examples help to present your case.

I hope you understand that your own response may be difficult if you do not get the response you expect. Be prepared to tell her the truth from your view point. Be honest but not degrading. She has a serious illness and your views may or may not be heard by her but it is important to voice.

I hope your family has consulted with a professional on this. It requires preparation. In the mean time, be educated on her illness. Take responsibility for yourself and allow your mother to take responsibilitiy for her actions.

I too had an addicted mother who died from it twelve years ago. I spent a life time covering for her, keeping secrets and feeling on the outside of life as a result. I did not learn anything useful until I let go, got honest and stopped lying for her. I will keep you in my prayers. Be strong for you.

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Old 11-28-2011, 05:29 PM
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Desparate, I'm sorry that you find yourself in this situation. You have the right idea, think what you want to say and write it down. It shouldn't become a list of all your mothers transgressions, but something that tells her how her drinking affects you, your realtionships, and your family. And give her the letter after you've read it to her. She may not want to read it at first, but after reflection it might help reinforce what you said. And understand that your mom is sick - she is probably not going to want to listen what you have to say; but she needs to hear it. Just speak from the heart and see where it leads.

Please understand that dealing with alcoholism is a marathon, not a sprint. Your mom didn't become an alcoholic overnight, and she will not recover overnight either. But people recover from this disease every day, it just takes a lot of desire and effort.

Good luck, and keep posting.
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