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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2
First time posting
Long story short- my brother is in jail again for not paying child support. He has had a 90 day sentence imposed. He was homeless (living at the city mission) prior to this sentence being imposed. He knows he is not going to get financial support from us for bail, housing etc. (been there, done that).
My question: Should we accept his phone calls? His mother (my mother as well) lives with my family, and she has remained the only person who is not estranged from him (although, she too, stopped giving him money). He has been calling from jail, and to date, we have not accepted any of his phone calls. Should we be keeping this line of communication open as a show of some emotional support (as in: we love you, but that is all we can do)
Taking a break from the drama and angst has been a God-send, but we are all feeling very guilty for abandoning him emotionally.
My question: Should we accept his phone calls? His mother (my mother as well) lives with my family, and she has remained the only person who is not estranged from him (although, she too, stopped giving him money). He has been calling from jail, and to date, we have not accepted any of his phone calls. Should we be keeping this line of communication open as a show of some emotional support (as in: we love you, but that is all we can do)
Taking a break from the drama and angst has been a God-send, but we are all feeling very guilty for abandoning him emotionally.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 3
I just joined a few moments ago. I have no advice but I am in the same situation. My brother is homeless as of a week ago. He spends time in jail for no child support and DUI's. Then he checks into state funded rehab just to have a place to live. Now he is homeless and I am physically sick about it but I can't help anymore. I also don't know what to do.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to SR!
Please pull out the keyboard and make yourself at home.
I'm not sure about the jail your brother is in, but I am aware of the calls from jail being collect calls? So accepting the calls also means accepting the cost of each call, right?
That means financially supporting the addict so they don't feel abandoned.
It may sound harsh, but how about letting the addict experience the consequences of his behavior.
NC "No Contact" is one of the hardest things to maintain, but it is also one of the healthiest choices we can make for ourselves. Like you have already noticed, there is a serenity that comes from removing ourselves from our front row seats of the daily drama of addiction.
I would continue to focus on your own recovery from the drama and allow the addict to get accustomed to his new surroundings.
Have you and your mother considered attending Alanon meetings? Alanon is a support groups for friends and families of alcoholics. It is based on the same 12-steps and principles of AA (alcoholics anonymous).
Stick around, keep reading and posting
we understand
Please pull out the keyboard and make yourself at home.
I'm not sure about the jail your brother is in, but I am aware of the calls from jail being collect calls? So accepting the calls also means accepting the cost of each call, right?
That means financially supporting the addict so they don't feel abandoned.
It may sound harsh, but how about letting the addict experience the consequences of his behavior.
NC "No Contact" is one of the hardest things to maintain, but it is also one of the healthiest choices we can make for ourselves. Like you have already noticed, there is a serenity that comes from removing ourselves from our front row seats of the daily drama of addiction.
I would continue to focus on your own recovery from the drama and allow the addict to get accustomed to his new surroundings.
Have you and your mother considered attending Alanon meetings? Alanon is a support groups for friends and families of alcoholics. It is based on the same 12-steps and principles of AA (alcoholics anonymous).
Stick around, keep reading and posting
we understand
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
He is responsible to support his children, I have no pity for a man who does not do so.
For my part, I would keep refusing the collect calls, maybe he will wake up. I doubt it, however, there is always a chance, miracles do happen.
For my part, I would keep refusing the collect calls, maybe he will wake up. I doubt it, however, there is always a chance, miracles do happen.
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