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Old 12-04-2011, 01:34 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Try to remember that you aren't the bad parent. You are the parent who is making GOOD choices...that is a very different thing.
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Old 12-04-2011, 01:51 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Now remember also that son getting daddy to call you and try and get the rule of the day changed is ................................ VERY TYPICAL........................... of a teen whose parents are separated.

Play one against the other.

Your 'sticking to the original plan' IS GREAT PARENTING.

Love and hugs,
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Old 12-04-2011, 03:15 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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I was the "bad" parent even though we never separated. My AH wanted to be cool and liked and he could not say "no". It was always "go see what your mom says" or "I'll ask your mom" or "don't tell your mom". It was so frustrating, and aggravating to always be the one to "ruin their plans" and have to receive the full teenage tempest of emotions.

Now that my kids are adults (mid-twenties), they have come to appreciate the boundries that were placed for their own good and out of love. They appreciate that I was basically a "single" parent when it came to actually parenting. That's not why I did it, but it is nice to get some acknowledgement and gratitude after all that teenage angst. It is gratifying to know that being strong and consistent has paid off in having well-rounded mature young women in the end.

Stick to your guns. It's tough and oh so lonely, but it is worth it, every single door slam, every single stomp off, every glare, all of it!
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Old 12-04-2011, 03:36 PM
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So sorry for all you are going through.

Stand firm, it's ok to be the bad guy, I always tell my kids:

"I am not your friend, I am your parent, and everything I do is because I love you!"

Hopefully your son will rethink how cool dad is when he sees him in an orange jumpsuit and wrist and ankle chains.

Best of luck to you,

Bill
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Old 12-04-2011, 03:36 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Well, I went to get my son who had text me and said he wasn't coming out when I came to get him, well he was ready when I got there. I went to the door and asked exah what happened and he didn't even know son was texting me. Son was mad at me because I decided he could only be with his father from 12-5 today. When he got in the car he was fuming, I told him again about how much I love him and that I am just trying to protect him, that I wasn't the one to get into the car drunk and high and that while it does bother me when he is angry at me, I will deal with it because it is better to know that he is safe. In front of his father at the house I was calm and said to both of them that this isn't fair that I get all the wrath when I was not the one who is charged with drinking and driving. All exah said was that son should not twist my words around and to listen better.....so much for parenting from him, he can't even teach his son to own up to your mistakes and be a man....so sad. But my son is better now, doing his homework and asked me if we could put the lights and decorations on our christmas tree we got yesterday. Go figure. When you do the right thing God helps you out! So for now, I am learning and changing and in my heart being the bad a** so to speak, feels kinda good! Love and hugs to all of you!
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Old 12-04-2011, 03:56 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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I also had XAH playing children off against me-so know how you feel.

You keep consistant parenting.

All best wishes to you
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Old 01-01-2012, 08:29 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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update

exAH has had court date postponed until Jan. 20th because he thinks his lawyer can get him off the 5 charges because the police did not dot their "I"s and cross their "T"s he said. He was charged with failure to yield when turning left, no seatbelt, no license, dui of .08-1.7, dui of alcohol and drugs or a combination of both (this info I got from the website of our court system). He told me his DUI from 15 years ago would not affect the outcome of this one and that the marijuana charges he received in July of last summer would not affect this either. Not sure I believe him. I am going to the court date on the 20th and on the 21st he and I sit down with our lawyers to resolve our divorce. Our son has not spent the night at his house except for one night at Christmas. Son seems to be adjusting to being with me more, we'll see what meeting on the 20th brings. Not sure what I should ask for regarding custody, I want to have son stay with me, but see his father maybe 2-3 days a week during the day only and father needing to get checked for use before visits. Any other ideas?
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Old 01-01-2012, 12:18 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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My kids are 24yo, 22yo and 19yo now and I did not always make popular decisions in their opinion as teenagers. I always explained why I set rules or made decisions but didn't expect them to agree or understand at their young immature age. Now, they frequently tell me they understand now and the are so thankful for the rules I set.

Please don't beat yourself up for being a responsible parent. It's your God given responsiblity. Also, don't expect you AH to be a model parent and back you up when he's not even able to admit his issues. He will not back you up on parenting decisions and that's not your concern. He's not thinking clearly, obviously with alcohol and mary jane in his blood!

" Sometimes being RESPONSIBLE means pissing people off!" ~ Collen Powell

So true!
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Old 01-01-2012, 03:21 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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I think you're doing the best job possible. My heart goes out to you, can't imagine how painful this is.
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