winnie1202

My 19 year old is home this weekend for the holiday. He just came in from being with his other college friends who are home and he has pretty drunk. I asked him what he was drinking and he said beer. I asked him how he got home and he said he walked. He lost his license for 30 days (can get it back in mid-December) for a DUI he got over the summer (he was less than legally drunk but because of his age he can't blow anything).

My husband just "celebrated" his 90 day "birthday". I am proud of him and he his working hard on his sobriety. He did 30 days in a rehab and does the outpatient program and inbetween those days goes to AA. My son who is away at school hasn't been exposed to everything my husband has done to get to this point. I am worried about him. In another world his behavior could be chalked up to college days experiences. In my world I see my husband's alcoholic life and how those early drinking days evolved into one where he almost lost his life and family.

langkah

I would be concerned too in your situation, but beyond reasonable concern there isn't much you can do to control your son's drinking and it's effects, the lesson learned by the amount you affected your partner's drinking.

I hid my drinking from my parents well for as long as I could, and my son did his best to keep me in the dark about his drinking for as long as possible. Both of us were alcoholic from our early teens. And both of us got sober in our 20s because that was the only way we were going to see our 30s.

My daughter did some teen binge drinking, had some trouble from that (a dui) and was thereafter careful and in her later 30s now likes to have a few with friends often, but rarely goes overboard. A normal social drinker. Takes after her mom in that.

Generally it's a yes-or-no question and moms usually are the very last to take the blinders off and see what is there. If you continue to hear that the drinking & trouble has continued, then it is what it is and things won't get better until he gets sober. If he instead does some heavy drinking occasionally and then grows out of that pattern then he's not one of my crowd.

Either way you can't do much more than be an observer. Watch for a pattern of semi-crazy decisions, or actions that make no sense and invite conflict, or his beginning things and not finishing them repeatedly. If you see these then it's likely there's a lot of drinking going on you are not seeing.

Cool about your husband. He'll probably be able to pick up on anything disturbing regarding your son earlier than you, so give any concerns he voices weight even though you don't want them to be so.

dollydo

That gene predisposition thing can really mess a person up. I hope that your son comes to realize what he is doing is not healthy for him, for his future.

Justfor1

He may have drunk only beer but a person can still get very drunk on it. College students seem to take pride in how many beers they had & it's not uncommon for them to guzzle 10+ beers in a single night! They also play that beer pong game that gets one staggering drunk.