jessiec

History: I've been struggling with my ABF of one year's drinking. Multiple times he promised to cut back. Twice (when I was ready to leave) he promised to quit entirely -- only to go to AA for a week and then stop. He doesn't drink in front of me, but it's clear he's still drinking.

Tonight was my last night in town for a while (seeing my family over Thanksgiving) and he said he couldn't wait for us to be together, etc. I knew the second I saw/smelled him he had been drinking. He was in a real mood. His wireless wasn't working. Also a tragic local news story was eating at him (it paralleled the loss of his sister when he was young -- an event that still troubles him greatly and yet he's never received any kind of counseling). We talked a bit about his feelings, and while I wasn't happy about the drinking (though I didn't mention it) I was glad he was opening up. But things deteriorated. He began acting agitated and antsy - getting worked up over the smallest of things (this is a recurring pattern) and being difficult and argumentative about everything.

I left in tears, so frustrated, particularly the timing. I hate that I'm leaving for Thanksgiving with a heavy heart and that this will be on my mind during precious time with my family. Then again, what better time to be around the people that love me the most!

While I'm disappointed, I'm not "devestated," like I would have been before. I really have taken back reigns on some aspects of my life, including work, stress management, spirituality and fitness. This weekend, I'll have plenty of time to read more of Codependency No More, and jot down some notes for my therapy session Tuesday -- just started seeing one, and she's great!

Thanks for listening! Needed to get it out!

jessiec

Lyn, thank you so much for your response and sharing your experience -- congratulations to you on your engagement and the wonderful place you are in right now!

That is a great question you asked, and it is one I plan to give a lot of thought.

Happy Thanksgiving!

NYCDoglvr

An active alcoholic's higher power and most important thing is ALCOHOL. Alcoholics aren't capable of real relationships ... we're only talking to a bottle when we try to have a conversation.

LifeRecovery

For a long time I thought that the talking when my loved one was drinking about all of the feelings and emotions that he had bottled up were cathartic for him. I compared it to counseling for me (when I did something similiar). However as my counselor had to show me later it is not the same. He often did not remember what he had said the next day. In other words that was not helpful it was just talking.

That talking though kept me hooked for a long time. If he just got all the hard stuff from growing up out. If he just got all the stress from work out....he would not need to drink. It has been easier for me since I learned that lesson.

jessiec

Thanks for the perspectives! I will have a lot to talk about at my therapist sessiOn Tuesday!

Seren

Vent all you want, jessie! I hope that you enjoy today with your family.