Sorry I have to post again...just more from my first post earlier today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 64
Sorry I have to post again...just more from my first post earlier today
I just got off the phone with him, he's still back at our old town.
He's drunk, big surprise, after his big, "I'll change" song and dance from earlier.
Well, he's telling me that if we split up, that he's taking our babies and our home and I can take my other kids. When I told him that no judge would ever give him, a drunk, 2 15 month olds to raise, he started saying things, like, just watch and you'll see.
That kind of thing helps to keep me stuck with him. I know that he wouldn't get the babies, but it's his threats about, "you'll see" "your family will see" and things like that that bother me. He says that his sisters would be there to help him out with money and the kids. He always talks stupid when he's drunk, and maybe I shouldn't give his statements so much power. He's going on and on about how he's going to tell my family all and make a "big speech" at Thanksgiving and that no one better say anything to him.
Of course, it's still my fault because I don't sit down after the kids go to bed and talk with him. It's my fault because I don't know how to have a relationship with anyone.
Sorry to bother you all with this again. I told him not to call me again tonight. I won't answer.
He's drunk, big surprise, after his big, "I'll change" song and dance from earlier.
Well, he's telling me that if we split up, that he's taking our babies and our home and I can take my other kids. When I told him that no judge would ever give him, a drunk, 2 15 month olds to raise, he started saying things, like, just watch and you'll see.
That kind of thing helps to keep me stuck with him. I know that he wouldn't get the babies, but it's his threats about, "you'll see" "your family will see" and things like that that bother me. He says that his sisters would be there to help him out with money and the kids. He always talks stupid when he's drunk, and maybe I shouldn't give his statements so much power. He's going on and on about how he's going to tell my family all and make a "big speech" at Thanksgiving and that no one better say anything to him.
Of course, it's still my fault because I don't sit down after the kids go to bed and talk with him. It's my fault because I don't know how to have a relationship with anyone.
Sorry to bother you all with this again. I told him not to call me again tonight. I won't answer.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Originally Posted by witharealwinner 
I shouldn't give his statements so much power.
Do you go to Al-Anon? If not, I highly recommend it - can really help detaching from conversations like this.
Hang in there! And go hug those babies! ; )
PS no need to apologize for posting - this place is here for just that, and often it helps clarify our thinking by writing it out (get it out of our heads!)
Last edited by Tuffgirl; 11-22-2011 at 07:11 PM. Reason: added a PS
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
He is just doing what addicts do, deflect, threaten and play mind games.
Have his words ever mean't anything in the past? I'd say, no.
He knows your weaknesses. Addicts prey on others who have weak bounderies and male addicts have the natural ability to read women who are needy and/or vulnerable.
You are obsessing, playing the what if game.
Let him play his word games, they mean nothing without being backed up by action. That's where it all falls apart. Addicts have the attention span of three year olds, and lack follow thru, it's all blah, blah and more blah, blah.
Let it go, don't give him your power.
Have his words ever mean't anything in the past? I'd say, no.
He knows your weaknesses. Addicts prey on others who have weak bounderies and male addicts have the natural ability to read women who are needy and/or vulnerable.
You are obsessing, playing the what if game.
Let him play his word games, they mean nothing without being backed up by action. That's where it all falls apart. Addicts have the attention span of three year olds, and lack follow thru, it's all blah, blah and more blah, blah.
Let it go, don't give him your power.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
Tuffgirl is absolutely right!
You are always welcome here, I will read your posts, please don't feel alone, you have friends here.
Ignore the rantings of baby-man, he cannot get your kids, he is an unemployed alcoholic who is abusive, not a winning combination for custody.
Trust your attorney, go to alanon, get into counseling, and come back here often!
Best of luck to you,
Bill
You are always welcome here, I will read your posts, please don't feel alone, you have friends here.
Ignore the rantings of baby-man, he cannot get your kids, he is an unemployed alcoholic who is abusive, not a winning combination for custody.
Trust your attorney, go to alanon, get into counseling, and come back here often!
Best of luck to you,
Bill
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
I had several of those conversations with my STBXAH. I would get sucked into his threats... And end up arguing with him just because I needed him to see how wrong he was and right I was. It was insane. And those conversations never ended nicely. Nope, I would usually get amped up, start screaming... And then completely lose it. And guess what? That's exactly what an alcoholic needs to have happen - because then the attention is diverted to me and my behavior.
The fear of "co-parenting" kept me stuck too... For a long time. What has helped was getting a support system and working my recovery. I have found people who have taught me to stop engaging in those non-sensical conversations! I have gotten the strength I need to set boundaries and protect my kids from unacceptable behavior.
I will probably still have to share custody with my AH... But I have learned that things will be okay. My job is to focus on me, be the best mom I can to them, and trust in my HP. I stay on high alert because I am dealing with an active alcoholic.
Hang in there... Get to an Al-anon meeting and you will find all the love and support you need!
Shannon
The fear of "co-parenting" kept me stuck too... For a long time. What has helped was getting a support system and working my recovery. I have found people who have taught me to stop engaging in those non-sensical conversations! I have gotten the strength I need to set boundaries and protect my kids from unacceptable behavior.
I will probably still have to share custody with my AH... But I have learned that things will be okay. My job is to focus on me, be the best mom I can to them, and trust in my HP. I stay on high alert because I am dealing with an active alcoholic.
Hang in there... Get to an Al-anon meeting and you will find all the love and support you need!
Shannon
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
I really REALLY recommend going NO CONTACT, and if there is to be contact, it should only be by email, which can be printed out and used as evidence. All further contact should only relate to visitation schedule, and I strongly advise keeping your communication short and point form (i.e. "Visit tomorrow, 15h00 to 17h00, at X location"). Anything more and you invite more drama into your life.
Let him huff and puff. My XAH did that too, for months even, and look what happened? Nothing. He's gone. I have custody. I have a divorce. I am free of him.
Let him huff and puff. My XAH did that too, for months even, and look what happened? Nothing. He's gone. I have custody. I have a divorce. I am free of him.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Practice not engaging when he threatens you - He says "I'll get the kids, you'll see." Just say "Hunh." Don't give him any fuel. Because down here on planet REALITY where we non-addicts live, there is no way he will get custody of your kids. So why argue? Let the lawyers argue!
I hope you have a peaceful Thanksgiving. Give him a nice round of applause after his speech and then turn to your table neighbor and talk about something real and important like the protests going on in Egypt.
There is a whole wide world out there....the world of the addict is so very very small.
Peace-
B
I hope you have a peaceful Thanksgiving. Give him a nice round of applause after his speech and then turn to your table neighbor and talk about something real and important like the protests going on in Egypt.
There is a whole wide world out there....the world of the addict is so very very small.
Peace-
B
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
