Yogagal

I'm in a bit of a quandary... is it ever acceptable to speak with a loved one's sponsor about concerns that abuse issues have resurfaced?

MsPINKAcres

My first thought is have you spoken to Your Sponsor about the issue yet?

Sometimes it's hard to take that step back and not be involved in our loved ones recovery - but it is "their" recovery! And I know for me ~ I had to learn to focus on mine.

I'm not saying this is 100% true for all situations but for most things I thought it was important for others to know - I found out that everyone finds out what they need to know when they need to know and usually without ANY help from me.

That's just what I have found that keeps me healthy and taking care of things on my own side of the street

Pink Hugs & wishing you & your loved one the best!
Rita

Programmatic

I have recognized my powerlessness over alcohol. I have also recognized the unmanageability that accompanies my attempts at taking power over alcohol.

I would sincerely doubt my attempts to contact someone's sponsor about "issues resurfacing" as being anything other than attempts to exercise power over alcohol and as such would expect to be met with healthy dose of unmanageability.

I would also consider that such attempts would likely result in not only further damage to the relationship with my alcoholic loved one but also wreak havoc on the relationship between the sponsor and the loved one as well.

In short, I wouldn't dare do it.

akrasia

I don't understand what "abuse issues" means here. But in any case, no. If you need help, then there are resources you can access. If it's psychological issues (memories or PTSD) your partner's experiencing, then you might mention something to partner if you want, but don't put thesponsor in the middle.

I imagine a sponsor's role is like a doctor in this way--he ought to protect the privacy of his "sponsoree."

Yogagal

Thanks for the input. It is what I expected - just needed to hear it. His sponsor and I have developed a very close friendship over the past few years. I believe the friendship would exist outside the relationship with the SA, but a few times the lines have been blurred, particularly lately. The SA is dealing with the emotional and physical effects of a dire cancer diagnosis and the need to balance strong painkillers with a history of addiction. I am concerned that balance is tipping in a dangerous direction.

As a trusted friend told me, there may be no playbook for this. It's a matter of doing what feels right, reaching out when help is needed and acknowledging that I won't do the right thing every time.

Thank you all for helping me today.

BadCompany

As an AA sponsor I have had many wives rat out their husband. Appropriate or not it happens plenty.