wpgdude230540

So I met this girl, we hit it off, she had a 5 year old daughter. Everything was amazing as we settled into our little family life together. I believed she was my soulmate, my perfect girl, and that we would be together forever. Yeah the relationship had many challenges even back then but i knew i wanted to stick it out!

over a year later I realized she was an alcoholic. She would slowly increase her drinking until an episode would occur, the "monster" would rear its ugly head every few months and I would have to take care of her, take her home, worry about her well being, and then have an emotional next morning explaining how she hurt me the night before ( she would black out and not remember a thing).

She would be remorseful, apologize, and quit drinking for weeks afterwards. eventually it would start again. first one beer, then two, then the monster came back. and it all started over again.

she was on venlafaxine/wellbutrin and then lithium/wellbutrin to treat her mental illness the entire time (depression then bipolar). we attended mental illness support groups and talked about our feelings all the time. Her alcoholism was a form of self medication to feel better.

In retrospect, I notice now that she was only happy when she was drinking. She rarely wanted sex when sober too. I found out that in her past she has been very promiscuous and spent exorbitant amounts of money and other bipolar habits that describe highs and lows, peaks and valleys, and the like.

So yesterday afternoon I knew she was away at a baby shower for a friend, I drove to her house, cleaned out all my stuff, and left. She called me an hour later and said "hey babe why is all your stuff gone". I said, "Christine, I am unhappy in this relationship, and I need to go." She cried and cried and I told her I wanted to be friends, I would never stop loving her, and that I would always be there for her.

I never said "its cause your an aloholic and depressed!" but I made that pretty clear in the SEVERAL letters to her during each successive episode (there were three big ones) so she must know what happened.

I was enabling her to behave this way by believing her when she said "okay i'll stop drinking now for good, I want to get better!" but i was always there to pick her up when she fell down.

Sadly, if I truly loved her, I HAVE TO LEAVE to teach her she can't behave this way. Perhaps one day she will meet someone who loves her unconditionally, she will tackle the dual diagnosed issues, and live happily ever after. And at that time, she may owe it to me by bringing her issues to light and dumping her to remind her of how serious the matter is!!!

This was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life.

lillamy

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.
(That's a line from a song; I didn't make it up.)

I'm glad you managed to do what you needed to do to preserve your sanity and your life. Surely, somebody, somewhere, must have told her that the combination of Wellbutrin and alcohol is bad, bad, bad? Not to mention the fact that alcohol in itself is a depressant -- so drinking when you're depressed is sort of like pouring gasoline on a fire.

The good thing is, you moved on. That's healthy. The question is -- how much damage did this relationship do to YOU?

I know that even after getting out of a relationship with an alcoholic, Al-Anon is very helpful to me in identifying coping mechanisms that I developed during that relationship, coping mechanisms that are fundamentally unhealthy for me (and any people around me).

MsPINKAcres

Hate so much that you had to walk away from someone you cared about because of this awful disease - but glad you made the healthy choice for YOU. Hopefully someday she will make a healthy choice for herself and seek recovery.

Take good care of you !

PINK HUGS,
Rita

Carol Star

I get it. I had to divorce someone I deeply loved.

Shadydeal

I admire your strength and actions. I have a relationship that appears to be much like yours....still trying to find the strength.

fuster

Hello, WPGDude:

Good decision. You won't regret it (you will probably have second thoughts at times but you won't regret it long term).

I have had to ask a girlfriend to leave a few times in my past. It is very hard. Once because the gal had a bad gambling addiction. You have to exercise self care regardless of how you feel about the loved one.

UpSiDeDoWn

Am reallly thinking on your statement ... that you had to leave, if you loved her. It does make sense, that's for sure.

Stay strong.

Upndown

Milly39

I feel your pain. My AH left last week - I asked him to go as I had had enough.
It is the hardest thing I've done in my life...but I believe it is the right choice for me and my 2 boys.

Stay Strong.
M.

coffeedrinker

wpgdude,

you are right, you are right, you are right.

i found that when i got distance, i put things into a different perspective.

i, too, left my "soulmate"

i discovered that what we believed was a heart and soul kind of strong bond, was that, but based on other, unhealthy needs.

what were your needs in the relationship? what most fed you and kept you hooked?
if you can be really honest you will find the direction you need to go.

please keep coming here. this is a tremendous site.

stay strong, you've done the right thing.

Learn2Live

Good for you wpgdude, for making a clean break! Now be aware that they have all sorts of tactics to suck you back in. You may want to consider going to Al-Anon for yourself, and to help you see why you may have been involved with such a person. (((hugs)))