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Old 11-21-2011, 09:13 AM
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XAH's mother and grandma to my 2 daughters is in town for the Thanksgiving Holiday. I offered to let her stay with us, to avoid expensive motels, and holy hell, is she ever staying with us.

I don't have a problem with her in particular, but she literally does not have a filter on her mouth. I find myself so annoyed at her CONSTANT remarks about how I am doing something or even at her remarks about people on TV. For example, watching the American Music Awards last night....."wow, divorce sure hasn't been nice to Christina Aguilera" and "wow, that singer from Lady Antebellum needs to lose a few pounds" and many other insignificant but extremely annoying, unecessary comments. I ended up just going to bed. She also wears her disapproval of ANYTHING all over her face. I go out to smoke a cigarette ( I know, I shouldn't, but it's my one vice for now) and she cops attitude for the next ten minutes. I have a half a bottle of wine on my counter (been there for a couple of weeks, that's how little I drink) and she has to make comments about that.

The other thing she will not stop with it the wondering (out loud) about her son, where he is, do I have any idea, have I heard from him, would I call his friend to see if he has heard from him, etc. No, no, no and NO! This whole visit from her is really triggering me, her codie behavior is driving me nuts. I know full well that I have codie behavior as well, but I work really, really hard at not being codie. Having her in my house is sending me into crazyville. I was actually excited to leave the house to go to work this morning, which is unheard of on a MOnday.

I am really trying to keep my mouth shut so that I don't hurt her feelings, but I am having a hard time, and Saturday (when she leaves) is a LONG WAY off. Does anyone know of any coping mechanisms? Other than finishing that bottle of wine?????????

M
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Old 11-21-2011, 09:36 AM
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Maybe offer to pay for a hotel room for her?!?!

Other than that... (as my sponsor always says)... I get what I ask for. When I offer to do something for somebody - I have to let go of my expectations for the outcome. If I'm doing something for somebody that they can and should do for themselves... it's enabling. If I do it to spare them, and it ends up hurting me... I really need to start becoming more aware and make better decisions to honor me!

I can't control other people... but I can control the amount of time I spend with them

Thanks for letting me share!
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Old 11-21-2011, 09:59 AM
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Does anyone know of any coping mechanisms? Other than finishing that bottle of wine?????????
Nightly Al Anon meetings that you MUST attend? An appointment to have hot needles stuck in your eyes? LOL, maybe it's time to talk turkey with her and be straight up when she says something that makes you uncomfortable. And ignore the innuendo and stink eye. And then just do what you are going to do (smoke, drink, whatever) and let it go. It's YOUR life. What do you have to lose?

My AH's mother triggers me, too. She means well but she can really get under my skin at times. I'm trying to be more direct with her, direct but kind.
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Old 11-21-2011, 10:06 AM
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Offer to drop her off at the mall (to do some shopping for the holidays) for many hours

encourage her to call others and "visit" ~ruin their day, preferably people you do not like

have her take your kids to a movie and dinnerout, you can just drop them off for a few hours.

have your friends over to support you. go shopping while she babysits, schedule a mammogram, pedicure, eye doctor visit, massage, all those things you need to do anyway.

put the ipod or phone in your ear and just point to your ears when she talks that you cannot hear her.

pretend to have a migraine and lock your bedroom door.

hope she calms down. sheesh, don't offer again.
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Old 11-30-2011, 02:55 PM
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OMG. she finally left this morning. I was nearly in a padded room. Now I know not to offer. Ever again.
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Old 11-30-2011, 03:17 PM
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Haha. My bf's mom visits like 10 times a year. She *cries* when she leaves because she misses my son *sooooo* much, boohoo. I cry every time she comes. Her problem is she is an A too and coddles her son in a sickening manner. Ewwww. She txt'd me last night about how he needs to get to the DMV about his truck in 2 days. BF didn't register truck and after 6 months she finally took him to the DMV herself to get temporary registration until he manages to get the damn thing fixed so it can get smogged. she also bought him the truck and he hasn't paid her back for a damn penny. I just IGNORED the txt. I have repeatedly told this woman that I am not responsible for her son and that she enables him by babying him constantly.

Eck, MIL's are sometimes and seemingly the most abhorrent people on the planet. (my last MIL was the most awesome-est mom in the world, so I know the difference).

Note to self: Don't be like this to my own child when he grows up.

Glad your XMIL is GONE, GONE, GONE!
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Old 12-01-2011, 09:05 AM
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YOu are a better person then me. If my MIL stayed with me for 10 minutes I dont know what I would do but it wouldnt be anything good.
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