MissWhyMe

Im Lost i dont know what to do nhe says he has to leave me my Ap but after months of doing his work he comes back cant leave me alone.yet when im away i know hes on them stupit chatsites trying to replace me..an doing his work he comes back no more chatsites no more texting its true i hang around a lot longer because i love him an turn a Blind eye hes back on them after 6 months ...the more i hang around the more ill he feels ..when he stresses i know i love him he says hes the most happiest man im the world when hes with me ..like no one else before me they were all just picked up an dropped with in weeks ive been a year an a half Big Difference if i go an let go with love ...i will regret it for the rest of my life i know i love this man with all my heart more than ive loved anyone.the times weve had are magic ive been there at his worst from the start i deserve him at his best .the lies deseat an hurt ive been thru walking away over an over again at the start an i still let him in why ?
do i need help to let him go an do his work ? for me to understand alot more ?
i know patterns an i know defects ...hes my whole world an i dont think i could bare losing him or living another day knowing how i feel an knowing i cant have him ...

Pelican

Have you tried Alanon meetings yet?
Have you read anything on Codependency?

I suggest Alanon meetings to acquire skills for life with an alcoholic (even if they have stopped drinking). I learned skills for other personal relationships too.

I suggest picking up a copy of 'Codependent No More' by Melody Beattie.

I suggest using punctuation marks in your posts.

I also suggest reading this link about boundary-less relationships:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tionships.html

Diva76

Dear Miss Why Me?

I've been there....and it hurts so bad...
HOWEVER....
In my recovery, I have learned that we teach people how to treat us, so until you set some healthier boundaries for yourself, this guy will continue taking advantage of your love and kindness...

I lived with a man who was self-medicating with alcohol for an anxiety disorder...
(I suspect he may have been bi-polar) and had obessive compulsive tendencies as well...
Eventually, I moved out and I continued to be a part of his life for well over a year after I moved...

I never loved someone the way I loved him and although I had one other relationship after him, (with a lot of time off inbetween) I still think about him...
But, I know I can never be with him....
Even when I was in his life on and off, he was always much worse each time I went back to "take a peek..."

Only you can decide how you wish to address your relationship, but for me, I found it really helpful when my counselor suggested that I take a 6 month break from him (with no contact)

Did it feel impossible at first???

OMG, did it ever!

But....it gave me the time I needed to work on myself. I did this by going to counseling and Al-Anon. When I started developing healthier traits for myself, I was able to let go of the fantasy I was creating in my mind about this "wonderful" relationship I was in...

Did my former boyfriend have some beautiful traits? Yes! He sure did! And, I wanted to hold onto those traits, yet...the other less desirable traits always inched out ahead of the "good stuff..."

I was once told that a relationship equals the sum of all its parts and in my situation, with all the parts put together, it still equaled NO GOOD;(

I know how much you must be hurting right now....so that is precisely why it is so important for you to take better care of yourself and let this guy do his OWN work.

Until he is left to face his own consequences, he will have no reason to change his behavior....

And now that you're not going to be cleaning up any of HIS messes anymore, that gives you even more time to work on the most important person in this situation and that would be YOU!!!

I wish you all the best and know that with time, things will get better for you...

Peace to you....

Diva 76

wicked

The reason I stayed or went back was because it was all I knew. I did know it was unhealthy for both of us, but still I hung on, because I wanted better from him. It does not work that way. I work on me, he works on him. He chose drugs.

...hes my whole world an i dont think i could bare losing him or living another day knowing how i feel an knowing i cant have him

Did you exist before you met him? one year and a half of lies, addiction and cheating, yet you do not want to live without him? Please look for a counselor who will help you to find YOU as a whole person.

Beth

Carol Star

It helps to get over the sad to remember the stuff that made you MAD. And the no contact works- it gets easier. One day I just woke up and knew contacting him would hurt ME and I stopped. I stopped putting myself through the problem and lived in the solutions. I was done with the chaos, crazies, and drama. On the show Intervention the lady counselor asked the wife- " What part of loving that man makes you happy ?"

dollydo

To me, there is not a man on gods green earth that I could not live without. A man may compliment me, however a man does not define me.

If you need this man to complete you, you will never find true happiness, I would suggest therapy to talk it out and hopefully overcome the neediness that will end up crippling you.

fedup3

we have all started at some point to begin to realize that our lives were unmanageable when we started posting here some more codependent than others but remember you have to begin to put one foot in front of the other to get to a healthier place.

MissWhyMe

I want to say thank you toall the people who have helped me on this page i was starting to question my own sanity ! i mus go to alanon ..its for my own good an work on me .x