Girlfriend has a drink problem?

Old 11-15-2011, 07:45 AM
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Girlfriend has a drink problem?

Hi

Need some advice, because i am pretty sure my girlfriend has a drink problem.

I have been seeing this girl for a year and half now and i cant recall a night where she has not had a drink. I have approached her about her drinking, as i said it upsets me because my father, + 2 friends died because of alcohol. Everytime i bring this up, she says to me "i only have a couple of cans of beer a night after work, like any normal person" but when it comes to the weekend when i see her, she must drink about 6 to 7 cans each night i am there and ends up drunk all the time.

Obviously this causes friction in our relationship, because she thinks this is normal, but i have grown up with the effect of alcohol and seen what it can do to people and i really dont know how to approach this anymore.

I have sat down and explained my life to her and the effect of alcohol has had on me personally, but it seems to go in one ear and out the other because nothing changes, she still continues to get drunk. We do live a distance apart from each other, and most nights when she calls she slurs down the phone, i say to her your on your 3rd beer now arent you, as i know and she just says to me stop going on.

We have now split up unfortunately as i really dont think i play much importance in her life, but i am guessing that the drink it not making her see clearly, i am really not sure.

I do know part of the reason why she drinks as she has this fear of dying, but i have said i will talk and be as supportive as i can, but she also needs to help herself.

Any advice i would really appreciate
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Old 11-15-2011, 08:18 AM
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I can't really offer you any advice for your situation, but it sounds A LOT like when me & my AW started dating. We had many talks about it & 15 years later the issue is still there but WAY worse. It is no joke that it is a progressive disease. Writing this I can't believe I've blocked out all the problems we had early on, seems like one day I woke up & found out she's an alcoholic. I know I wish I had payed attention to the signs earlier when I wasn't as emotionally & financially tied down in our marriage.
It probably won't matter to her that it hurts you. If she is an alcoholic, drinking is more important to her than anything else. You have to ask yourself if you can handle living with the pain that goes along with her drinking. I know, I dealt with if with my father. He did recover & stay sober for 25 years but did eventually die of liver cancer so I know how it can hurt to see the woman you love go down that road. It much harder now & the disease is on a mission now & is progressing fast. I know I wish I could have avoided all the years of pain it has/is/will cause me. There is a lot of support here. It has given me the realization we all have choices in everything we do. Knowing there are choices can be a great comfort.
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Old 11-15-2011, 08:22 AM
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If you have to ask...
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Old 11-15-2011, 08:26 AM
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Based on the limited information that you gave, it appears that the compatible level of your relationship was pretty low. If this is a person that loves and cares about you, you should be able to talk about any topic, including alcohol consumption without becoming defensive.

Dating is a time to figure out compatibility, and if this isn't the one then it is better to learn that now than to find out later, after you are married, have kids and all that goes with that...
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Old 11-15-2011, 10:10 PM
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http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

If you go to the FORUMS page, which I copied above for you.
Read, Read and Read...Educate yourself. And please, DO YOURSELF a HUGE favor.
Dont think "She" is no different than the rest.

You are here, posting your pain, just like us
As she is drinking, just like them


Alcoholism is a hard one to go thru with someone you like or even love....

After years of living with, I dont recommend it to anyone.

She is the only one that can get sober!
YOU CAN NOT MAKE HER STOP DRINKING!!!..dont even try. It doesnt work like that
with alcoholism.

I do recommend that you keep on reading & posting on this site
AND
I do recommend that you find a ALANON class right away
AND
""If"" I was you, I would let her take her bottles and enjoy her beer all by herself
as you go on a nice vacation and find some hot chick on the beach!

Im just saying, that's what I would do, if I was you....
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Old 11-15-2011, 10:16 PM
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You said, She drinks because she has a fear of dying??? OMG...
She will die, if she continues to drink...

In Alanon, we call that QUACK!..Kind of like ********!
They come up with any reason to drink. It is amazing!

Lots of us lose our entire families, home, business, years of marriage
to a active alcoholism. So you are not alone. Some alcoholics
will tell you straight to your face, they are selfish people. They would
rather drink, than save a family, home, business, years of marriage.
I easily write this, because that's what mine told me......

So you must step aside, let GO and let GOD and SAVE YOURSELF!!
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Old 11-16-2011, 12:32 AM
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You sound like a very kind and supportive person, and there are echoes of all of us in your post. We all focus on the person with the problem, and if we let them they drain all our resources-until one day we realise that it's us we should be taking care of!
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Old 11-16-2011, 10:09 AM
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options for alcoholics

# sobriety

# continued drinking, illness's , insanity and or eventual death
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