choublak

The "bad friend" might not be out of your lives; it's only been a week... Just keep that in the back of your mind to spare yourself some possible disappointment in the future.

chronsweet

Ib - I had a bf addicted to opiates as well. He would get subs and, get this, SELL THEM for more opiates. IMO your bf knew/knows his friend used drugs and did so with a needle. His *shock* was construed and manipulative. I seriously don't think he *gave up* this friend as you fantasize about. Usually these people keep their *hook-ups* pretty close until they absolutely have no need for them anymore. Opiate/heroin addicts will steal, lie, and do ANYTHING to keep that high going. They get physically ill, if addicted, when quitting. They are laid up in bed moaning and groaning, not eating, sweating, and all they can think about is getting more.

I feel like you are coming here to validate your decision to stay with him. You are in denial and as harsh as it sounds, you need to snap back to reality. Seriously. Quit defending him and as I read on here before, "Listen to the actions, not the words."

marie1960

" I don't want to live like this forever, but I do love the man. I don't feel like its so easy to just get out while I can." Ibrishel.

My friend, you are involved with an addict. He will remain an addict the rest of his life. Only he can choose recovery, then he will be a recovered addict.

If you rush into this marriage, I am afraid you will be living the exact life that you are trying to avoid.

Personally, and just my opinion, he is just blowing smoke up your butt, he is saying what you want to hear....... Addicts, lie, deny, manipulate. (And repeat when needed)

Take care of you first.
All my best to you........

lbrishel

I definitely am not coming on here to validate my decision to stay with him. I'm on here to see what other people have gone through and have a place to vent about these issues because besides my therapist I don't feel comfortable talking to my friends and family so that seems a bit harsh. I have seen his WDs and I know how bad they can be. I will say that I do defend him which may not be the wisest thing to do but I'm still working on breaking that habit. I have been in denial about the issue but I recognize full and well that as an addict he will do anything and everything to keep his addiction going.

marie1960

I certainly was not questioning your decision to stay in your current relationship. Only you can decide what is best for you . I have found so very much knowledge and support from this site. My hope is that you also can benefit from the wealth of life experiences shared here.

Shortly after I found this sight I think MLK posted these words. "Hope clouds Observation".

Somehow those words have stuck in my head. The fog lifted, I finally understood. While i was so hopeful that things were going to get better, the reality was, I was involved with an active addict. I did not sign on to be with an active addict. I was not a trained professional, I did not have any life skills that told me how to live in this type of hell. I did not want to possess any specific skills to HAVE to deal with his crap. It truly was his problem, not mine.

At first, I thought I was being selfish, cruel, and an insensitive witch, for not wanting to embrace him, and help him to be the healthy and wonderful man that I knew he was.

Educating myself about addiction has allowed me to go forward in my life. I went to the library read everything I could get my hands on. I searched the internet, I found this site which I believe to be a very reliable and accurate source of info.

May you find your answers.........
Wishing you all good things in life........

kiki5711

Well put and straight forward laid out.

It's true, addicts can tell miles away, where there's another addict. I would be utterly suprised if he didn't know his friend was shooting up.

caring247

Hi ibri.. i am wondering about any new dtatus of your relationship and how your boyfriend is doing. I read a few of your posts on this thread. I too believe my.boyfriend wants to change. Its a scary situation to be in. I have never been an addict myself unless you count the occasional pot smoking. Sometimes i feel in my gut im being lied to but i have nothing exactly to pin point. Its just a feeling i have. I guess im just on this site looking for any types of advice. Im curious how you are doing.

mattmathews

Indeed. Why would you stay with someone you can't trust? Who can you trust? Can you trust anyone? Should you? Are we even asking the right question?
One of the topics at my meeting today was "expectations," so its fresh in my mind. The problem with our own expectations is how they drive us crazy and make us unhappy. "Expectations are premeditated resentments."
When someone doesn't behave according to our expectations, we feel hurt, we feel angry, maybe we even feel like our world has been turned upside down. Out of control. When things don't go like we think they should go, maybe that feels scary. Dangerous. Maybe it reminds us of how we felt when we were children. Maybe we said we'd never let anyone make us feel like that again.
If I take "the three C's" seriously, then I believe that I didn't cause it, I can't cure it and I can't control it. Whether the alcoholic (addict) in my life chooses to drink (or use) is completely outside my control. The fact that she's in recovery and hasn't had a drink in 4 years makes me happy. But I can't "trust" that she will never drink again. I've heard too many stories. It helps me to recognize that what she does is about her, it's not about me.
All I can do is to work on the only person I can control, me. Because I know that without help, living with an active alcoholic was too much for me. I spent several miserable years before I found help. I'd like to believe that if the alcoholic in my life does relapse, I have the tools in place to take care of myself.