wheredoIstart

I'm having a really bad day..... Hubby's drinking like he always does and gets mean and nasty.... When he's called on the carpet for lying about his drinking he turns things around and points the finger at me..... ( I don't drink)...... I have been dealing with this mess for 20 years.... it's not like I can just leave...... I'm ill...... and My medications are really spendy...... I have MS...... and it's really important to keep your stress level down...... ya right...... I'm always stressed out........ he tells me that I'm too high maintance because I'm sick...... he never has anything nice to say..... and it's always illness related remarks witch really hurts because I can't help being sick...... My illness causes me many problems and he loves to point them out.
I know he will never quit drinking and I don't know how to deal with his drinking and lies....... and how to try to live a halfway normal life....... meetings will do me no good...... I don't get out much.... I'm home 24/7........ Tonight he called me a B!@#!.... and said that I'm nothing but a ball buster........ I don't know where to turn....... he's so mean...... and seems to get such a kick out of hurting me....... I know I can't control it but it's so hard....... no romance here either...... makes me want to puke...... because he's always drinking.......
I just needed to vent....... thanks!

12 Step Girl

Dear Where,

Im sooooo sorry your hurting. Ive def been there, and felt that too. If you cant get out to meetings of al anon, attend online meetings here and keep reading/posting. You have a disease, he has a diease,,at all sucks! But find ways, any little ways, to take care of you,,,,

Remember, his disease has several requirements:

1. blaming others
2. lying
3.manipualting (its allllllll your fault I drink)
4.isolating
5. lack of affection and care of others

If you try to remember its his disease talking, it may help you to detach....hate the damn disease, but try not to hate him.

Take care,, youve got support here, thats for sure!!

Chy

I'm sorry you have to endure the rath of a drunken lunatic.. but it's the alcohol you know the disease he refuses to admit. Such a horrible way to live with the one you love. I wish you would find solace in meetings, I don't understand why you say they won't help if not to get out for a bit in a safe/ peaceful/loving environment.

I'm praying for you both!

wheredoIstart

Thanks to all for the support......... it's so hard to deal with at times.... but it nice to know that other's understand.....
I can't even amagine what he would do if he found out that I was getting support from this board....... I think he would just flip out....
it's like living with two different people..... at night he's the under the influence jerk and in the Morning he's so sweet....... it's back and forth...... I know that in the Evening he's going to be back to his jerky self and then in the Morning he's going to be sweet and ask ME what MY Problem is........ it's so hard to turn it on and off like he does..... he drinks and drives everyday too and when I say something about it ....... he says that I'm just being a B#!$ and starting a fight....... go figure......he's been so very lucky but I know that someday his luck is going to run out......and it will be at the expense of someone else getting hurt or even killed........ and nothing can be done unless someone does get hurt..... so very sad...... and he works hard and has EVERYTHING to lose.......
Thanks!!!
Still venting......

AprilT

I know how you feel. My dh is much the same way and seems to delight in my tears. I'm sorry you have to go through it. ((hugs))