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Was your spouse drinking when you 1st met them?

Old 11-18-2011, 09:36 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Yes, he drank when I first met him and smoked pot. We were both young so I didn't think much of it. After we married, I realized it was a problem for him. I stopped drinking much after our first child was born, but he was drinking more and still to this day drinks more and more. Funny our oldest just asked me recently if his Dad was always an alcoholic. I told him, yes, he was but I just didn't know it at the time. He said he didn't remember him acting drunk so I guess he managed to block out a lot of bad memories.

I think if I ever get myself out of this marriage to my AH, I'd be happy if the next guy said he didn't want to drink at all.
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Old 11-19-2011, 08:12 AM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by theuncertainty View Post
I'm Still learning this one.
me too! And it can be such a painfully repeating lesson!
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Old 11-20-2011, 03:23 PM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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Yes, my AH drank beer almost everyday when we met, but at that time (in our 20's) so did everyone else we knew. I never thought it was, or was going to be, a problem. I guess now looking back, there WERE signs that I just didn't recognize. Never being able to drive himself home from holidays or parties, going out at 10pm to get another 6 pack, etc.. I was a normie and didn't have a clue about alcoholism or the early signs of it. It wasn't until the passing out, weekly verbal attacks against me, and other people saying "Wow, your H was SO DRUNK at that party, ha ha..." when it finally dawned on me that he was an alcoholic! Duh! How was I so dense back then, how could I really not know, all the signs were there, was I blinded by love? Who knows. Now here we are, 10 years later. Sometimes I wish I was still a normie, oblivious to alcoholism because it wasn't directly in my life. Because this sh*t sucks. If I were to ever get a divorce from my AH, I will never, ever date someone who drinks or does drugs, or is a recovering addict, or anything of the sort. Never again.

Last edited by ukiah77; 11-20-2011 at 03:24 PM. Reason: add something
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Old 11-21-2011, 11:39 AM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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My ex-significant other and I did a long distance relationship for over a year when we first started dating. I never saw him intoxicated during that time though there were a lot of stories of his drinking from his teenage years which was pretty scary. I nievely figured that he was over that. I have never been a big drinker and had never been drunk so it just did not register with me what this type of drinking was that he was talking about.

So when the drinking started after moving to the same town I assumed the drinking was the "new" behavior, not realizing that he had been on his "good" behavior prior to that.

I love the quote "When someone shows you who they are....believe them." Between that and coming to realize that not everyone thinks the same way I do this has been a great learning experience.
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Old 11-21-2011, 02:39 PM
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Originally Posted by Jazzman View Post
That's it?!?! No .
Typing on a dang phone , lol

We both drank a lot when we first met. I drank to much too. We spent a lot of time in bars and parties. As time went on I began to realize a couple things.
I was able to keep moving forward with school, life, employment. He had trouble with those basic things. He did not come with me to activities that did not include drinking. He didn't ever slow up. I was getting bored with it all and wanted to move forward with life and he talked about that but did not move towards that. He is older then I am do I should have seen how big that flag was. He did eventually quit the regular binging and went to daily drinking. Beer for birth, funeral, first b day, watching tv. Just constant and this seemed like an improvement at first and what I was used to as normal in my original family. But that catches up with an alcoholic and it is a hard way to manage a family. It is progressive for sure.
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Old 11-21-2011, 05:31 PM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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No, he didn't start really drinking until he joined the military(then it was binging) and then the regular alcoholic drinking started after his tour in S.Korea. He was never able to just drink one or two drinks, he always had to drink to get drunk.
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Old 11-22-2011, 01:11 PM
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Yes...he was a bartender at a bar I used to go to. Tiny bar with very few customers and it's closed now.

Weird thing was that we never really drank when we were together.
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