An update

Old 11-12-2011, 02:35 AM
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An update

Hi guys,
It has been awaile since you saw me on these boards, I guess I needed some quiet time, with no thinking of alcoholism on daily basis. However recently I feel drawn back as I feel it is time for me to start giving back. But since I'm back for few days now I guess I should write a bit of an update.

In the time I was away from here a lot has happened in my life, most importantly all those great things I was reading here for years have completelly sink in and I've reached the place where I'm truly content with myself and my life. I have gained some wisdom and got to a place from which any problem that may come my way seems as something survivable and as just another part of the life. In short I'm in peace with myself and life in general. I've lived through the hell but I'm fine with it as I gained so much from it. I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for all that. For whatever reason I was meant to walk that path and that is OK.

Also I'm pleased to say that my husband is in recovery. He checked himself in the rehab in May (we were separated for months by than) and he stayed there for 3 months. He came out the different man. I never thought that kind of change is even possible, but it seems that it is. He is in recovery for 7 months now and he is doing great. We are back living together for over a month now. It just made sense to do that. I liked the way he is now, and I liked the idea of us being a family again. I don't take any part in his recovery, it is his thing. My boundaries are firm, we are just both trying to keep our own side of the street clean. No enmashing in each other's problems, no controling each other. Just living next to each other and enjoying each other's company. If things change - things change, and we get along with our lives separately. Everything seems so simple all of the sudden, and I guess the main reason for it is I changed, I look at life from different perspective now.
I don't feel resentment for the things he did in the past, we spoke a lot about it, and I realized I'm at the point where I can forgive. So I did. Yes he has hurt me terribly but it was me who let him do it. Neither of us knew any better at the time. Now we both do. We know how preciours our kids are and we both know what we need to do, if one of us fails it is his/hers own loss.
Now the rules of the game are firmly set and there is no room for errors, only best intentions are required.
So this is where I am right now, the main point of it all is: I'd be at this peaceful content place even if I wasn't back with RAH (as I was prior to it), even if he wasn't in recovery, it is all about me, what I want, what I need, and what is best for our kids and me. RAH happens to be in the place with himself where he can be an equal, responsible, contributing part of our family, and that is great, as it makes it easier on me. With each new day of his sobriety and recovery I'm learning something new about people in general, how we all are just humans and how we all can change for the better if we put our whole hearts and minds into it. Also, each new day I respect him more for it. If he doesn't maintain the strength to stay on the right path, I'll be very sorry for him, but I'll know he is not doing it to me, only that the disease is stronger.
I spoke to him this morning actually about it all, and I said how surprised I am that he seems to be doing it so easily this time. He said that every time he tried before he wasn't aware how hard it would be so each time he slipped, but after trying so many times he realized it is extremely hard and that is the very thing that makes it easy; knowing there is no other option, no shortcuts, just that one and only path he has to stay on. Practice made it perfect, he joked. Good for him, I say.
So that is pretty much it for now. No one knows what future is going to bring but that is fine. We all can just do the best we can, nothing more and nothing less.
And another thing: I'd never be where I am today if it wasn't for you guys, so thank you so much for all your support and caring.
HUGS
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Old 11-12-2011, 03:01 AM
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You sound good, Sesh.

We do know that recovery can work, on both sides, if folks work it.

And it can transform lives.

Happy for you!

CLMI
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Old 11-12-2011, 04:59 AM
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Thanks for the update, Sesh! Great to read your story and to know that you and your husband and doing well in recovery.

Big hugs to you,
posie
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Old 11-12-2011, 06:38 AM
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What a lovely post. Thanks for sharing.
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