Rollercoaster of Emotions
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: pa
Posts: 90
Rollercoaster of Emotions
Well friends, my AH left on Friday night because i caught him having an affair. I posted about this on another thread. How do you handle the emotions? I am up one minute, down the next. Laughin, crying, feeling freedom, back to laughing and crying. UGH!
It's like I have forgotten all the terrible things and now just focus on him cheating! I know I should be thanking her, but I just feel so betrayed and slapped in the face. I have been there for him through everything and wow, this is what I get in return.
Thanks for listening,
Worriedwife2
It's like I have forgotten all the terrible things and now just focus on him cheating! I know I should be thanking her, but I just feel so betrayed and slapped in the face. I have been there for him through everything and wow, this is what I get in return.
Thanks for listening,
Worriedwife2
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
What helped me... was to stop "Should"ing on myself!!!
I found myself beating myself up for how I was feeling, "Oh, I shouldn't feel angry!" "Oh, I should feel grateful"... blah-blah-blah. I feel what I feel and that's okay. It's what I do with those feelings that really needed looking at.
Sitting on the ole pity-pot wasn't going to change my situation. Neither was raging on him for all my hurt feelings.
I didn't like the way I felt - so I had to figure out what I could change to make myself feel better. And for what it's worth - that rollercoaster of emotions... is pretty normal!! Getting myself a support system (Al-anon friends have become my staple go-to!) helped me vent all those emotions and process them in a healthy way (instead of reaching out to my AH!!).
I found myself beating myself up for how I was feeling, "Oh, I shouldn't feel angry!" "Oh, I should feel grateful"... blah-blah-blah. I feel what I feel and that's okay. It's what I do with those feelings that really needed looking at.
Sitting on the ole pity-pot wasn't going to change my situation. Neither was raging on him for all my hurt feelings.
I didn't like the way I felt - so I had to figure out what I could change to make myself feel better. And for what it's worth - that rollercoaster of emotions... is pretty normal!! Getting myself a support system (Al-anon friends have become my staple go-to!) helped me vent all those emotions and process them in a healthy way (instead of reaching out to my AH!!).
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by GettingBy 
Getting myself a support system (Al-anon friends have become my staple go-to!) helped me vent all those emotions and process them in a healthy way (instead of reaching out to my AH!!).
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 212
I read your other post just now and commented. Now I've just read this one. Please read my response there.
I know it's hard for you to see now, but he's doing you a great favor - without your even realizing it. He knows the game is up - but how long would he have kept you in the picture, had you not done the necessary detective work?
Think about this because I did. WHY would we allow them to treat us like crap and emotionally and verbally abuse us for many years - but CHEATING IS A DEALBREAKER? While they're both detrimental to the relationship, if we'd never allowed the abuse in the first place, we wouldn't have been there for the cheating. Right?
Now you'll be able to get healthy
I know it's hard for you to see now, but he's doing you a great favor - without your even realizing it. He knows the game is up - but how long would he have kept you in the picture, had you not done the necessary detective work?
Think about this because I did. WHY would we allow them to treat us like crap and emotionally and verbally abuse us for many years - but CHEATING IS A DEALBREAKER? While they're both detrimental to the relationship, if we'd never allowed the abuse in the first place, we wouldn't have been there for the cheating. Right?
Now you'll be able to get healthy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
Hey, it still hurts even when it's good for you. Like a flu shot or having a broken bone set. Like GM said, don't should on yourself and remember that it's absolutely OK to be feeling your feelings, but don't let those feelings dictate or inform your decisions or keep you from being a great mom.
Too often people make important and critical decisions emotionally when they should be making them intellectually-- especially people like me.
Take care,
Cyranoak
Too often people make important and critical decisions emotionally when they should be making them intellectually-- especially people like me.
Take care,
Cyranoak
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
NOW its time to take care of you!! yay!....go with the feelings, they are all normal..and the grieving is normal too....
do you have Melodys Beattie "the language of letting go"
i hope you get this...its a daily read..but i did read it through with alot of written stuff in my JOURNAL...i wrote and wrote and wrote....and cried and cried and cried...but do remember this:
the 3C's
you did not cause this
you can not control this
and there is no cure....
this does apply to this also!
**hugs**
do you have Melodys Beattie "the language of letting go"
i hope you get this...its a daily read..but i did read it through with alot of written stuff in my JOURNAL...i wrote and wrote and wrote....and cried and cried and cried...but do remember this:
the 3C's
you did not cause this
you can not control this
and there is no cure....
this does apply to this also!
**hugs**
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
It was my hubby's affair that finally got me into recovery about our relationship.
Al-anon really helped, for much more than the alcohol use. The process of letting go of the affair was similiar to letting go of the drinking and how I let it impact me. I have been working both simultaneously.
I read A LOT and found out that the rollarcoaster of emotions you describe is pretty normal. Some of the books about affairs that helped me were "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass and After the Affair by Janet Abrahms Spring. Getting my feelings normalized really, really helped.
Learning and reading about the grief cycle did too....I am 20months out from finding out about the affair the first time and going onto 15 months the second time and the begining of hte end of my marriage. It is not easy, but it does get better. The emotions you describe I can so relate to. I found a number of blogs about affairs that really helped too.
Al-anon really helped, for much more than the alcohol use. The process of letting go of the affair was similiar to letting go of the drinking and how I let it impact me. I have been working both simultaneously.
I read A LOT and found out that the rollarcoaster of emotions you describe is pretty normal. Some of the books about affairs that helped me were "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass and After the Affair by Janet Abrahms Spring. Getting my feelings normalized really, really helped.
Learning and reading about the grief cycle did too....I am 20months out from finding out about the affair the first time and going onto 15 months the second time and the begining of hte end of my marriage. It is not easy, but it does get better. The emotions you describe I can so relate to. I found a number of blogs about affairs that really helped too.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
