wifeypoo

He lost his wife, his daughters & his home. You would think that would be enough to make you re-evaluate your life.

This weekend he lost his job, got a DUI and smashed his car (no injuries, the accident was miraculously not his fault). You think that would scare him to take another look at his life... NOPE! Why do that when he can blame it all on me? WTF!

suki44883

Everyone's bottom is unique to them. Some felt it was their bottom without having lost everything you mention above. For some others, their bottom was death. An addict's bottom doesn't have to be an event; mine wasn't. When they reach the point where they are willing to do ANYTHING that is necessary to beat addiction, that is their bottom.

choublak

Rock bottom is a myth.

m1k3

That was not true for me as a codie. My rock bottom came at the end of a 5 day booze and ambian binge when I knew I could not take it any more. It was when the pain of staying was greater that the pain of leaving.

Because of that I moved out, found SR, joined Al-Anon. I'm now feeling pretty good about myself and my situation. I know at some point I am going to have to follow through with the divorce but right now it really isn't that important.

Your friend,

Impurrfect

I had to hit bottom as an A and as a codie. Losing my nursing career didn't do it, living as a homeless prostitute to support my crack habit didn't do it, jail didn't do it. I just finally got sick of the consequences.

That's when I realized how much being a codie had affected me, and had to hit bottom with THAT, though I'm human and I still slip, every now and then. Basically reached that bottom for similar reasons as the A one..got sick and tired of nothing changing, spending tons of energy on what someone ELSE was doing or not doing.

Had left XABF#3, as he continued to smoke crack, and HIS bottom was death.

Everyone is different. I'm at the age my mom was when she died of heart disease. Life is too short..took me 25+ years to figure that out, life still has its ups and downs, but it's pretty freeing to realize the only person's actions I can control are mine.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

neferkamichael

I can remeber "3 rock bottoms" in my 42 year addiction history. Now that I have some sobriety under my belt so to speak, rock bottom could be a lot worse for me or any user. I dont let myself forget it. Understanding that the next rock bottom could be the "last" rock bottom helpsme stay sober

dollydo

Some never reach their bottom. My exabf has not and I believe that he never will. He will die an addict and will continue to do all the dumb stuff he has done in the past.

choublak

People quit drinking not when they "hit bottom", but when they are motivated to do so. Yes, an incredible crisis can provide the motivation, but as you can see on here, sometimes people encounter multiple crises and never become motivated, and other people just wake up one day and decide they've had enough. So "hitting bottom" really has nothing to do with it.

Freedom1990

I beg to differ. Hitting bottom had everything to "do with it" for me.

Panther

According to Dr. Millam who spent his life researching and treating alcoholics - ROCK BOTTOM IS A MYTH.

But as you can tell, we have our own experts here at the forum. And they are all entitled to their opinions.

Rock Bottom can be DEATH, JAIL, the INSANE ASYLUM or PERMANENT BRAIN DAMAGE.

If you want to wait for Rock Bottom, you must realize that it could be a coffin you're waiting for. Your loved one needs help now. He needs an intervention.

Panther

suki44883

With all due respect, Dr. Millam is not an expert on ME. I'm sure there were those who thought I needed an intervention, too, but I didn't. You are free to believe whatever OPINION you want, but do not belittle my own experiences, thank you very much.

dollydo

As is Dr. Millam entitled to his opinion, many other published experts in the field of addiction have the opposite opinion, I guess we can choose to believe our own truth.

IMO you, Panther, have repeatedly expressed yourself as a self proclaimed expert in the field of addiction, what exactly are your credentials?

choublak

As have you and everyone else on here; and from what I've read, Melody Beattie doesn't really have any "credentials" either...she was a staff writer who one day decided to write about codependency. Not to mention I've seen some people on here quoting stuff from Dr. Phil and The Tyra Banks Show. What credentials do they have?

Hanginthere

I am wondering my brother has a bottom to hit. Its questionable at this point.


He's living in a house without power or water, and is exchanging link card grocery credit for booze and cigarette money while his limited link card lasts. I hope he'll run out of either a place to stay, or money to fund his drinking......and that he'lll then start to rethink my offer to take him to a detox center. Especially seeing as how its going to be near freezing here tonite.

We've already had an intervention for him and and he went through a rehab and got a job for a few months, then relapsed back into the same ol situation.

He never hit his bottom the first time as I paid his bills for him and he never really suffered and consequences............but this time its all on him.......cold weather, what he'll eat, etc.........but I continue to tell him I'll come and get him and take him to treatment whenever he's ready to go. He is always drunk and don't want to hear it, and then he gets mad.


I just pray that he does hit his bottom this time, and that its not death itself.

wanttobehealthy

I spent a long time trying to figure out what my AH's rock bottom would be, could be, and looking for signs of it bc I did not want to accept what I since have:

a) his rock bottom is nothing I can predict, see nor is it something that is any of my business to worry about and doing so just makes me crazy

b) I wanted to obsess on the rock bottom thing bc I was still stuck on wanting to believe my marriage could be what I thought my marriage would be. My rock bottom hang up was a lot more about me and my hopes for the life I wanted than it was about AH.

c) I needed to worry a lot more about my rock bottom and myself and our kids than him and when I started doing so I kind of stopped paying attn to what AH was and wasn't doing.

wanttobehealthy

Funny you say that anvil bc I have spent the past week or two struggling like mad over accepting that stbxAH is going to pull the same crap he did with me in our marriage, with his role as a dad and his daughters. I got stuck for a few days in "but you HAVE to want to be a responsible Dad" and I caught myself and talked to my sponsor and my T and friends and got myself together and am finding the lessons you all helped me learn the first time around (dealing with letting go of my idea of what my marriage was going to be) are just as applicable now. You all told me that I should expect this and I believed he was different and could still be a good dad even if he was a selfish ass of a husband, but it is a progressive disease and it does impact everything and I am feeling pretty psyched that I was able to apply recovery lessons to some really painful stuff this week. Nothing like seeing the person you loved who broke your heart turning around and doing the same things to his kids (lying, breaking promises etc...) and realizing that it breaks your heart a million times more to see your kids sad than it ever felt to be sad myself...

But anyway, I am soooo grateful for the lessons I have learned here and my recovery tools bc in spite of some tough stuff, I feel I am in a good place (and am kind of surprised by it to be honest!)

Impurrfect

Okay, one more time. SR is a place where we share our ES&H. People are entitled to their opinion, but none of us are walking in each other's shoes (though the situations ARE often similar) and no one has THE answer for what someone is going through.

We don't have to agree, but I truly don't believe discounting the experiences of others or telling them what they "should" do is not what SR is about.

(((Wifeypoo))) - I'm sorry for what you and your daughters are going through, that he continues to spiral down, but no matter what he says, it's not your fault, and we are here for you.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

likealion

My dad lost both of his feet (he hid a diabetes diagnosis because the doctor told him he needed to stop drinking) and he hasn't quit drinking. I don't know that he has rock bottom. I think with him his rock bottom will be his funeral.

I'm sorry for the pain you're feeling. You're in good company.

steelmagnolia

hey wifeypoo...he is not so special. i venture to say that most of us blamed any and everybody for the "bad" things that happened to us. i even questioned God's decisions to allow such awful things to happen to me. rock bottom...a heavy term thrown around far too lightly. for, there is no concrete explanation for anyone's rock bottom. it's definition is as unique as our own fingerprint. know this, there is absolutely nothing that you can say or do to make him seek and find sobriety. it is his fingerprint. good luck to you and yours....mags

wanttobehealthy

I hope my last post wasn't one that came across as negative-- I was actually responding positively to Anvil's statement that I appear to have come a long way... I just re-read it and realized that it might not have been clear I was being appreciative... Hope I cleared that up