Need advice on dealing with end stage alcoholic
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 3
Need advice on dealing with end stage alcoholic
I am the mother of a 34 year old alcoholic son, who I believe to be in the end stages. He has been abusing alcohol for about the last 15 years or so. In the last 10 years he has steadly declined to the point of brain damage. Without alcohol he goes into gran mal seizures and really bad dts and literally loses what little bit of mind he has left. At this point Drs have pretty much washed their hands of him and told me just to keep supplying him with alcohol and try to control the amout he drinks. I have been doing that:for abouthe past 2 years, but the situation is no longer one I can live with. I know that if I keep supplying him with the alcohol his death will be on my hands. I feel that if I don't the end result will be the same, only much faster. Don't know where to turn for help, anyone have any suggestions.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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Hello lc, and Welcome to SR!
You have found a wonderful place filled with people who truly understand.
I'm very sorry to hear about your son, and I'm sure it has been a long, rough road. I don't know that I have specific advice, but I do understand how you feel about not wanting to be responsible for your son's death by continuing to supply him with alcohol.
I don't know about the laws in your state, but perhaps there is some help you can get to assist you in caring for him. Perhaps there might be some way he can live in a nursing home......?
Others will be along soon, but I wanted you to know that you are not alone. Keep reading, keep posting, we walk with you.
HG
You have found a wonderful place filled with people who truly understand.
I'm very sorry to hear about your son, and I'm sure it has been a long, rough road. I don't know that I have specific advice, but I do understand how you feel about not wanting to be responsible for your son's death by continuing to supply him with alcohol.
I don't know about the laws in your state, but perhaps there is some help you can get to assist you in caring for him. Perhaps there might be some way he can live in a nursing home......?
Others will be along soon, but I wanted you to know that you are not alone. Keep reading, keep posting, we walk with you.
HG
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 141
Ic1950 -
I am sorry to hear about your son. Unfortunately, alcoholism is a disease that very few doctors are trained to treat, so it can be very difficult to find adequate treatment. Sometimes it takes the medical field decades to catch up, and addiction treatment is one of those areas that is in desperate need of catch up.
If I could give you advice at all, I would say to find another doctor. It may take a little investigative work to find a good one in your area, but it is the best hope for you and your son. But it may also turn out that there are none in your area, which would require travel.
I think of alcoholism as a rare form of cancer. Most doctors, even most oncologists, are not equipped to handle rare cases. They are trained to handle the "bulk" of illnesses that come their way. Because of this, often times, people have to to seek out specialists and travel to where those specialists are located.
Please do not feel guilt over your son's disease. It is something that is genetic, it is in his DNA. He did not ask for it, and you did not ask for it.
Panther
I am sorry to hear about your son. Unfortunately, alcoholism is a disease that very few doctors are trained to treat, so it can be very difficult to find adequate treatment. Sometimes it takes the medical field decades to catch up, and addiction treatment is one of those areas that is in desperate need of catch up.
If I could give you advice at all, I would say to find another doctor. It may take a little investigative work to find a good one in your area, but it is the best hope for you and your son. But it may also turn out that there are none in your area, which would require travel.
I think of alcoholism as a rare form of cancer. Most doctors, even most oncologists, are not equipped to handle rare cases. They are trained to handle the "bulk" of illnesses that come their way. Because of this, often times, people have to to seek out specialists and travel to where those specialists are located.
Please do not feel guilt over your son's disease. It is something that is genetic, it is in his DNA. He did not ask for it, and you did not ask for it.
Panther
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Location: Starting over all over again
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Hello lc, and pleased to "meet" you 
That is called "Delirium tremens" or "DT's" for short. They are caused when the level of alcohol in a person's blood goes down too fast. There are medications given to alcoholics when they are in a hospital that will prevent that from happening.
Start by getting your phone book and call the Salvation Army in the closest big city. They have the best network of recovery centers for alcoholism in the country. If you can't find them try Catholic Charities. Tell them your situation and that you need medical help for your son. Ask them what is the nearest hospital that has a "recovery center" or at least an emergency room that knows how to handle alcoholics.
Regardless of what damage has been done to his brain, he deserves a chance to live without alcohol. And you deserve a chance to live your life without being his caretaker. That's what places like the Salvation Army are for, they handle the most difficult and heart breaking cases.
Give them a call and let us know what they said.
Mike
Moderator, Sober Recovery
Originally Posted by lc1950 
... Without alcohol he goes into gran mal seizures and really bad dts and literally loses what little bit of mind he has left. ...
Originally Posted by lc1950
...Don't know where to turn for help, anyone have any suggestions. ...
Regardless of what damage has been done to his brain, he deserves a chance to live without alcohol. And you deserve a chance to live your life without being his caretaker. That's what places like the Salvation Army are for, they handle the most difficult and heart breaking cases.
Give them a call and let us know what they said.
Mike
Moderator, Sober Recovery
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Choublak, unless he is safely medically detoxing, they are advising that because without it he can die very quickly.
I am so sorry that you are going through this, lc1950. I hope that you find some place that can help your son medically detox and that both you and he find some relief from this.
I am so sorry that you are going through this, lc1950. I hope that you find some place that can help your son medically detox and that both you and he find some relief from this.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 3
Thank you all for your replies and suggestions. He had a very bad experience with detox in April. He walked out of treatment center and was on the streets for about 4 hours with very bad hallucinations. He was picked up by police and placed in hospital under court order for 2 days. Dr released him (no insurance) and would not even talk to me due to privacy laws. He was still having halucinations when released, though was better than when taken in. Since that time he refused to seek any help and says no one can detox him. He says he would rather be dead than sober. He at times is mean, verbally abusive and totally unreasonable. I have been to adult protective services to try and get help with no luck. I have tried to apply for ssi in order to get him on medicad but without his permission they will not take the application and he won't give permission because he fears being locked up in a mental hospital. I am at the end of my rope, just don't know what else to do.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 3
Was hospitalized a couple of years ago under a police section after he cut himself. I forgot to mention he is also into cutting and self abuse. His whole body is covered with scars from burning and cutting himself. Dr. again released him after a couple of days when he told Dr. he was not suicidal. He was much more lucid then and knew just what to say to get out. I have thought of having him committed but I know the system all to well. Once they find out he is not insured they will send him on his way, and say its a substance abuse problem.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 141
lc1950 -
It's worth a shot. At least it will buy you some time. Hospitals have changed much of their policies in the past several years - maybe they will keep him for longer this time.
More needs to be done in the US to treat alcoholics. It seems every other disease is paid attention to but this one. No one should be turned away from care, it's just wrong.
I'll be praying for you.
Panther
It's worth a shot. At least it will buy you some time. Hospitals have changed much of their policies in the past several years - maybe they will keep him for longer this time.
More needs to be done in the US to treat alcoholics. It seems every other disease is paid attention to but this one. No one should be turned away from care, it's just wrong.
I'll be praying for you.
Panther
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Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
He's not able to take care of himself and therefore he can be committed, you have to get him on 72hr hold as many times as possible until the state gives in. Call the police or an ambulance as much as possible until they have no choice. Ignore him about detoxing, and rather being dead - this is the disease talking. The doctors are wrong about him and I am disgusted. Lawyer up my friend. Find someone that will take your situation on pro-bono. You have more choices than you think. Write letters.... This is your child. Are you in treatment? Sorry, I'm at work and I hope this isn't coming across wrong - don't have a lot of time!!!
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Join Date: Nov 2011
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Originally Posted by 1undone
Ignore him about detoxing, and rather being dead - this is the disease talking. The doctors are wrong about him and I am disgusted.
Agree, and I am also disgusted to hear the doctors have washed their hands of it.
Seek further help.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 204
lc1950, I just wanted to say I understand how hard it is to get real help. So many people gave us advice about committing my ex-husband, who is a mentally ill suicidal alcoholic, but we were devastated time and time again to find out how little we can really do without his consent. Also, it seems all he has to do is look someone in the eye and say "I am not suicidal" and they send him on his way. It's sad because I think to get him proper care (depression, anxiety meds and so on) he'd need to be locked up for like, a year, and that is just not possible, it seems. A 72 hour just delays the inevitable. Just wanted to say I understand and it is frustrating to have all this advice and try to follow through and then be turned down and back at square one. Good luck to you.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 141
Ic1950 -
I had an experience with someone a few years back who needed psychological help. There is this group called NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Health) - which helps with guiding families and providing them with resources. It's a national organization.
They have meetings like those of AA, only difference is, usually a doctor attends the meetings (at least the ones I attended, can't say it's universal). The doctor is able to give medical advice and helps the families navigate their way through the medical system.
You can look up their website and see if they have meetings in their area. You can also call the help line and see what they advise.
Hugs,
Panther
I had an experience with someone a few years back who needed psychological help. There is this group called NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Health) - which helps with guiding families and providing them with resources. It's a national organization.
They have meetings like those of AA, only difference is, usually a doctor attends the meetings (at least the ones I attended, can't say it's universal). The doctor is able to give medical advice and helps the families navigate their way through the medical system.
You can look up their website and see if they have meetings in their area. You can also call the help line and see what they advise.
Hugs,
Panther
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Yes, check out this blog Linda could point you to the right source. The Immortal Alcoholic
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Just checked the site you recommended,truly wonderful inspiring story I am amazed since I came on this web forum,and to meet such knowlegable people about this disease, it is for me again wonderful, and helps with my recovery.As all the Topics do.
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