Help i need advice fast!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 16
Help i need advice fast!!
My ABF is right now in a detox center, he has decided not to tell anyone other than myself until it is over. I tried to talk him into telling his parents but he felt that it would be better if he told them after because his Mom is already fairly sick (Breast cancer and a pacemaker) and he did not wanting her to worry for the next 4 days or try to come visit him while he was going through this. BUT she just texted my phone and asked me to have him call her..... I can't decide if I should tell her he will be unavailable for a few days or just ignore the message and hope she doesn't try to call me... What would you do in this scenario????
Present
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: "Happy Rock" (Gladstone) Oregon
Posts: 1,360
I will tell you what I would do, which doesn't mean it's what I think YOU should do...that's your decision.
I'd tell her, "He's taking care of some things and wants to tell you about it himself." If she pressed the issue, I'd just repeat myself, "I can't say any more. He asked me not to. He wants to tell you about it himself." I love the broken record technique. It's an amazingly simple way to stay calm.
I'd tell her, "He's taking care of some things and wants to tell you about it himself." If she pressed the issue, I'd just repeat myself, "I can't say any more. He asked me not to. He wants to tell you about it himself." I love the broken record technique. It's an amazingly simple way to stay calm.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
I agree with Meredith, that is beween him and his mum. He should be the one telling her about his own issues. You're not failing anyone if you keep your distance.
Hope you're taking care of yourself.
HUGS
Hope you're taking care of yourself.
HUGS
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Litchfield Park, AZ
Posts: 317
My alcoholic felt a lot of shame about her situation when she finally went to rehab. In her case she asked me to tell her dad. Not that she was in rehab, but that she was an alcoholic...something she hadn't been willing to admit to herself until then.
I honestly wasn't sure if her dad knew or not. He lived 1,300 miles away, and my RAW went to great lengths to conceal her problem. He's elderly, and I was concerned about how he'd take it. His response was, "Yeah, her mother (deceased) and I used to wonder when she'd deal with her problem."
The moral might be "There really aren't any secrets."
Or maybe its that our secrets cost us a lot of energy and weigh us down. Exposing them to the light of day, causes them to lose their power. That being said, this isn't your secret, it's his. I liked Merideth's response, in terms of how to deal with this for the next few weeks. But in the long run he needs to face his fears. Don't feel like it's your responsibility to keep his secrets.
I honestly wasn't sure if her dad knew or not. He lived 1,300 miles away, and my RAW went to great lengths to conceal her problem. He's elderly, and I was concerned about how he'd take it. His response was, "Yeah, her mother (deceased) and I used to wonder when she'd deal with her problem."
The moral might be "There really aren't any secrets."
Or maybe its that our secrets cost us a lot of energy and weigh us down. Exposing them to the light of day, causes them to lose their power. That being said, this isn't your secret, it's his. I liked Merideth's response, in terms of how to deal with this for the next few weeks. But in the long run he needs to face his fears. Don't feel like it's your responsibility to keep his secrets.
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