interwoven

This is my first post to the forum and as I write this a very good friend of mine from 30 years ago who reached out to me for some help is lying in my bedroom passed out for the last 7 1/2 hours.

It's a long story and my emotions are just so strung out right now that I hope just typing this will help me. I am completely exhausted over the happenings in the last 48 hours and I never knew how bad alcohol addiction could be.

A girl I know from 30 years ago from, high school and college, exchanged messages on Facebook and started to correspond. I had heard she had some drinking issues over the years and she just had a first DWI and had broke probation so was sentenced to 4 months, the remainder of her sentence, and we continued to correspond through mail and phone while she was in jail. She was the sweet, kind, big hearted girl I remembered from 30 years ago and we exchanged dozens of letters, talked on the phone, and I visited her once a week. During this time I offered to pick her up when released and offered to let her stay with me for as long as she needed. Again at this point she is sober and is the girl I remember from so long ago and we remembered everything about each other. I wonder if I might have fell in love with her during this 4 months. I had been in an 11 year relationship and that ended a year and a half ago and I had moved on so it was so nice to be available and meet an old friend. We are both 48 by the way.

Well I pick her up and the first day is wonderful. She can't thank me enough and gets to enjoy a real shower and dry her hair for the first time in months. The day is awesome and we spend the day driving around the lakes and sightseeing and having a great time. The next day is just as good and then I have to go to work on the third. I had some vacation days so I took half a day and came home early to spend some time with her and that is when reality snuck back in. She was unresponsive in my living room and smells of strong alcohol. I check where I keep my liquor and she had found an old bottle of 151 rum I had had since high school, unopened, that a friend of mine gave me for graduation. Well it was open and half gone. I am terrified as I can't even get her to move or make a sound so I call 911. That's when reality struck for the second time. The paramedics arrived and knew her well. A regular they said. They calmed me down and said she would be fine. They take her to the hospital where she stays till 1:30 AM and calls me to come get her. Well I have all her clothes and she has no where to go at that hour so I go pick her up. She apologizes profusely and says she is so sorry the stress of jail etc etc it won't happen again and I'm blinded by pity at this point. Dumb me doesn't get rid of the alcohol so this morning she goes back for seconds but doesn't drink as much so that is where she lays at this time. Passed out and will wake up soon. I removed all the alcohol from the house along with the hairspray and she is going to be mad as a hornet but I hope with the well run dry I can get her to her Moms house or something where people know how to take care of her and handle her. They do help her and she does stay there when she needs to. I hate to say it I am just not built to cope with this and I feel so bad as I shouldn't have had that alcohol here. The paramedics said it wouldn't have mattered she would have found away anyways.

So I guess I am just amazed at how someone could consume that quantity of alcohol and want to go back for more. I think a half a bottle of that would have killed me. I have never been exposed to an alcoholic before and what an eye opener. I'm sure many here will say been there done that but it's so sad and heartbreaking to see such a wonderful, bright, sweet, and kind sober person turn a complete 360 when exposed to alcohol. I am at a loss and just emotionally drained more than I can ever remember in my life. Sadness, guilt, and grief all rolled into one.

So sorry for the long ramble and thank all of you for listening.

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family!

Please make yourself at home by reading as posting as much as needed. I am sorry that you have a bad weekend with an alcoholic, but glad you found a resource for support and information.

Please understand that
You did not Cause this
You can not Control this
You will not Cure this.

Those are the three C's of addiction. It helped me understand that I was powerless over my loved ones addiction. The addiction belongs to the adult addict. I was not responsible for the other adult in my relationship.

You offered to let this person from your past stay with you as long as needed. You are allowed to change your mind. You do not have to take care of and provide for this friend.

Please be prepared for any and all types of behavior when she wakes up and realizes her free ride is over. I would anticipate pity, manipulations, lies, lies of ommission as well as blame-shifting.

Please let us know how we can help you.

Justfor1

Alcoholics can drink extremely large amounts of booze. Sadly, consequences are not always enough. The paramedics were right that she would of found a way to drink.

interwoven

Well at this time she is very sick and unable to leave my house. She is shaking and vomiting for the last 24 hours. She is at least not combative and did not get irate when I told her I removed everything and anything that contains alcohol from the house, including mouthwashes, hairspray, etc. Through reading in here I know what not to say and not to say things more than once when you do say them. I laid down the rules and explained what would happen if those rules were broken. What a horrible disease to see someone you care about go through. Knowing they truly mean that they never want to drink again when they say it yet knowing that the physical addiction has other plans and will almost always win out.

As I was talking to her she asked me several times "how do you know this?" and I said I read a lot. Thanks to this forum and just sitting and reading post that repeat the same thing I learned enough for her to recognize that I had some knowledge of alcoholism though the word was never said. Thank all of you for that. I told her she has a place to stay as long as she needs but she must be sober for that to happen and if she gets drunk at my residence I will have to take her somewhere else or I will have her removed from the house. Tough love isn't called tough love because it's easy.

Again I'm just ranting and it just helps to get this out. I can't talk to any of my friends as none of them would ever understand. What a great forum this is and this is the last place I thought I would be if you ask me just 7 days ago.

nodaybut2day

Have you considered the likelihood that once she is up and about, she may very well go get drunk someplace else and come back "home" to you? I'm just saying that it would put you in the role of the alcohol police, which is a sucky role to play...

Perhaps your boundary should include any drunken behaviour whatsoever.

Justfor1

Don't forget hand sanitizer can have alcohol in it also. Hopefully, there is not a bar or liquor store within 150miles because if she wants to drink than she will find a way to get there.

Cyranoak

Please let her go and move on. you now know you were handpicked as exactly the type of enabler she was going to need when she got out. she preyed upon nostalgia and your kindness to take advantage of you and you fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

No shame in that, you didn't know anything about it nor did you see it coming. Now you do. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Good luck my friend, and please consider Alanon to learn why this happened to you, and how to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Cyranoak

TakingCharge999

Alcoholics often confuse people with paid nurses. What she has done already is enough not to accept her in your house. This will go over and over again. So sad for 911 paramedics to say she is a regular. You can't change this. Hopefully once she is out of your life you are no longer taken advantage of. For me I have been away from the alcoholic I met once and was also stunned as to how much alcohol he could tolerate. I did never got to an Analon but concepts there and here in SR have helped me to consider my wellbeing first. One thing I learned is that I am a decent person, work hard, no addictions, I deserve a peaceful home period.

Hugs.

Carol Star

The disease can be arrested if she wants treatment- but can never be cured. She is still in active addiction. I would not go get her next time if she drinks and ends up in the hospital. The disease is progressive. They say alcoholics don't have relationships/ they take hostages.