OhBoy

I'm having trouble knowing what to do when AW gets drunk. Usually by the time she's annoyingly drunk its later at night, too early to go to bed, too late to go anywhere or start anything like a project or whatever. I want to tell her how annoying her drunkenness is but don't feel it wouldn't accomplish anything positive. Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know, maybe it would help. I gets old sitting keeping silent while she has circular conversations. I don't want to ignore my wife but I definitely want to ignore alcoholic! Is this a boundary thing?

MsPINKAcres

((OB))

hate so much you are living in this situation - it is a miserable place to be!

I lived it for many many many years -

When I finally got into recovery for myself (al-anon) I learned about detaching with healthy compassion.

I learned to say "You appear to not be in the best of places right now, so I'm going to the other room for the evening." and I would not engage in a conversation with my then ah. I would close the door to the room, watch TV, read, visit on the phone with friends. Sometimes I would leave the house - just whatever was healthy for me.

As time went on my NOW ex ah refused to honor those boundaries and would not leave me alone ~ I finally had to leave that unhealthy marriage to find peace, serenity, safety and sanity.

I pray that doesn't happen for you - that both of you are able to find a workable peace in your home

PINK HUGS,
Rita

MyBetterWorld

oh yeah. Boundary thing. I remember waiting, just waiting for my XAH to just fall asleep. The circular conversations, arguments, moodswings-and he would remember none of it. If you are like me, you aren't over being upset about it yet and they have already forgotten it or never remembered it in the first place. It started as a small thing for me, but over time, added with other alcoholic annoyances (the smell, the mess, etc) it just built up until I couldn't take it anymore!
I did ignore then, at that point. I would just go to my room and read or watch tv. Eventually, I would let my daughter fall asleep in there with me, so I didn't even have to have him sleep in the bed with me.
It's no way to live, but if you find something that works for you, then run with it. I did the hide in bedroom with my daughter for about 2 years. Then I left.
Good luck.

DailyGrinder

I remember my Ex-AGF following me around if I tried to leave a situation. As far as following me into the kitchen at work (I work in a bar). It was horrible and it often pushed me to do and say mean things.

Willybluedog

How about getting a little flip video camera and tapeing the evenings events, sit down with her when she is sober and show it to her, ask her how she feels about it, how would she feel if it were you acting this way?

My only other advice would be to create your own space, lock the door, watch tv or read but make it clear you won't be around her when she is drunk.

Best of luck to you,

Bill