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The letter "A" must be stamped on my forehead!

Old 11-02-2011, 09:57 PM
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The letter "A" must be stamped on my forehead!

OMG...Dont even know where to start...Too much, Too fast
It's been hitting me like a load of bricks.

I mentor/ coach a young man that has been clean off of meth
for 1 year. He graduated this week. I told him I wouldnt miss it
for the world. Told him I would pick him up and take him to dinner
afterwards. I get: Well, I appreciate the offer, but I have things
I like to do after graduation. You know what I mean!
I told him, if he wasnt going to stay clean, I would not show up, dont
waste my time or gas...He say's: Well, it's only herb & alcohol,
I'm not a meth head anymore!.....I didnt go!! I was disappointed
in his final step, but that's okay. I stood my ground.

Then a gf of mine and her friends, are battling with losing a friendship
to alcohol. I have texted,emailed numerous literature for them to read.
Gave them direction/phone numbers/times/dates to Alanon class.
I get repeated text of heart broken words. I hear the same destruction
that I went thru. It's like dejavu...Today, I texted her...
Like it or Leave it...It's your choice. It will only get worse. I have been
trying to tell you that..Detach...Your a mess. Only you can fix you!
Havent heard from her since.

A couple of customers come into my work. Not ones that I know well
enough to openly talk to. But they started to spill their guts on their
addictions of rx drugs and wine. I told them about AA/NA class/times/dates.
Even gave them the phone numbers. Damn, I stood back and wondered
why would they come talk to me? Who sent them here?

The rehab center that my xah attended calls me and ask me to come
back and help start a new "Recovery" class, similar to Alanon.
I literally threw up. The place that I had dreams and hopes of my xah
coming home sober, clean and healthy. I couldnt go back there. I didnt
want to go back there. I threw up again before I got out of my car.
I walked in and got chills. I didnt even want to look at the stupid pictures
on the walls. My ears burned and I got numb. Five of us were there. And
all 5 were new faces. Then in walked a familiar face. I cried. It was a lady I
met there 10 months ago with one of her loved ones, that had returned
for round 2 of rehab. She hadnt been to any type of recovery class herself
since we last met. She looked like hell. We talked alot and she opened up
alot in class. I felt her fricken pain. I cried and I hugged her Good Bye.
She told me, she was sure this would be her last time there. I kept my mouth
shut, but I told myself, he's an alcoholic my dear sweet lady...

Then today, I have a customer who comes into my work. It was like
a dark raging cloud walked thru the front door. My body got instantly chilled
in his prescence. His gf kept on telling me she was sorry, for him being so rude. My blood starting to boil. The look in his eyes were strange.
He had been drinking. She told me that he was an alcoholic and she is sorry.
In 10 minutes, she said "Im sorry" 28 times. My gut feeling got deeper.
I told them that in 20 years, I have never refused anyone service, but
today was the first. He glared at me. I glared at him back with the hair on my neck standing straight up. I told him there's the freaking door, go somewhere else. She tried to tell me, that he is nice to her, but no one else. But she cant leave the house without him. She is trapped. But she loves him and he doesnt drink all of the time, like he did last month.
She told me that I sounded like her mother.
Her mother was married to an alcoholic. She got hit, beat & raped by the age of 13 by her father.
"Why do you sound just like my mother" she asked me. I told her she
needs to find a Alanon class and she needs to listen to her mother and run
as fast as she can.
Her eyes filled with tears. He got in the car and drove off leaving her standing
on the sidewalk. A few minutes later, he came back and they left.

After they left, I sat there and shook my head...Wow! What the hell just
happen? My temper went up like fire!! ......I realized today, that
I have 0 tolerance for someone drinking and glaring at me. Omg! It
shocked me. I have NEVER EVER talked to a customer like that in my entire
life. Today, it was peircing....I was so in shock with myself. I had to
leave work and take a drive to cool down and pull myself together.
Hours later, Im still shocked at myself...I wasnt just snotty, I was
plain ass mean!

I feel like I have "ALCOHOLIC" counselor stamped on my forehead
I have prayed and prayed about it.
I dont want NOTHING to do with it!
I have lived it and I have survived it
I dont want no more of it
I want it to stop

I pray some more, and the door opens again
Okay God, "Your in charge" right??

11 Months ago, I did not know what alcoholism or addiction was even
about. I was married to a alcholic and didnt even know it.
Today, my life has changed. Somedays better, somedays worse.

The month of October has been a challenge for me.
It has been one that I believe, God has given to me, wheter I like
it or not...I have learned, I have shared and I have helped educated
and enlighten others.

Like Cryonak would say: Good God, I hope November is more peaceful for me!

Cryonak wouldnt say this, but I will....I just want to run and hide!!!!
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Old 11-02-2011, 10:53 PM
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BobbyJ, so sorry for how things are going.

As you must know "you can't fix stupid" after many years in sales I know for a fact that "the customer is not always right" I have fired customers for inappropriate behavior (sexual harassment, inappropriate language, etc.) I have informed customers you do not get to cuss me!

Please hang in there, hope things improve.

Best of luck,

Bill
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Old 11-03-2011, 06:47 AM
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Hi Billy J

Just read your mail,
People do that with me,and I think too 'what are they telling me this for' !
It doesnt annoy me ,I just believe now,I have been put in a position to Pass the Word,our Experience Strength and Hope

Best wishes
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Old 11-03-2011, 07:14 AM
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Also to say too, I dont have to put up with unaccepatable behaviour either.
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Old 11-03-2011, 08:22 AM
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BobbyJ, sounds like you are being led in some very obvious ways to a destination. What that destination is remains to be seen...recovery counselor? leading your own al-anon group? a new level of tolerance? who knows? But things happen for a reason.

Why not try to embrace it and include it as part of your recovery program? See if it fits better with acceptance, versus frustration that you seem to have a following - like the Pied Piper - only yours are alcoholics and their crazed loved ones!

Then maybe it won't feel so crazy...

just my 5 cents this morning. now back to my regular cup of coffee...
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Old 11-03-2011, 08:28 AM
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are you a counselor? What is your job? Just curious, if you work in some kind of service office or something? Otherwise how are these people finding you?????
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Old 11-03-2011, 09:01 AM
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I can relate to your post.

There are days/weeks where I want to pass out my therapist's business card to most of the people I meet and/or give them a schedule of ACA meetings in my area. Since I'm an ACA, I tend to notice people from dysfunctional families more. Someone will start talking or creating drama and I think to myself, "They must come from an alcoholic home".

For me, it's sort of like being on a diet and noticing all the overweight people around me. When I quit smoking years ago, everywhere I turned I saw smokers. Since I'm working on my own recovery, I tend to notice people that need recovery. But, it's not my job to tell others what they need to do anymore than it was my job to get my father to stop drinking.

If find myself getting too distracted by other people's issues, I remind myself to keep the focus on myself and to "Let Go and Let God."

Hope November is better for you.

Warm Regards,

db
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Old 11-03-2011, 11:16 AM
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we are powerless......3 c's.....didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it.....we can go to Alanon.....
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Old 11-03-2011, 11:37 AM
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booze, pot, meth, pills- no difference- changing seats on the Titanic....going down.....you threw the lifeline.....they ignored it.....let go
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