CXR

Just wanted to reach out and say hello. With the recent storm, many meetings got canceled. I had a rough weekend. I didn't get included by some friends in some plans, and as a result, I slipped so to speak.

Started feeling dejected and rejected. Got nervous that someone or they were mad at me. I felt a bit paranoid. Alone. Lonely. My mind started to race that -- I will be divorced soon -- and if I lose these friends I will truly be alone! These are the friends I made and bonded with while I was "alienated" from my wife. I built an entire new life with these friends. And now I am feeling excluded. Very scary.

I went to a Friday night meeting. My usual Saturday morning meeting. And I spent post meeting Friday night, and all day/night Saturday at home alone. But, I did it. I did it in part because I had to and I knew I would have to do it again. I let go and faced it head on. Wasn't easy, lol, but I did it.

This week I am still living with insecurity that my friends are a bit mad. The ringleader texted me but didn't return a call of mine. I am a bit "worried" maybe a bit scared so to speak. But it is what it is. There's nothing I can do except be me. I have to embrace that I can't control other people.

So -- any Northern NJ people out there? What did the storm/weekend bring you?

One day at a time.

Mightyqueen801

Hi, I used to be in North Jersey but I've moved to Central. Saw your post and just wanted to say hello to a fellow Garden Stater. I don't go to Al-Anon meetings--went to a couple of them years ago, but by then I wasn't interested in learning how to live with my nowEX AH--I just wanted to get away from him. I just heard people going around the room talking about my exhusband with different names, and I realized that they were all exactly alike. I did find a good therapist who had worked with alkies and druggies and that helped me immensely. Saw him for about seven years.

I understand about the friends and the way you feel. My solution, which may not be yours, was to eventually amputate a lot of negative people from my life. I AM alone--and moved alone 60 miles from where any family and all but one friend live--but I have been carving out a new life for myself and slowly meeting some new people. I am still very much alone, and sometimes that bothers me; for example, if my car wouldn't start at the train station one night, or if I broke down, there is no one on the planet I could call for help except for AAA. If something happened to me in my home, like I became ill or fell and broke something--no one would miss me for probably a week. Even my only child is on the other side of the world right now. But you know what? It's OK. It's such a relief not to be spending my entire life always trying to be someone else to please everyone else.

Don't let me scare you, lol--I have never been a person that people liked much or wanted to be friends with, even as a child, so you are not likely going to end up like me. I tried so hard to be somebody else, and now I'm 53 and I know that doesn't work and that's OK. Doesn't mean your life will be the same as mine (alone most of the time). Most people are not like me. However, I just wanted to say that it's OK to decide whether or not these people are worth being in YOUR life.

GettingBy

Hi CXR!

I hear ya on the co-dependent head spin!! I can spend days/weeks/months spinning my head around worrying about what other people *might* think about me!! Madness at it's best. Seriously - how can I have any clue what somebody else is thinking?!?!

A good recent example - I had a conversation with my sponsor recently about a decision I had made. I got the impression that she disagreed with my choice! Ack - my sponsor - dissapproving of me?!?! AHH!!!! I tried calling her the next day and then the next - no response. Oh dear. My head began to spin. Was she done with me? Was my decision really that bad?!?! I drove myself nuts and when I finally talked to her... turns out she was sick and going through some stuff of her own and wasn't up to chit-chat!!

It had nothing to do with me... yet, my stinkin' thinkin' made it about me!! Ha.

Anyways... I hope the meetings return to normal for you soon!!

Thanks for letting me share,
Shannon

CXR

Thanks. Actually, I am good. Very good. Not scared. I am healthy and that's what's important. One thing I want to mention, al-anon is not just about learning how to live with an alcoholic. It's about far more, but that's a conversation for another time.

There's a difference between being alone and being lonely. A bit difference. I feel that when I focus on me, and making quality, healthy decisions -- because I am in a place where I can -- helps me make even more progress.

Thanks again.

CXR

Just did that myself!!! LOL. I didn't get invited somewhere last weekend and wrote a whole script in my head about how this friend, her BF, etc., were angry at me, didn't want me around, and so on. FOOLISH!!! LOL. She called me, misses me, invited me over, etc. -- and didn't invite me last weekend because she thought I was coming over. LOL. Mountains out of mole hills.

Thanks again.