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Does every drunk person annoy you?

Old 11-01-2011, 09:45 AM
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Does every drunk person annoy you?

I was talking to a friend a few nights ago. Someone sounded "off" a few times and then he started laughing way too hard over small things and sounded more and more "off" and everything in me wanted to scream "are you drinking?!?!?!". Instead I ended the conversation and am not eager to talk to him anytime soon (this is someone AH and were friends with and I've been friends with for years-- he was someone I thought was a healthy part of my support system and I'm questioning that now).

Am I over-reacting? I feel like my radar for someone sounding like they've been drinking is on overdrive and I am quick to jump to the conclusion that anyone who sounds drunk must have a drinking problem.

I have ZERO tolerance for people drinking right now. If their drinking leads to them sounding drunk or acting stupid in any way, I want to scream and I want to get away from them asap.

I feel like I am hyper sensitive to this and I am irritated with AH being an A and my choice to stay with him for so long and by doing so, now being totally neurotic about others' drinking to this extent.

Anyone else feel like this?
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Old 11-01-2011, 10:04 AM
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Anyone else feel like this? Very much so, I had a so called friend invite himself over last weekend. No illusions, I knew this bloke drank a lot and in the past he could be fun-but it's gone way too far, and whilst a part of me (thinking I was being liberal) would think it was funny, I now think it's just pathetic and sad. All of the above, over reacting etc -it just makes me walk away-so there's one 'friendship' consigned to the past.
Hope you are feeling a little less sad about the family situation-we all get it!
Whats a foo!!!
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Old 11-01-2011, 10:06 AM
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WTBH

I truly don't care to be around people that are DRUNK! For many years I didn't even want to be around anyone that was even drinking socially!

Life has changed for me and I am in a safer place now. I am healthier, stronger and wiser - I know that I can always leave any time I feel uncomfortable.

Two types of people I can not tolerate to be around People that are DRUNK and ANGRY people ~ both are triggers for me -

I tend to find the nearest exit and depart as fast as possible!

Finally I have learned to take care of ME!

PINK HUGS,
Rita
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Old 11-01-2011, 10:08 AM
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Oh... FOO means family of origin... but I guess I could add an L and fool in reference to much of my FOO would work too!

And in my original post someone is supposed to read something...

I was never a big drinker (I was always the DD and lame friend who didn't want to drink in college) and I have way less tolerance now than ever for the antics of drinkers...

I can enjoy a glass or two of wine without becoming a moron and I have no use for people whose personalities change when drinking and who think it's entertaining.

My friend, B from the other night, has emailed and texted me to see what's up and I am avoiding him. I don't really know how to address the issue. I don't need to make him feel judged but nor do I have any desire to talk to him...

Should I "man up" and just confront him and tell him the truth?
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Old 11-01-2011, 10:25 AM
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But for the Grace of God, there goes I,
is a constant reminder that that could
and would be me if I picked up a drink.

Im sure I was annoying to folks back
in the day and possibly today, however,
im sober and Im enjoying life and being
me to the best of my ability.

Taking life, people, places and things
with a grain of salt.

Old School talk.

Wait, im not that old.....Im still young
at heart even if im 50ish.

Happy Joyous and Free...!
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Old 11-01-2011, 11:01 AM
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WTBH,

I also get that icky feeling around people who are drinking at all and especially if they are at the drunk stage. I have a friend who drinks a. lot. and I don't even answer my phone if she's calling me after 9 p.m. I know she's probably drunk and babbling.

There are some neighbors of mine who drink from the moment they wake up until they go to sleep. I used to stop by and say hi every once in awhile. I haven't done that in a few months. This past summer, the lady asked me why I hadn't been there in awhile, and I told her that lately, I was very uncomfortable around anyone who drinks. She knew that my RABF moved out and was working on his sobriety. She said she understood. She knew I wasn't being 'judgmental' and this was about how I feel and setting my boundaries. (she's known me for years).
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Old 11-01-2011, 11:15 AM
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For me, it is not just drunk people but the kind of personality that drunk people often seem to have. Trying to be everybody's best friend, always goofing off, stupid stories/jokes, asinine observations about life, operating on the assumption that they have to share all that stupid crap with the world at large.

I didn't really realize that until you asked the question. There is this one guy at work who, to the best of my knowledge, is cold sober all the time. But he is full of smug knowledge on how the universe works, what the best kind of music is, what kinds of foods are gonna kill ya, how this or that group is running the country....it is irritating as hell. That's what gets on my nerves and my ex is a lot like that.
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Old 11-01-2011, 11:27 AM
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Drunk and angry often go together, along with pathetic. WTBH, i would be honest with your friend, if he is a friend he'll understand.
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Old 11-01-2011, 12:51 PM
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I had a friend who used to me ring me up and each time rang was rather drunk,
The next time this person rang me ,I listened to this stange conversation and said very politely,could you ring me when you are sober- that person never rang again.Could have been drink habits out -wayed having a decent conversation and friendship with me.
For me I walk in the other direction with people who drink.
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Old 11-01-2011, 05:24 PM
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Originally Posted by painterman View Post
Drunk and angry often go together, along with pathetic. WTBH, i would be honest with your friend, if he is a friend he'll understand.
I'll be honest and maybe this is unfair of me and I should give him the benefit of the doubt, but I can pretty much predict the reaction I'll get if I express concern about his drinking (or state that I just don't enjoy talking to him when he's drinking and that it's my issue to deal with, not his)... He and stbxah often drank together but I guess bc our friend wasn't my spouse, he was always decent toward me, even when AH was being a jerk-- but he drinks way too much and I'd bet money he is still AH's drinking buddy.

I know avoidance isn't a really healthy strategy but I really don't feel equipped to get a verbal from him for mentioning something about his drinking and I suspect that's what I'll get.

I'm going to give it a few days and then talk to him... Right now I am too unsettled and annoyed by it all to have a conversation be productive for either of us!
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Old 11-01-2011, 05:31 PM
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I really go out of my way to avoid annoying people - drunk or not.

And also, try myself not to be one, drunk or not!
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Old 11-01-2011, 05:41 PM
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I need to add a PS. I am feeling kind of guilty for such a judgemental-ish post. Sure I dislike hearing people talking when they are drunk (and think they are funny or witty and really it's just awkward), but I really don't need to judge them as much as it probably sounds I did in this post...

More than anything I was upset that someone I thought was a friend, someone I trusted, someone I had thought I could rely on, kind of showed me a side of himself that disturbed me and my choice is to limit my contact with him from now on. That's what I was/am bummed about. And I should have kept it specific to that and not made over arching generalizations about all drunk people...

So, just needed to say that...
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Old 11-01-2011, 06:08 PM
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WTBH-

I am wondering (be patient I don't do this part really well yet), if this is not a great opportunity for you to practice boundaries. I think one could be set without it being about your friend, but about you. That might help with the feeling judgemental also.

I have not had this with alcohol use, but I have a number of good guy friends from college who are married and I don't know their wives as well. I had to ask a couple of them to please their wives know he and I were in regular contact because right now I am super sensitive about stepping over an inappropriate line in terms of affairs. Do I think we were being inappropriate? I don't, but my radar is so sensitive right now (it is with alcohol too) that though it does not always feel rational for me it was what I needed at the time. I suspect it might be similar for you.

I can say this I felt better once I knew what I needed and was able to express it. This is experience is really helping me to "Say what I mean, mean what I say, and not say it mean."
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Old 11-01-2011, 06:09 PM
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I would say you are just super-sensitive to it all, given what you have been through. And that's natural, right?

It'll be a cold day in hell before I go to a bar on a weekend night again. But for me - that's next month, when it really becomes cold days in hell in Alaska! ; )

Kidding aside, I don't think it was judgmental as much as venting disappointment that this person let you down. But remember, people have their faults. None of us are perfect. I know I can be super annoying! Just ask my teenagers! ; )
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Old 11-01-2011, 06:14 PM
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Life Recovery-- I wanted to respond to you but am not sure I followed what you were saying... Certainly I didn't take offense to anything you said-- I just got a little confused! This guy friend of AH's and ours is someone we've been friends with forever-- there's no attraction/danger of affairs issue there... Maybe though I need to set a boundary of "please don't call if you're drinking, bc it's too much for me right now"... Is that what you meant?
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Old 11-01-2011, 06:16 PM
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TuffGirl- Yeah, I think I am super super sensitive to it for sure... A girlfriend is turning 40 this weekend and there's a group of us who get together once a month to have a few drinks/hang out. Last month everyone was getting drunk and I simply left early. I have committed to going to her surprise party on Sat night but it's going to be another drinking fest and I have no desire to be around it. That said, I have spent so long being isolated that I hate to start isolating myself again bc I feel uncomfortable with others drinking... I feel like I've gone from obsessing about AH's drinking to now obsessing about others' drinking. I hate how uncomfortable I am around drinking and I wish I weren't...
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Old 11-01-2011, 06:18 PM
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I took it as a boundary lesson and not anything else.

Here's the example of my neighbor's and my conversation:

She: I noticed you haven't come by lately like you used to and we really miss seeing you.

I: I know. I miss seeing you guys too. In setting up my new healthy family life, I've noticed I'm uncomfortable around any kind of drinking or anyone who has been drinking. I hope you understand.

She: Of course I understand! I hope we can figure out a way to see each other soon.

I: Me too. See ya!

And that was it.
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Old 11-01-2011, 06:32 PM
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Oh sorry. The affair situation was my own that I was sensitive to. I was not reading that into yours. It was the only thing I could compare to from my own life.

You hit the nail on the head about what I meant (writing is such a challenge for me). Forget that communication can be such a challenge for me.

My counseler once told me that recovery is like a pendulum, and sometimes when we are healing we swing a little wildly in the opposite direction of where we started from. Over time though we tend to correct and head to middle ground. I suspect that is a little of what we are both experiencing.
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Old 11-01-2011, 11:39 PM
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I take my grumpy resistance to people sounding drunk as a message to myself that I have issues/buttons about drinking (obviously) and I need to listen to myself and learn from my upset.
Hugs to you!
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Old 11-02-2011, 03:37 AM
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We have all had issues with drinking that have turned our lives upside down, being the kind, caring people that we are, we have all tried every rational route to put things right-only to discover that we are powerless to really change things. It's no wonder then that we are sensitive to the lunacy that comes of it, when our friends, as well as our partners get drunk.Sometimes they use the same manipulative behaviour to get what they want from the relationship, so I don't think you are being overly judgemental at all, you are just acting in a clear, rational way which makes a lot of sense.
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