New to Forum, need advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 15
New to Forum, need advice
I have been in a relationship with a wonderful man for the past 3 years. I felt he had a drinking problem but never really saw him lose control, he drank a 12 pack every night, sometimes more, sometimes other types of alcohol. We had some embarassing moments, some arguments, but nothing on a regular basis.
All that changed 2 weeks ago. In order not to make a 4 hour ordeal into a book I will give you the hightlights. We had an argument over something he said to my son, I asked him to leave because it was escalating. He started removing clothes, tvs, personal items and when I told him to please do all this during normal hours (it was 1am) he got physical. He slapped me open handed 6-7 times, pushed me down so many times I lost count, pulled a light fixture out of the wall, ripped the phone off the wall when I tried to call 911, and finally punched me (with his fist) in the face out in the yard, the neighbors heard and saw it all :0(
I am not asking for your sympathy, I am seeking advice! Since I have NEVER encountered such trauma before I do not know if "I''m sorry" is enough. He has sobered up and since started going to AA meetings. I love him, but will always wonder if this will happen again. I am not confrontational so this is the first fight we have really had.
Everyone tells me I should not even be talking to him but its hard to turn my back on anyone, especially in a time of need. He has no one, he owns nothing, and says he loves me more than the drink itself. I have never dealt with drug or alcohol addiction, and I have never been struck by a man. I love my friends and family but they dont know what its like so I am asking all of you, am I delusional????
All that changed 2 weeks ago. In order not to make a 4 hour ordeal into a book I will give you the hightlights. We had an argument over something he said to my son, I asked him to leave because it was escalating. He started removing clothes, tvs, personal items and when I told him to please do all this during normal hours (it was 1am) he got physical. He slapped me open handed 6-7 times, pushed me down so many times I lost count, pulled a light fixture out of the wall, ripped the phone off the wall when I tried to call 911, and finally punched me (with his fist) in the face out in the yard, the neighbors heard and saw it all :0(
I am not asking for your sympathy, I am seeking advice! Since I have NEVER encountered such trauma before I do not know if "I''m sorry" is enough. He has sobered up and since started going to AA meetings. I love him, but will always wonder if this will happen again. I am not confrontational so this is the first fight we have really had.
Everyone tells me I should not even be talking to him but its hard to turn my back on anyone, especially in a time of need. He has no one, he owns nothing, and says he loves me more than the drink itself. I have never dealt with drug or alcohol addiction, and I have never been struck by a man. I love my friends and family but they dont know what its like so I am asking all of you, am I delusional????
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 588
Yes.
Reread your post. Pretend your sister or daughter wrote it.
There is lots of information here about alcoholism and abuse. Please make yourself comfortable and read and read. The "stickies" at the top of the page are deemed worthwhile enough to keep handy. Check these out on the Friends and Family pages of both alcoholics and addicts. Seek out "why he does that".
Maybe ask yourself: why does he have no one? and owns nothing?
There are also lots of "threads" both old and new where you will find your story lived by someone else here. You will know you are not alone.
So sorry for why you are here. I am glad you found this Site.
Reread your post. Pretend your sister or daughter wrote it.
There is lots of information here about alcoholism and abuse. Please make yourself comfortable and read and read. The "stickies" at the top of the page are deemed worthwhile enough to keep handy. Check these out on the Friends and Family pages of both alcoholics and addicts. Seek out "why he does that".
Maybe ask yourself: why does he have no one? and owns nothing?
There are also lots of "threads" both old and new where you will find your story lived by someone else here. You will know you are not alone.
So sorry for why you are here. I am glad you found this Site.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
Please pull out your keyboard and make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. You are not alone.
You have found a wonderful resource of information and support. We understand.
This is from a permanent (sticky) post located at the top of the forum. It contains steps that helped me while living with an alcoholic.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
I also recommend finding local Alanon meetings for face to face support. It has helped me learn to make healthy choices for myself and my children. Living with alcoholism caused me to doubt myself. Living with alcoholism is chaos.
Your friends are encouraging you to go NC (no contact) with the alcoholic. That is a good idea. It allowed me to focus on my priorities (my children that depend on me, and myself) and allowed the alcoholic to work out his own issues. I encourage you to stop taking his calls, stop reading texts and emails for 24 hours. See how you feel during that time. Then give yourself another 24 hours. Take it one day at a time.
The adult alcoholic can take care of himself. He can find help and support through AA and the Salvation Army. The best source of support for him is professionals or people that have experience with recovery from alcoholism
Your child needs your support. Our children depend on us to make healthy decisions that protect them from unacceptable behavior.
I left/divorced my alcoholic. I realized my staying was setting an unhealthy relationship example for my children. I did not want my daughters to accept what I was accepting, and I did not want my son to think it was okay to treat a woman the way I was being treated.
Sending you hugs and encouragement as you find your way!
Please pull out your keyboard and make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. You are not alone.
You have found a wonderful resource of information and support. We understand.
This is from a permanent (sticky) post located at the top of the forum. It contains steps that helped me while living with an alcoholic.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
I also recommend finding local Alanon meetings for face to face support. It has helped me learn to make healthy choices for myself and my children. Living with alcoholism caused me to doubt myself. Living with alcoholism is chaos.
Your friends are encouraging you to go NC (no contact) with the alcoholic. That is a good idea. It allowed me to focus on my priorities (my children that depend on me, and myself) and allowed the alcoholic to work out his own issues. I encourage you to stop taking his calls, stop reading texts and emails for 24 hours. See how you feel during that time. Then give yourself another 24 hours. Take it one day at a time.
The adult alcoholic can take care of himself. He can find help and support through AA and the Salvation Army. The best source of support for him is professionals or people that have experience with recovery from alcoholism
Your child needs your support. Our children depend on us to make healthy decisions that protect them from unacceptable behavior.
I left/divorced my alcoholic. I realized my staying was setting an unhealthy relationship example for my children. I did not want my daughters to accept what I was accepting, and I did not want my son to think it was okay to treat a woman the way I was being treated.
Sending you hugs and encouragement as you find your way!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 15
I feel like crying......
Only two have posted so far, but you said everything I secretly knew! I almost cried to have you validate my feelings, and the things I must do. He has all the right words and not having contact with him is hard but I see (through others that have actually lived it) that it is the right thing to do.
I will spend the evening reading posts as you suggested. I will take the time to find myself (I am not over the night of abuse). My world has shattered and I dont know who or what I am right now. I thought I knew him, I know I loved him, and he knows all my insecurities.
Thank you so much for you quick resonse, I feel so all alone.
I will spend the evening reading posts as you suggested. I will take the time to find myself (I am not over the night of abuse). My world has shattered and I dont know who or what I am right now. I thought I knew him, I know I loved him, and he knows all my insecurities.
Thank you so much for you quick resonse, I feel so all alone.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Welcome mellowchic!
((((((((hugs))))))))
You are so not alone! Be gentle with yourself for the next few days - physical violence is so shocking to the psyche and coming out of denial is very very painful.
There is usually always someone here to connect with. Do keep reaching out!!
Peace,
B
((((((((hugs))))))))
You are so not alone! Be gentle with yourself for the next few days - physical violence is so shocking to the psyche and coming out of denial is very very painful.
There is usually always someone here to connect with. Do keep reaching out!!
Peace,
B
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
Welcome mellowchic, I am so sorry for all that you are going through.
As the son of violent parents and husband of a violent wife in my first marriage I am telling you it will not work unless.
1) he stops drinking, not cuts back, stops and never drinks again.
2) Attends anger management.
3) He attends AA.
4) He attends counseling.
It may not work anyway, but if after a year of no contact he has dried out, attended his meetings, completed anger manangement, maybe he could contact you and you could see how it goes.
If you let him back into your life without him doing this he may hurt you or your child very badly.
Please think about this before you let your sympathy get one of you seriously injured.
Will be happy to listen if you need to vent or need a shoulder to lean on.
Best of luck to you,
Bill
As the son of violent parents and husband of a violent wife in my first marriage I am telling you it will not work unless.
1) he stops drinking, not cuts back, stops and never drinks again.
2) Attends anger management.
3) He attends AA.
4) He attends counseling.
It may not work anyway, but if after a year of no contact he has dried out, attended his meetings, completed anger manangement, maybe he could contact you and you could see how it goes.
If you let him back into your life without him doing this he may hurt you or your child very badly.
Please think about this before you let your sympathy get one of you seriously injured.
Will be happy to listen if you need to vent or need a shoulder to lean on.
Best of luck to you,
Bill
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 15
but he says we can do it together.......
I have to clarify something so that you arent mislead, my son is 22 years old and can certainly take care of himself, I merely didnt want to see anyone hurt that night (not realizing it was going to be me) and to difuse the situation.
I orignally thought that he should get his act together and then when he has been sober, gets a job, and gets a lot of other issues straightened out we could give it a try again. He says we can work on our relationship while he is working through his issues, and insists on talking every day, multiple times a day. I have forgiven him for that night, but you are right, I am having trouble dealing with how I got to this place and allowed it to happen to begin with. I am scared to be alone and even more scared I will end up with something worse.
To be sure that I am understanding everyones advice, this is not the time I need to support him?
Someone suggested Alanon; is that for families? I have just gotten online so I will read other posts but in the meantime, thank you for the kind words of support at a time I needed it most. I dont know how I found this site, but am thankful I did. :ghug3
I orignally thought that he should get his act together and then when he has been sober, gets a job, and gets a lot of other issues straightened out we could give it a try again. He says we can work on our relationship while he is working through his issues, and insists on talking every day, multiple times a day. I have forgiven him for that night, but you are right, I am having trouble dealing with how I got to this place and allowed it to happen to begin with. I am scared to be alone and even more scared I will end up with something worse.
To be sure that I am understanding everyones advice, this is not the time I need to support him?
Someone suggested Alanon; is that for families? I have just gotten online so I will read other posts but in the meantime, thank you for the kind words of support at a time I needed it most. I dont know how I found this site, but am thankful I did. :ghug3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 15
you are right, especially since I have never experienced it. I am an educated person who has given other similar advice. It is so damaging that I dont even trust myself anymore. I dont think I will ever be the same person
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Even at 22, you don't want your son treating his life partner the way you were treated, right?
(((hugs))) My children were teens when I left. Whatever the age, they still look to us as examples for relationships - personal and professional.
If I read correctly, your gut told you to let him go and try again later if he was sober, recovering, employed, and tackling anger management, yes? I think you are a smart lady!
It's the alcoholic manipulation, blame-shifting, guilt tripping, helplessness and denial that get us so miscombobulated that we don't know if we are coming or going. Alanon meetings will help, SR will help and self-improvement books will help you learn to sort the truth from the quacking. Quacking is what we call alcoholic speaking. I prefer to picture the big white AFLAC duck quacking when I hear an alcoholic talk about how hard life has treated them, how misunderstood they are, how victimized they are, how helpless they are, (plus how forgetful, irresponsible, disrespectful, etc.. I digress)
In reality, you and he are speaking two different languages. You are talking from a rational, sober viewpoint. He is talking from a self-centered, egotistical, irrational viewpoint.
What's the solution? Take the focus off the alcoholic and start to focus on yourself. Listen to your gut. Look at what your life has become. What do you need to do to take care of you today?
Please be gentle with yourself. It was a shock when I started looking at myself and what I had become. I didn't like what I saw. I had to forgive myself, and give myself patience, love and understanding to find a better way to love myself.
SR, Alanon meetings and self-help books were the tools that guided me along a healthier path.
(((hugs))) My children were teens when I left. Whatever the age, they still look to us as examples for relationships - personal and professional.
If I read correctly, your gut told you to let him go and try again later if he was sober, recovering, employed, and tackling anger management, yes? I think you are a smart lady!
It's the alcoholic manipulation, blame-shifting, guilt tripping, helplessness and denial that get us so miscombobulated that we don't know if we are coming or going. Alanon meetings will help, SR will help and self-improvement books will help you learn to sort the truth from the quacking. Quacking is what we call alcoholic speaking. I prefer to picture the big white AFLAC duck quacking when I hear an alcoholic talk about how hard life has treated them, how misunderstood they are, how victimized they are, how helpless they are, (plus how forgetful, irresponsible, disrespectful, etc.. I digress)
In reality, you and he are speaking two different languages. You are talking from a rational, sober viewpoint. He is talking from a self-centered, egotistical, irrational viewpoint.
What's the solution? Take the focus off the alcoholic and start to focus on yourself. Listen to your gut. Look at what your life has become. What do you need to do to take care of you today?
Please be gentle with yourself. It was a shock when I started looking at myself and what I had become. I didn't like what I saw. I had to forgive myself, and give myself patience, love and understanding to find a better way to love myself.
SR, Alanon meetings and self-help books were the tools that guided me along a healthier path.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
mellowchic,
As the child (49) of an alcoholic mother (40+ years), I am still dealing with the issues surrounding my mothers drinking and how it affects our family.
Your son may be able to physically defend himself but is he prepared to mentally defend himself? If my father had beat my mother like your husband beat you I probably would have went after him with a bat!
It is very hard for a child to not "eat" the blame of a parent being an alcoholic, please suggest to him that he join the adult children of alcoholics section of the sober recovery website. Your son needs to be with people who have walked this road, he may be feeling guilty about not protecting you and about how he feels about his fathers drinking.
I hope both of you will seriously consider al-anon and counseling.
Peace be with you,
Bill
As the child (49) of an alcoholic mother (40+ years), I am still dealing with the issues surrounding my mothers drinking and how it affects our family.
Your son may be able to physically defend himself but is he prepared to mentally defend himself? If my father had beat my mother like your husband beat you I probably would have went after him with a bat!
It is very hard for a child to not "eat" the blame of a parent being an alcoholic, please suggest to him that he join the adult children of alcoholics section of the sober recovery website. Your son needs to be with people who have walked this road, he may be feeling guilty about not protecting you and about how he feels about his fathers drinking.
I hope both of you will seriously consider al-anon and counseling.
Peace be with you,
Bill
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello Mellowchic, Welcome to SR!
I'm sorry you lived through such violence.....and in all the time I have spent on these boards, alcohol is no excuse for it. There are many, many people who struggle with their drinking and never become violent.
I hope that you will see that you do not deserve to be on the receiving end of slapping, punching, out of control rage. What you experienced was physical abuse, and you nor anyone else deserves it.
Please know that you have options and choices. This link contains the phone number of the national domestic abuse hotline as well as a link with state-by-state information.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Welcome, again. You have found a wonderful place filled with people who "get it".
Hugs, HG
I'm sorry you lived through such violence.....and in all the time I have spent on these boards, alcohol is no excuse for it. There are many, many people who struggle with their drinking and never become violent.
I hope that you will see that you do not deserve to be on the receiving end of slapping, punching, out of control rage. What you experienced was physical abuse, and you nor anyone else deserves it.
Please know that you have options and choices. This link contains the phone number of the national domestic abuse hotline as well as a link with state-by-state information.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Welcome, again. You have found a wonderful place filled with people who "get it".
Hugs, HG
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 68
Originally Posted by mellowchic 
Only two have posted so far, but you said everything I secretly knew! I almost cried to have you validate my feelings, and the things I must do. He has all the right words and not having contact with him is hard but I see (through others that have actually lived it) that it is the right thing to do.
I will spend the evening reading posts as you suggested. I will take the time to find myself (I am not over the night of abuse). My world has shattered and I dont know who or what I am right now. I thought I knew him, I know I loved him, and he knows all my insecurities.
Thank you so much for you quick resonse, I feel so all alone.
I will spend the evening reading posts as you suggested. I will take the time to find myself (I am not over the night of abuse). My world has shattered and I dont know who or what I am right now. I thought I knew him, I know I loved him, and he knows all my insecurities.
Thank you so much for you quick resonse, I feel so all alone.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
I agree with the other posters who are warning you that alcoholism is a chronic disease that ALWAYS gets worse... this is what you experienced. The spiral downward starts to speed up usually and the "honeymoon" is over and the alcohol will start to take more and more control of your friend's brain and irrational thought patterns.
I am in the criminal justice business for over 30 years and have had contact with thousands of woman who have been victims of domestic violence. Alcohol is very often part of that picture and violent men who start hitting a partner rarely stop... especially if there few consequences as in this case.
If you do not want to sever all contact (not recommended) at least create no alcohol boundaries with him. If he wants to continue to drink (likely) RUN as fast as you can in the opposite direction and do not look back!
If he gives lip service to recovery (what most do) do not melt in his arms. Look for EVIDENCE (checkbook, time, resources) devoted to serious, serious recovery. Insist upon anger management course and ongoing counseling with a professional well versed in addiction and domestic violence.
Please get involved with al-anon... read, read, read and read some more about alcoholism, codepenceny and violent men.
You are up to neck in alligators but they are cruising underwater and you just don't see all of them ... you just got a little nip by a baby gator so far! Climb back in the boat and keep your eyes open.
YOu are in my thoughts and prayers...
I am in the criminal justice business for over 30 years and have had contact with thousands of woman who have been victims of domestic violence. Alcohol is very often part of that picture and violent men who start hitting a partner rarely stop... especially if there few consequences as in this case.
If you do not want to sever all contact (not recommended) at least create no alcohol boundaries with him. If he wants to continue to drink (likely) RUN as fast as you can in the opposite direction and do not look back!
If he gives lip service to recovery (what most do) do not melt in his arms. Look for EVIDENCE (checkbook, time, resources) devoted to serious, serious recovery. Insist upon anger management course and ongoing counseling with a professional well versed in addiction and domestic violence.
Please get involved with al-anon... read, read, read and read some more about alcoholism, codepenceny and violent men.
You are up to neck in alligators but they are cruising underwater and you just don't see all of them ... you just got a little nip by a baby gator so far! Climb back in the boat and keep your eyes open.
YOu are in my thoughts and prayers...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 436
My therapist explained to me that abusive and alcoholic are two completely separate entities. She had experience of working with abusive prisoners who would say that they wouldn't have robbed a bank in they hadn't been drinking or beat their GF or wife because they had been drinking. My therapist went on to say that many men drink alcohol (alcoholics or not) and do not rob banks or abuse and would never dream of it. The abuse comes from their own core morals, beliefs and values that makes it acceptable to them to abuse.
Most men would agree that abusing a woman is completely distasteful and cowardly, this comes from their own core morals, beliefs and values.
A good book that I recommend is called 'Why Does He Do That. Inside the minds of angry and controlling men' by Lundy Bancroft.
Basically, your bf has two problems to deal with - the alcohol and the abuse. Both require a lot of therapy and a lot of time to deal with and recover from - serious recovery. It certainly isn't as simple as saying 'sorry'.
Incidentally, does your 22yr old son know about the physical abuse? What is his opinion? My daughter was great at telling me bluntly 'why do you put up with him, leave him' etc after witnessing her dads alcoholic bouts and I know I disappointed her, staying with him for way longer than I should have for both of our sakes.
Most men would agree that abusing a woman is completely distasteful and cowardly, this comes from their own core morals, beliefs and values.
A good book that I recommend is called 'Why Does He Do That. Inside the minds of angry and controlling men' by Lundy Bancroft.
Basically, your bf has two problems to deal with - the alcohol and the abuse. Both require a lot of therapy and a lot of time to deal with and recover from - serious recovery. It certainly isn't as simple as saying 'sorry'.
Incidentally, does your 22yr old son know about the physical abuse? What is his opinion? My daughter was great at telling me bluntly 'why do you put up with him, leave him' etc after witnessing her dads alcoholic bouts and I know I disappointed her, staying with him for way longer than I should have for both of our sakes.
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
Originally Posted by Eight Ball
A good book that I recommend is called 'Why Does He Do That. Inside the minds of angry and controlling men' by Lundy Bancroft.
There's also a book study for this in the forum, you may learn a lot:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-chapters.html
You're not alone.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Oh my.
Ok, having been abused by my XAH (ex alcoholic hubby) in every way EXCEPT physical, I find myself questioning *why* you would want to give a second chance to the person who slapped you several times and punched you. I'm with EightBall...alcoholism and abuse are two different things...and I have trouble believing that simply getting sober and working on recovery will change your boyfriend's abusive tendencies. (As an aside....Though I know that it IS possible to recover from an addiction, I still am not sure if it is possible for an abuser to stop being abusive...I have seen a single instance of it, and it took the individual in question 20 years of therapy and medication, on top of quitting all his drugs of choice and getting heavily involved in addiction therapy, before things started going well. He is 63 now. )
When I was nose deep in my abusive marriage, I didn't realize just how much I was overlooking in my XAH's behaviour. He wasn't just throwing things at my head; he was also gaslighting me like there was no tomorrow, undermining my confidence at every turn, stealing my money to keep me trapped, and threatening to reveal "secrets" to others to keep me compliant. It's only after I started seeing a social worker and later on, an abuse counsellor, that I realize just how skewed my thinking was. I used to think, "he didn't mean it", "he is just stressed/drunk/tired/had a hard life/ect", and "I must have done something to trigger him"...I had swallowed down all the excuses he gave me and was spewing them out as if they were god's own truth.
Before you do anything, I would call the National Domestic Violence Hotline and talk to someone there about finding a local ressource in your area. It's free and open 24 hrs a day.
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Or you can see if your work's EAP can offer you support...I had a lovely counsellor do over the phone sessions with me that really helped.
I do hope you keep coming back here and reading and posting as much as you need. SR is always open. You are not alone.
Ok, having been abused by my XAH (ex alcoholic hubby) in every way EXCEPT physical, I find myself questioning *why* you would want to give a second chance to the person who slapped you several times and punched you. I'm with EightBall...alcoholism and abuse are two different things...and I have trouble believing that simply getting sober and working on recovery will change your boyfriend's abusive tendencies. (As an aside....Though I know that it IS possible to recover from an addiction, I still am not sure if it is possible for an abuser to stop being abusive...I have seen a single instance of it, and it took the individual in question 20 years of therapy and medication, on top of quitting all his drugs of choice and getting heavily involved in addiction therapy, before things started going well. He is 63 now. )
When I was nose deep in my abusive marriage, I didn't realize just how much I was overlooking in my XAH's behaviour. He wasn't just throwing things at my head; he was also gaslighting me like there was no tomorrow, undermining my confidence at every turn, stealing my money to keep me trapped, and threatening to reveal "secrets" to others to keep me compliant. It's only after I started seeing a social worker and later on, an abuse counsellor, that I realize just how skewed my thinking was. I used to think, "he didn't mean it", "he is just stressed/drunk/tired/had a hard life/ect", and "I must have done something to trigger him"...I had swallowed down all the excuses he gave me and was spewing them out as if they were god's own truth.
Before you do anything, I would call the National Domestic Violence Hotline and talk to someone there about finding a local ressource in your area. It's free and open 24 hrs a day.
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Or you can see if your work's EAP can offer you support...I had a lovely counsellor do over the phone sessions with me that really helped.
I do hope you keep coming back here and reading and posting as much as you need. SR is always open. You are not alone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 15
wow, I feel comfort hearing my inner feelings validated. I have been in denial thinking I could help him through this because I love the "sober" him. (that would be the days he didnt drink as much). I have taken your advice, and discontinued all contact. For once in my life I have to put myself first;for the sake of me and my children! Only one of my three children know of the abuse (the one that was there in the beginning) and he cant fathom how I can forgive him, we have been talking about it since it happened. I think thats because no one else knows (except my poor mother, who was helpless) I was married for 24 years to their father and suffered mental abuse and verbal abuse and after a nasty divorce I fell right back into the same pattern. All it took was the right words and for someone to identify my insecurties.
I see now that I have issues of my own to deal with. You have all pointed out things I have seen with my BF in the past two years that should have been big red flags, but I must admit, I ignored those signs and looked the other way.
Right now I am doing well to get through the day, for weeks I have been busy trying to forget what happened but the shocking thing is, I cant. I cant hold a conversation with others because my mind is blank, its difficult to laugh, or cry, or sometimes move. I know I am putting on a good front and no one sees how bad I feel inside for allowing myself to get where I am in life. Im a nurse, I own a house, have raised 3 great kids, pay my bills and basically want for nothing, but inside I am a mess! Being hit and pushed around made me realize how vulnurable I am against the strength of a man.
Reading the stickies is a real eye opener, it forces me to realize I must "move" and do something to help myself heal, so that I can set a good example for my children. Thank you all for your kind words, I cant say it enough, and I will be back night after night to re-absorb your positive energy. I can honestly say, I am taking one day at a time.
I see now that I have issues of my own to deal with. You have all pointed out things I have seen with my BF in the past two years that should have been big red flags, but I must admit, I ignored those signs and looked the other way.
Right now I am doing well to get through the day, for weeks I have been busy trying to forget what happened but the shocking thing is, I cant. I cant hold a conversation with others because my mind is blank, its difficult to laugh, or cry, or sometimes move. I know I am putting on a good front and no one sees how bad I feel inside for allowing myself to get where I am in life. Im a nurse, I own a house, have raised 3 great kids, pay my bills and basically want for nothing, but inside I am a mess! Being hit and pushed around made me realize how vulnurable I am against the strength of a man.
Reading the stickies is a real eye opener, it forces me to realize I must "move" and do something to help myself heal, so that I can set a good example for my children. Thank you all for your kind words, I cant say it enough, and I will be back night after night to re-absorb your positive energy. I can honestly say, I am taking one day at a time.
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