itsjustme1968

My AH stopped drinking for a month. Last night I called my daughter at 8 pm. She said her dad was already sleeping. I asked if he was drinking she did not know. Today I went over there went to throw something away
the trash was filled with beer bottles. I really hoped It would take this time.
I have been with him for 25 years. I moved out 3 months ago. I have been working on myself. I went to my first alanon meeting Monday. It really hurts that he only did a month. I was hoping maybe in 6 months or a year we could try again. I will just drive on on my own path. I cant wait forever. I am not looking for another man to take his place. That is years away. I got to keep my mind busy cuz I know he is out with his biker buddys. I worry about him when he rides and drinks.

dollydo

Accept what you cannot change. He is an adult and as such will live his life as wants to.

You have the same option, live your life as you desire to.

Worrying about him accomplishes nothing, all it does is keep you trapped. What happens will happen whether you waste your time worrying about it or not.

I am sure that you can spend your time more productivily.

jessiec

How old is your daughter? If she's young, sounds like you really have a reason to be concerned!

itsjustme1968

My daughter is almost 17. She only spends half the time there so she has a ride to the bus stop. I know he is an adult. I just dont worry when he is not drinking. The detatching thing is harder when he is drinking. 25 years of watching over him I know I need to let go of it. There is nothing I can do.

dollydo

Worrying becomes a habit and it is a difficult one to overcome. I use to worry about my alcoholic mother, she is almost 86 and has been drinking for for over 65 years.
I finally had to let go, I was worrying about her well being and all the time she was tossing em down...I finally woke up and turned her over to my HP, and moved on with my life. I cannot control her bad choices and what happens because of them, it will happen whether I worry or not.

You have programmed yourself to worry when he is drinking, what did your compulsive worrying change...25 years later? My guess would be...nothing.

itsjustme1968

You are right. Im trying to change. I moved out. I feel at peace in my house. I am doing it own my own. That makes me proud. I am reading here everyday. I have leared alot. I am slowly doing more for myself. Next week 2 days a week working out at least 1 meeting. and start yoga.. I am going to fill my time so I cant think of him all the time. I speak to my HP alot more than I have been. Its starting. I do walk away from him when he is mean and go home or send him home. We have 3 daughters together and a grand daughter too. I got to let go of the dream. I know that.

wifeofanACoA

You sound like you're doing really well and taking care of YOU. Good job. We could all use a little bit of that sometimes.

dollydo

Progress not perfection! Have a great weekend!