myfreedom

OK, so yesterday he goes to work, and doesn't come home till 3am this morning. Drinking with friends. He is so stressed because nothing in his life goes right. BOO HOO....... He made an appointment to speak with a Pastor for us? Well I will not be able to get off of work and why do I need to speak with him. He tried the " why should I bother living" and I'm just a piece of ****, my kids don't even wanna talk to me" crap. Then he is texting me this morning and says that he forgot I am miss perfect and do no wrong. I should get over myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF is his problem?? Why can't I just walk away from all his craziness?

m1k3

Hi myfreedom.

Something to consider. You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. Simple as that. He will either get better or he won't and it doesn't have anything to do with you. Also, if he is going to get better he will do it when he is ready and not one second sooner, also nothing to do with you.

What you can do is work on your self. Al-Anon literally saved my life. I was at a point where I thought death was the only way this pain would stop. I hadn't got to the point of considering suicide yet but looking at how I was thinking then I could see it happening. Finally after her last binge I moved out, started here and started al-anon. I am happy and centered and very content with my life. I have worked hard on the program and the program works. As you can tell by the posts of a lot of people here,.

So, since you can't change him go to al-anon and change yourself for the better. Try more than one meeting because they are all somewhat different. Also stick it out for at least 6 meetings. I can tell you from experience it is well worth it.

Your friend,

wicked

For me, this was the only life I knew. Crazy, chaos, eggshells, depression, rages, cold silences, and the aroma of alcohol (either being consumed or oozing out of pores) surrounding it all.

I like how Anvilhead put it. Look for the way out. Look for the door. Think outside of the box you are in.
I know how very hard it is to change. It begins and ends with you (me).

Beth

myfreedom

I know getting out is the right thing to do. I am just having such a terrible time letting go. I don't know how, even after everything done. I am guessing it is the low self esteem that I now have of myself, thanks to him. I have got to get thru this, one way or another.

fedup3

take a deep breath and you don't have to do anything right at this moment. I understand the overwhelming feeling like your head is spinning and you feel alone, but you're not we're here and there is a way out. I'm 60 and never lived by myself until the last 2 months and it's been life changing. You can begin to make a plan for you and your children, whether he commits to recovery or not.

SoaringSpirits

myfreedom, I can relate to the pain you are experiencing. It took me a lot of time to process, and for me the most helpful thing was to read a ton and really educate myself about the dynamics of alcoholism. Once I was more educated I realized that my situation was not unique at all, even down to the things my AH said to me. Reading other stories here on SR, I saw my own life. Read the stickies at the top of this forum, read everything you can find at the library, attend some Al Anon meetings, and keep reading here on SR.

A really helpful book for me was "Codependent No More." In particular, I read the chapter titled "Detachment" several times over. It really presented me with a roadmap for cultivating healthy detachment that helped me get enough distance from my situation that I could make better choices for myself and my kids.

Be patient with yourself. You are grieving and processing a lot of information and a rather stark and bleak reality that you have squashed down for a long time. It takes time to disentangle, but you can do it. I will *always* grieve the loss of my beautiful husband and our partnership, but with some distance I can see that it's much better for me to step away and grieve what once was rather than continue to live with chaos and pain.

myfreedom

It has been way too long since my last post. I got laid off right before Christmas and ended up going back to AH. Things were ok for alittle. No more physical abuse but still drinking. In May he quit his job because it was" too stressful". Nothing lined up. Went till end of July till he found something. Started on a Monday, well Wednesday nite decided he needed to drink so couldn't go to work already on Thursday. Went in on Friday and that nite trips in the dark and fractures his ankle. Needless to say he lost that job. I am getting unemployment but not enough. Still not working but has no problem drinking. Last Friday nite he was with his friends and said someone gave him a taste of liquor and it didn't set right with him as soon as he swallowed it. HE ACTUALLY THREW UP ON HIMSELF!!!! That is just totally pathetic. I haven't even washed those clothes, they are laying in the basement. On top of that, it took him till Monday to shower!!! And we have been gone sine noon today and not home yet. So I am back on the roller coaster and hating it. Hoping I can get out soon but don't know how.

fourmaggie

ACTIONS do speak louder than words...

IMO, if you are out of the house, let him move forward into his recovery without you at this point...and you and the kids as well start your recovery...