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Threats of suicide.

Old 10-24-2011, 03:13 PM
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Threats of suicide.

So, I am sitting at work today and my cell beeps a text (I have to keep it turned on in case daycare or school need to get a hold of me) and it's my XAH, threatening suicide (again) and telling me where to go pick up his stuff once he is dead.
I will start by saying that, although I should go NC, I haven't. Our girls want to talk to him on the phone (which I supervise)
Then, an hour later, another text that once again, a friend of his paid for a motel room (he was there, on the verge of homelessness), so once again, he is saved from hitting what might be his bottom. He has threatened suicide to me and others, several times in the past few weeks. As far as I am concerned, it is him crying wolf each and every time, which he has proven again.
I am proud to say that finally, for the first time, I did not respond. I did NOTHING. I am so extremely frustrated though, that everytime he nears bottom, another person pops up and saves the day. I feel like this is never going to end. Furious doesn't even begin to describe my emotions right now.
That's it. Just needed to vent that one.
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Old 10-24-2011, 03:25 PM
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All suicide threats should be taken seriously, but only so far as calling 911 and reporting his threat if you know where he is. If you don't know, then you can't report it, but if he's serious, then let the professionals handle it. If he isn't, then he'll think twice about pulling a stunt like that again.
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Old 10-24-2011, 03:27 PM
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We have called 911 4 times in the last month (his mom or I) He flips this switch, and literally, we get the "really?" tone from the responding officers. Like WE are crazy.
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Old 10-24-2011, 03:58 PM
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People who threaten suicide repeatedly do so to get other peoples attention and they know it works. So they keep doing it.

My cousin's girlfriend is a 911 dispatcher and she says they get phone calls from the same people, talking about "s/he is threatening suicide again!" Not even in the process of attempting a suicide, just talking. I'm sure it gets old.
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Old 10-24-2011, 04:20 PM
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People who threaten suicide repeatedly do so to get other peoples attention and they know it works. So they keep doing it.

That's why you don't go over there or get involved in any way other than making the call to 911. Just because they threaten repeatedly doesn't mean they won't eventually do it. 911 dispatchers have a job to do and if they get tired of the same people reporting suicide threats, maybe they should get in another line of work.
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Old 10-24-2011, 04:25 PM
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Hi MBW!

I'm sorry you have received such unprofessional treatment from the "professionals"!!

Save the texts....they may come in handy in the future.

The sad truth about other people stepping in is....we can't control them any more than we can control the A's in our lives.

Vent away! We understand!! HG
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Old 10-24-2011, 05:51 PM
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people who mean to kill themselves do it, they don't chat about it. this has been my experience. the threat of death as a means of control is not someone who is suicidal. If your person discusses methods of suicide, starts talking in coded language, starts having what I call 'final' conversations then sure thats a means to have some genuine concern. The thing about suicide is its an action not a state of mind, and someone who wants to die, will make that happen regardless of intervention because their unwell rationale has made a choice. It is never your fault, never. Crying wolf is a catch 22, my ex-partner cried wolf on suicide threats for a decade.... and then one day he did. No attempts, just one go and he died. I don't hold myself responsible for his action, but it is a tragedy for his family and our sons. I hope you find some resolution around this
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Old 10-24-2011, 06:10 PM
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Many people talk about it before they actually make an attempt, or succeed. Sounds like your ex-partner talked about it for a decade then finally did it. Of course you shouldn't hold yourself responsible. It wasn't your fault, but he did talk about it before he finally did it. Most people don't just do it out of the blue.
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Old 10-24-2011, 06:15 PM
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My exabf threatened suicide at least 20 times, and as of today, he is still alive. He is a drama queen and uses the threat to manipulate others. The next day, after he was going to do it.... everything was A-Ok with him.

I have him blocked from all contract so I don't have to go through all the upset anymore, he can call someone else and ruin their night.
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Old 10-24-2011, 06:21 PM
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Well, it's up to you whether or not you let their threats manipulate you. That's why I said do not go see them, do not get involved at all except to make the 911 call. While no contact is great, there are situations where it can't be done, such as if you have children with them. There's no need to let them manipulate you and calling 911 will get the professionals involved, not you.
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Old 10-25-2011, 09:47 AM
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Thanks everyone. I don't go see him anymore, it just really feels like a manipulation every time. I know that threats are threats and should be taken seriously, but I think in this case it's an attention getter.
I finally told him last night to knock it off-stop giving me these texts-I am at work. I have learned his drill...desperate situations that call for desperate measures to get what he needs.
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Old 10-25-2011, 02:04 PM
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My son threatened suicide multiple times. We intervened many times when we actually knew about it. Two months ago.. we thought things were getting better (as far as suicide is concerned). We were wrong, our son took his life 2 months ago. I understand the threats but I wouldn't assume all is a-okay.
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Old 10-25-2011, 05:02 PM
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On August 8th my nephew hung himself with the dog leash right outside the back door of his house. He was 41 and was admitted into the hospital the previous week with a BAC of .31. He was admitted on a Saturday, attempted suicide in the hospital on Tuesday, they released him on Friday and he killed himself on Monday. He left behind a 17 year old daughter who will always remember her last words to her father....."Screw you" after he sent her a text saying he wasn't her father. He cried wolf so many times but never will again. I wish I could have helped but I know I couldn't. I miss him terribly. And.... on Friday night his daughter came home drinking. The cycle continues. Ozzy was right when he sang Demon Alcohol.
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Old 10-25-2011, 05:34 PM
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My son was holding me hostage with his suicide threats. I started calling 911 every time my son threatened suicide. He finally stopped threatening. I was able to have him put on a 3 day hold once and a 2 week hold once.

I have had to report many members here who threatened suicide and many have been put on a hold just from the posts the officers read here. If you have a text message you can show to the police they will have enough proof to place him on hold if they choose to.

I agree that every suicide threat should be taken seriously, but not in a way that holds us hostage when the person will not get the help they need. Reporting it is the best and only real solution we have in that situation.

I'm sorry for all your losses. My children's father also took his own life and it's not easy to work through it.
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Old 10-25-2011, 05:47 PM
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It is not up to us to decide if the threat is real or theatrics. We may have experience with the A, but not the training to deal with it. A professional should be involved by calling EMS if you know where the person making the threats is likely to be found.

I've had to make this call to police on an alcoholic friend. The EMS felt that what he was saying should be taken seriously as a threat of suicide and they acted upon it. They went and got him and brought him to a hospital for evaluation. He was spitting mad at me for having to spend the afternoon at the hospital being assessed and for wrecking his day as "obviously" he would never have done anything. No concern for the worry and heart-wrenching fear he had put into the hearts of his family and friends. I told him I had no choice on whether to make the call. He, however, had the choice to make the threats or not.

My heart goes out to those who feel compelled to actually carry it out, and all their families.
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Old 10-26-2011, 08:54 PM
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Unhappy Helpless

My little brother was threatening suicide last week, but was rescued by a friend that he had texted earlier that evening informing him of his plan. According to a couple of buddies and his ex-wife, he started texting lyrics that he wanted played at his funeral and was sending his love to his children. His last text to his ex-wife was simply "help me". The friend contacted my mother and a plan of action through the suicide prevention hotline was put in place. He was admitted to the ER late Wednesday evening with a BAC of .337. After a day in the hospital, it was determined that he should go into a treatment facility for suicide watch. He willingly went to the facility, but was discharged less than 24 hours later. That was Friday.

He stayed away from family and his friends for a few days and wouldn't answer texts. His "girlfriend" kept his best friend in the loop who would occasionally text me an update. Apparently, he started drinking again today.

This cycle of suicide and mental anguish started when he was 15 years old. He is now 36. The first attempt was by slitting his wrists. He called me to come pick him up at a convenient store where he sat behind the dumpster, bleeding. Thankfully, though slit vertically, he did not cut deep enough. His second attempt was in February of this year, a month before his divorce was final. He swallowed a handful of prescription pills in front of our mother. Last week, he was planning to use his gun(s), but room mates found them and hid them from him. It was then that he started binge drinking with the intent to die.

He has battled addiction to prescription medication and alcohol for years. I love him deeply and am terrified. I understand that there is nothing I can do or say to prevent him from actually following through. I know that I am never going to be able to "fix" him. I know he has to be the one to take control over his own life.

I guess, I'm just really angry. Angry that I can't save him from these demons that haunt him. Angry that he doesn't care about anyone (not even his babies) to think twice. I'm angry that he picked up the bottle again tonight. And I'm scared....
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Old 10-26-2011, 10:05 PM
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It was suicide threats that finally got my AW the help she needed. After a two week binge she was asking me to help her commit suicide. I refused and finally got her to agree to go to the ER for help. Crisis hotline was brought in and they forced her into the mental halth unit at the hospital. She spent a week there and was diagnosed as bipolar and anxiety. So far she has faithcully taken her meds and is a different person. Has not drank in three months. For her the suicide threat wound up being a blessing.
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