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I teetered on the edge...

Old 10-24-2011, 09:12 AM
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I teetered on the edge...

...of co-dependency yesterday and caught myself this time! *phew*

Damn, it is easy to fall back into the same old patterns. Staying on my new path can be challenging! I imagine it is similar to what the recovering A's feel...and how easy it is to go back to what we knew instead of stopping and really thinking in a new life perspective.

I actually was trying to convince my stbxah why his thinking was distorted - jeez louise that is NOT my place - when he wants to leave me! And the crazy thing is...I don't want this in my life anymore either! I am getting nothing but craziness and pain from this man - and yet I fell back to the same old same old of trying to list all the reasons why this is crazy and a bad idea.

Here he was telling me in words all the reasons why he can't be married and I went

Yuck on me! I had to call back and ask that the conversation be recalled and to please file the dissolution papers this week. That was embarrassing, but worth it to stay true to myself this time. I need more than he has to give. And if someone wants to go - LET THEM GO! I miss Madea's video - they took it off YouTube, damn it!

So even for those of us really committed to and practicing recovery tools, it is so easy to relapse. Only this time, it lasted about 2 hours before I caught myself and made it right again.

This morning I feel free to move forward now. Free to change direction and go be the real me...

It's about time!

Thanks for letting me share.
~T
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Old 10-24-2011, 09:53 AM
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Way to go TG! I am impressed that not only did you catch it but you did the next right thing and corrected the problem even though it was embarrassing to do. That shows a solid recovery.

Your friend,
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Old 10-24-2011, 10:36 AM
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Bummer that they took the video down. That was really a life changer for me...honestly.

I had a bit of a slip myself, friend. We just need to remember that what we did yesterday is far less important that what we do today. You are an intelligent woman who has a firm grasp of her own recovery. If you didn't, you wouldn't have typed these words.

I often find myself in conversations with my ex about what SHOULD have happened...or trying to defend my own decisions and actions against his irrational accusations. I then have to backtrack, stop the insanity and say "I am not going to continue this conversation with you. I am losing focus on what is important" and then redirect.

So, WTG, TG!!! Catching a slip and getting back on your feet is awesome. What a healthy way to live!
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Old 10-24-2011, 10:45 AM
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I have and still do often say that learning to live a sober life and doing it was and is much easier than getting over my co-dependent issues.

Even all these years and I will STILL catch myself getting into or already into 'enabling' mode before I even realize that is what I am doing.

It can be such a 'fine line' between compassion and caring to out and out enabling. And mind you, not always with an A, with family, with grandchildren, with close friends, sheesh. I sure am glad it is 'progress not perfection', or I would be in deep do do.

Love and hugs,
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Old 10-24-2011, 11:13 AM
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The greatest part about a slip is getting back up and starting back over again!!

It always gives me a renewed sense of strength, courage and determination to be something different, to do something different because I am something different!!!

congrats to you for allowing your beautiful life to be changed!!

No more talking to quacking pine trees! yeah! Enjoy your day - you deserve it!

PINK HUGS,
Rita
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Old 10-24-2011, 11:56 AM
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Tuffgirl,

We all fall down, how long we stay down is what's important, glad you got right back up dusted yourself off and went on your way.

Great job,

Bill
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Old 10-24-2011, 06:15 PM
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One day I wanna be just like that!! You're pretty cool, you know!
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Old 10-24-2011, 06:47 PM
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Awww shucks thanks you guys!

I had to post this because I have to write these things down and remember them. The last thing I want to do is get back to a place where my own arrogance becomes my worst enemy again. So I am making a point in my life to be completely humble and admit I have my own "WTF am I thinkin" moments! And I am getting better at stepping up and accepting responsibility for them nowadays.

Hearing myself trying to convince someone to be with me was disgusting and pathetic. I mean...really...do I think I can't do any better than that? If so, then I need to fix whatever is broken inside of ME. Who gives a sh!t what he does or doesn't do.
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