I am a lot stronger then I think I am?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 14
I am a lot stronger then I think I am?
I have been visiting this site for 2 weeks now. I have had more insight and felt more love here then I could have every imagined. The people who are active in taking a stance against this disease, the women and men who have had to either say good bye or still are juggling life with an A I commend you and again thank you for your time. I have posted my struggles and instantly you all reach out. So I am going to update a little where I am at. I have now made it I think 8 days with 100% ZERO contact. I am so freakin proud of myself its so great. For the past 2 years I have always called or texted or even at times did drive buys to check on my AB to see if he was Alive, Drunk, With someone else and so on. It was disgusting, that behavior is disgusting. I cannot believe that I wanted so badly for this man who has no concept of love to love me back. Now don't get me wrong I do Love and adore the man I used to know. But hes not here anymore and I know for a FACT that no matter how pretty I am, how good I am to him, how much I care for him. I am not going to fix him. Am I worth it Hell yea. Is it his loss completely. I deserve the world as do we all. I have been so conflicted these last few weeks. While my heart is still aching I have been fighting this fight too long and you know what. I am so glad he didn't beat all the good out of me. Even though hes on my mind way more then I would like. Its not as often and the more time I have been away, I can't even tell you. I have had maybe one panic attack instead of one a day. Do I pray each day that he decides to live life and get his act together of course. But that is out of my hands. Is he missing out on life Yes, but I refuse to go down that road with him. I will admit this I attend church with his Mother, we do our best to not waste our energy on talking about him. I love his family and we are all on the same page. We will not enable this lifestyle we all pray and we love him and thats all we can do. But I will say I am sort of pissed that he has not contacted me to say sorry. My last interaction with him was horrible, he was the meanest hes ever been. He tells his mother everything and told her how ashamed he was about the words that came out of his mouth. Well he should be. So not hearing from he is still bugging me but. Anyway tonight at this moment I sent my beautiful daughter off to homecoming, I got to do her hair and makeup and she is my heart shes what keeps me going. Do I wish he were here to be apart of this moment yes. But it is HIS loss. Tonight at this moment I am okay with who I am. I will always have this memory of tonight and it is a wonderful one. Thank you 4 listening I wish you all a safe and serene weekend. You are all beautiful people. Man you guys I talk too much im sorry
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
Julia.
Very proud of you, and you don't talk too much, no apologies necessary!
This is the place to come and vent, feel the love and support of those who have walked this same road, we are all brothers and sisters, we have bathed in fire, and have been made stronger by those who wished to beat us down!
May god bless you and keep you, peace be with you.
Bill
Very proud of you, and you don't talk too much, no apologies necessary!
This is the place to come and vent, feel the love and support of those who have walked this same road, we are all brothers and sisters, we have bathed in fire, and have been made stronger by those who wished to beat us down!
May god bless you and keep you, peace be with you.
Bill
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
Yes, you are stronger than you think. You know the difference between how someone should be treated and not. You know the difference between love and demeaning comments and behavior. You are learning and that is what recovery is about for those of us in F&F. Getting back in communion with yourself and your beliefs. It can be tough at times as you notice here on SR for many. In the mean time, be proud of yourself and give yourself a hug.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
LOL! For someone with over 1,600 posts I don't think you talk to much!
I've been thinking all weekend about acceptance in recovery terms...as I paint my hallway, that is!
Here's a quote that hangs on my fridge:
"My serenity does not depend on my winning every round in my battle with life. It does depend on my acceptance of others on their own terms. God, grant me that serenity."
Now here's what took me a long time to understand. Acceptance does not mean approval, nor do I have to subject myself to bad behavior through the concept of "acceptance". It simply means ripping the blinders of denial off our eyes and seeing reality for what it is, and accepting it is what it is. We say here the three A's: Awareness, Acceptance, Action. Take that, along with the Serenity Prayer, and that pretty sums up our lives. We can accept our loves ones are alcoholics, active or recovering, without having them in our lives (right now or forever).
Don't expect an apology. Just don't. Don't even need it - you know your truth. And it sounds as if you have other priorities where your attention & energy is better spent anyway. Stay with no contact - let yourself have a chance to heal a bit.
And yes, you are a lot stronger than you think you are!
I've been thinking all weekend about acceptance in recovery terms...as I paint my hallway, that is!
Here's a quote that hangs on my fridge:
"My serenity does not depend on my winning every round in my battle with life. It does depend on my acceptance of others on their own terms. God, grant me that serenity."
Now here's what took me a long time to understand. Acceptance does not mean approval, nor do I have to subject myself to bad behavior through the concept of "acceptance". It simply means ripping the blinders of denial off our eyes and seeing reality for what it is, and accepting it is what it is. We say here the three A's: Awareness, Acceptance, Action. Take that, along with the Serenity Prayer, and that pretty sums up our lives. We can accept our loves ones are alcoholics, active or recovering, without having them in our lives (right now or forever).
Don't expect an apology. Just don't. Don't even need it - you know your truth. And it sounds as if you have other priorities where your attention & energy is better spent anyway. Stay with no contact - let yourself have a chance to heal a bit.
And yes, you are a lot stronger than you think you are!
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
5 000 posts here LOL! OMG!
Homecoming, how exciting! I am so glad you are there for your kid.
8 days is HUGE, congratulations you have made it through the worst! it will only get better! well of course there is a rollercoaster of emotions but IMHO after the first week you start realizing what peace looks like and clarity comes...
You were strong, you are strong and you will continue to be strong
Homecoming, how exciting! I am so glad you are there for your kid.
8 days is HUGE, congratulations you have made it through the worst! it will only get better! well of course there is a rollercoaster of emotions but IMHO after the first week you start realizing what peace looks like and clarity comes...
You were strong, you are strong and you will continue to be strong
Skipper
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: South Texas, USA
Posts: 827
Good job, Juliagoolia! 
During those good times, celebrations in life (like your daughter preparing for homecoming), if I'm missing my A, I also remember the dread, the tightening in my stomach, and the utter anxiety I used to have over how the celebration might be ruined by his antics. That always makes me appreciative that we don't have to fret over that now.
The clarity in your life has a chance to arrive now that you have him out of your way. You can focus better now!
During those good times, celebrations in life (like your daughter preparing for homecoming), if I'm missing my A, I also remember the dread, the tightening in my stomach, and the utter anxiety I used to have over how the celebration might be ruined by his antics. That always makes me appreciative that we don't have to fret over that now.
The clarity in your life has a chance to arrive now that you have him out of your way. You can focus better now!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: South Florida
Posts: 29
Dear Julia
Your post promted me to write because it is just so similar to my journey. I have been no contact for 2 months now after leaving him 6 months ago. The no contact drove me crazy at first but with time I know it lets me get on with MY life. He has no family here except for his 2 alcoholic drug addicted sons that I will not associate with, so I am completely in the dark about what he is doing, saying, not doing whatever...! I also stalked him far too many times than I'd like to admit even to myself let alone here.
This site has helped me so much in determining my steps into my future. I went to a couple Al-Anon meetings also and read everything I can about dealing with an alcoholic. In the meantime I have learned about accepting myself and that I am worth more than he could ever offer. I have come to realize the man I fell in love with was really just a figment of his imagination. He didn't ever exist and never will. I have wanted to ask him WHY so many times but I know now that he would just lie anyway. I know why I left and that's all that matters.
This weekend was his daughter's 15th birthday. She is also an addict and lives in a facility for troubled teens. It was parents weekend so I knew he would be visiting her and I just couldn't stop thinking about how he threw everything away and how awful his weekend must have been. This disease does not discriminate. I hate that I wasted so much time and energy on a family that refuses any help.
I have two teenage daughters of my own. It was also homecoming here also, so I spent the weekend at football, dinners for friends, doing nails, hair, makeup, taking lots of pictures, sending them both off to the dance on Saturday. What a difference a few months makes. If we were still living in Crazy Town I would not have had these wonderful memories of this new found freedom. My kids have never been happier nor have I.
Your post reminded me of the things I am grateful for today and how proud I am of how far we all have come. Stay strong this no contact thing works.
Your post promted me to write because it is just so similar to my journey. I have been no contact for 2 months now after leaving him 6 months ago. The no contact drove me crazy at first but with time I know it lets me get on with MY life. He has no family here except for his 2 alcoholic drug addicted sons that I will not associate with, so I am completely in the dark about what he is doing, saying, not doing whatever...! I also stalked him far too many times than I'd like to admit even to myself let alone here.
This site has helped me so much in determining my steps into my future. I went to a couple Al-Anon meetings also and read everything I can about dealing with an alcoholic. In the meantime I have learned about accepting myself and that I am worth more than he could ever offer. I have come to realize the man I fell in love with was really just a figment of his imagination. He didn't ever exist and never will. I have wanted to ask him WHY so many times but I know now that he would just lie anyway. I know why I left and that's all that matters.
This weekend was his daughter's 15th birthday. She is also an addict and lives in a facility for troubled teens. It was parents weekend so I knew he would be visiting her and I just couldn't stop thinking about how he threw everything away and how awful his weekend must have been. This disease does not discriminate. I hate that I wasted so much time and energy on a family that refuses any help.
I have two teenage daughters of my own. It was also homecoming here also, so I spent the weekend at football, dinners for friends, doing nails, hair, makeup, taking lots of pictures, sending them both off to the dance on Saturday. What a difference a few months makes. If we were still living in Crazy Town I would not have had these wonderful memories of this new found freedom. My kids have never been happier nor have I.
Your post reminded me of the things I am grateful for today and how proud I am of how far we all have come. Stay strong this no contact thing works.
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