Recovery leads to better behavior...
 

So, I'm grateful for where I am today. As I detach from the insanity, I see how my better choices/behavior really does make things better :). No, it doesn't make my STBXAH better... It allows me to not participate and fuel the drama.

My life before recovery was a pendulum... That only swung to the extremes. I was either completely right, and a victim to AH, his disease/behavior...or I was completely in the wrong, full of dysfunction and responsible for all the crap. The slightest mistake, and I was apologizing for pretty much everything. It was a vicious merry-go-round that never stopped.

Today, I own my part and that's it. I don't allow my STBXAH to push his crap onto me. I am respectful to him... Because that's how I want to be as a person. I do it in spite of his choice to be snippish with me. I openly communicate with him, in spite of his silent treatment. I won't trash his reputation to others... In spite of the nasty rumors he is spreading about me.

I'm going to rise above all that and live with dignity. I do not blame him for our entire demise. I own my part, and I vow to continue work on and heal me. What he choices for himself... Is none of my business anymore. And that, feels amazing.

When I find myself thinking about him/something he did or said/something someone said about him... I quickly stop myself. I say the serenity prayer and I refocus my thoughts to me. And surprisingly, the anxiety and pain decreases, almost immediately.

I don't know what the future holds... But I know I'm moving forward, and that whatever happens will be my HPs will for me... And that everything will be okay. Today, I have faith. Truth faith. I pray, so I do not worry.

When the program "clicks"... It is amazing.

Thanks for letting me share,
Shannon

Shannon, I needed this. Congratulations on your clarity, and thank you for sharing!

That is a huge recovery success in my book! I know how the stinking thinking can ruin an entire day/week if I allow it. Awesome! Good on you!

:c011:

Shannon, good for you! You're right, when it clicks it is amazing. It makes the wisdom of fake it 'till you make it rather obvious once you get it.

Congratulations on your hard work and effort.

((((hugs))))

Your friend,

When the program "clicks"... It is amazing.



Is in it?....:c011:

My thought as well - when it finally clicks - it is amazing!

Good for you GB! Thanks for sharing.

:Fall12: We've lost the little "You rock" smilie...so you get a fall one instead! ; )

Good to know. I am having a very bad day and I am looking forward to knowing even though I have to let my kids go gor the weekend I can make it to my first meeting.

Recovery truly brings peace and serenity... But we have to work for it and earn it. It gets lost easily if I become lazy or complacent.


As I mentioned in another post, today is/was our wedding anniversary. Earlier this week, I was a bit nervous... Not sure how I would handle it. I talked to my sponsor about it. We discussed redefining the day. And that is just what I did.

I was suppose to have the day alone with the kids. I found out last night that I would just have them in the morning... Ok, no problem. I woke up and found out that AH had yet again changed his mind and wanted the morning too. Okie dokie. So there I was at 7 am.... With a choice... Get annoyed with is last minute changes/ crappy communication or take the moment to honor me. I chose honoring me.

I took our golden and went for a 3 mile hike. We saw 2 deer, a couple of squirrels, and a chipmunk :) I was at peace with nature and mediated on a nagging thought..(I wanted to talk to AH about how inconsiderate he was being!) and in the peace and prayer came my answer. "Shannon, let go. You are powerless over his drinking, his anger, and his crappy communication skills. Acceptance this... You cannot change it. Change the thing you can... You, your reactions, your choices.". And so began my day...

I came home, showered up and headed off to a day of honoring the great gift my marriage gave me... My al-anon recovery:) I went to a meeting, and was overwhelmed with the messages I needed. I then spent the day with my best friend... A little shopping, out to lunch, carving pumpkins, and then her yummy chili :)

Today was the best anniversary I've had in years!

Oh, I love that. Yup, can totally relate to "the best anniversary I ever had"...which I also spent "alone." And that was right after the best vacation I ever had..."alone." Turns out that I'm great company for myself, and you clearly are the same for you!

Big hugs and congratulations on celebrating YOU today~
posie

Sounds like you are doing a great job. Keep it up!!!! This is the type of posts I love to read